Page 73 of Off the Pitch

Either way, it still sucked ass.

We turned down another street, and I stared harder at the buildings, the feeling of recognition growing. The car turned another corner, and I caught sight of a familiar line of shops and takeaways.

“Wait a second. Lily, are you taking me to the Rec?”

“Maybe.” She shrugged, pulling out her phone and carefully angling the screen away so I couldn’t see who she was messaging.

This was nuts. Why would she bring me to this crappy corner of East London? I hadn’t been here in years. Not since Christian and I used to play kick about in the tiny, battered park with the single goal.

Oh fuck…

Fuck no.

“Lily.” I sighed, already resigned to my fate, as the car came to a stop. “Why are we here?”

“You’ll see,” she said, climbing out. “Come on.”

She pointed towards the little playground in the corner, ringed in bright red fencing. “Just over there.”

“I’m not talking to him.” I knew it was petulant of me, but dammit, I had a reason for once.

“Then just listen… please?” The hard edge to her face fell away, and all I could see was a scared sister just looking out for her brother.

I sighed and shook my head. I shouldn’t have been doing this. But my feet had already made the decision for me, leading me across the road.

The playground had had a bit of facelift since I was last there. The battered old swings and graffiti covered slide had been replaced with fancy new equipment—brightly coloured and currently unblemished. The place was empty, though, except for the solitary figure sitting on the swings in a dark hoodie and jeans, blond hair poking out from under a grey beanie.

Christian turned to look at me as I swung the gate open, its coiled hinges squeaking loudly. His face looked pale, and there were dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn’t been sleeping. I wasn’t sure I looked much better to be honest, but something in my chest fluttered at the sight of him. I just wanted to gather him in my arms, kiss him, and take him home for one of his boiling hot baths with as many ridiculously glittery bath bombs as I could find.

“I didn’t know if you’d come,” he said softly as I sat on the swing next to him, casually scraping the toe of my Converse on the rubber floor.

“I didn’t really have a choice,” I said. “Lily dragged me out without telling me where I was going.”

“Oh, well, you don’t have to stay.” He was chewing his lip again, fingers fiddling with the swing chains.

“I’m here now.”

There was silence for a minute, both of us waiting for the other to speak. There was so much I wanted to say, but I didn’t even know where to start.

“Do you want half a Twix?” Christian asked suddenly, pulling the gold-foiled twin bar from the pocket of his jeans. “I nipped into the corner shop while I waited. Mr. Jasinski says hi by the way. He still remembers us.”

“Sure,” I said, shaking my head and taking one of the bars. “I haven’t had one of these in ages. We always used to get one and have a bar each whenever we came here.”

“Yeah, we did. I’d almost forgotten that until I walked into the shop.”

“What do you want, Christian?” It was probably cruel of me to ask so harshly, but I was sick of all the dancing around.

“Can I say I’m sorry?” he said, looking down and swinging himself backwards and forwards slowly. “And maybe try and explain?”

“Maybe… it would be a start.”

“I’m so sorry, David. Truly, I am. I never meant to hurt you.” Christian tilted his head, looking up at me through his long lashes. His eyes looked damp, and I wondered if he was going to cry. “I thought I was doing the right thing. That you’d be better off without me because I couldn’t give you what you deserved, so I pushed you away without even trying to explain. I was so scared of losing everything that I lost what mattered most to me. I was so stupid, and you have to no right to forgive me for what I said, but I wanted you to know that I’m sorry. Because you were right, I was being a coward. You were right about everything.”

I looked at him, my gaze fixed. My heart wanted to forgive him, but my brain was less sure. “Go on.”

“I know I’m a bit of a mess.” He snorted and shook his head, swinging backwards slowly. “That’s probably an understatement. I was so sure my life was supposed to be just one thing. That being great at football was all I was supposed to have because that was the plan and I couldn’t change it. But then I realised I shouldn’t have to choose, and change doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I always thought I had to be perfect, but I know that’s impossible. Sometimes I’m going to lose or trip up, and that’s okay. It’s better to lose with someone you love… someone who supports you. Someone like you.”

“I see,” I said. “What gave you this grand epiphany?”

---