Page 49 of The Fly-Half

I looked up to see Clive nodding, a deeply thoughtful expression on his face. “It’s all right. I know now.” He looked straight at Jonny, with a gaze that demanded attention. “Is that why you lost your temper today? Because I’ve never seen you do anything like that before.”

“Er, maybe. I just didn’t like watching Dev get flattened like that.”

“You and I both know that excuse isn’t going to cut it,” Clive said. “Getting tackled is all part of the game, and as fly-half Devon is always going to be a target. And if you’re going to lose your fucking temper every time someone touches him, then we’re going to have a problem.”

“I’m sorry,” Jonny said quietly. “I didn’t mean it. I’m just… yeah, I’m sorry.”

“If you’re struggling and you need to talk about it, that’s fine,” Clive said, his voice calm and understanding but with a steel note underneath that reminded us he wasn’t going to take any shit. “We can do that. There’s always help available. Because you’ve got to get your shit together, Jonny.”

“I know.”

“You can’t let your feelings or your relationship get in the way of the team. You have to put the team first. And that means you can’t be making emotional decisions like that. You were luckytoday, but last weekend was another matter and I don’t want us to be having this conversation again in two weeks because you couldn’t get your temper under control. Do you understand me?”

“Yes,” Jonny said with a nod, and I squeezed his hand tightly, wishing there was something I could say. “It won’t happen again.”

“Good,” Clive said. He shot the pair of us a smile. “Good job today, both of you. Go get your stuff and turf the knockoff Underground Dreaming out of the dressing room. We’ve got a bus to catch.”

He turned and walked down the corridor, leaving Jonny and me standing in awkward silence.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Jonny

I stewedfor the entire journey back to Lincoln, leaning against the window with my headphones in, my thigh pressed against Devon’s as I tried to ignore everyone else’s singing by pretending I’d fallen asleep.

I didn’t feel any better when we arrived, and as we drove back to mine, I seriously wished Devon and I hadn’t agreed to having dinner with Mason since Ryan was working. But I felt bad about blowing him off and maybe he’d have some random insight to offer about the horrible mix of emotions currently swirling inside my chest.

As much as I hated it, Clive was right. I couldn’t keep letting my temper get the better of me whenever someone put their hands on Devon. It might have worked out okay today, but we all knew I’d gotten lucky and the fact I’d spiked someone a couple of weeks ago when I’d been unable to figure my shit out loomed large in my mind.

I was unpredictable, aggressive, and a danger to myself and the team.

And if I didn’t want to lose my job, I was going to have to get it under control.

“You okay?” Devon asked as we pulled up outside my house behind Mason’s ridiculous Range Rover. “Want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” I said, shooting him a fake smile I knew he’d see straight through. “Maybe later.”

Devon put his hand on my thigh and squeezed gently. “We don’t have to go in, you know. We can go back to mine. Mason will understand.”

I chuckled. “No, he’ll call me out for wallowing.”

“I don’t think he will. You’re allowed to have mixed feelings over all this,” he said. “You’re dealing with a lot all at once and it has to come out one way or another.”

“I know.” And I did. But that didn’t stop me from brooding.

Logically, I knew Devon was also right. The last few weeks had been a hurricane of self-discovery and I was trying to wade through the new emotions flooding my brain and my body. And despite the fact I was twenty-seven, I didn’t have the bandwidth or ability to actually deal with them.

If it had just been my new attraction to Devon, I’d probably have been fine. It was a different step in our relationship, but it didn’t feel weird. In fact, I felt more comfortable and relaxed than I had in a long time. I was filled with a sense of awe that this man wanted me, and everything he did amazed me in some way. It was like someone had put our friendship under a microscope, and I could see, in crystal clear clarity, all the things I’d forgotten, taken for granted, or had simply never noticed.

In fact, suddenly being overwhelmed with awe was the least of my problems.

Being continuously horny was starting to bug me a little because it seemed like my brain was devoting every sparewaking moment to thinking about Devon. Specifically, what he looked like naked and how pretty he sounded when I played with him. I didn’t know if everyone else felt like this, but it explained a lot about the behaviour of my friends. If I could, I’d have dragged Devon into my bedroom and kept him there until I’d exhausted both of us and my imagination.

The biggest issue was the jealousy and the dark, possessive need burning a hole in my chest and festering away like an infected wound.

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