Page 42 of Cocky Bastard

It still fucking stung, though.

“Do you want me to be honest?” Miles asked.

“Yeah, I do,” I said, kicking my legs off the side of the sofa and standing up so I could start pacing. The idea of sitting still any longer was making my skin crawl.

“Then yeah, I think it probably is. They’re just couching it as corporate bullshit to fob us off.”

“I knew it! They’re not exactly being fucking subtle.”

Miles laughed hollowly. “No, they’re not.” He sighed. “I can try and push back. Jenny Hall is on our side—she sent me an email overnight—but I don’t know how much good it will do. I’m sorry, Kane. I should have seen this coming.”

“No, it’s not your fault,” I said. “The only ones to blame here are the stuck-up dicks who made this decision.”

“Is Austin there with you?”

“No. He’s working.” I stopped pacing for a second and bit my lip. I had to find a way to tell him and not let him blame himself, because he would. Austin was a selfless bastard as well as an annoying one, and he’d shoulder the responsibility for thiswithout a second thought. Either that or he’d tell me we should break up because it would make my life easier, but fuck that. I was done playing.

I’d spent so much time having every facet of my life controlled and dictated by someone sitting in a corporate office and I refused to play their games anymore. I’d thought taking charge of my career and moving away from music would set me free, but I’d just swapped one cage for another subtler one. But no more. If I was going to act, I was going to do it on my terms and if people didn’t like that, then fine. There would be more parts. And if not, I’d find something else to do with my life.

Missing out onLlewelynwould sting for a long time, but I wasn’t done fighting yet.

I just had to consider my options before I did anything. This was not the time for rash decisions.

“Talk to him,” Miles said. “I’ll get in touch with Jenny and the production company, see if we can arrange a meeting or something. I don’t know if they’ll even respond, but I’ll do my best.”

“Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll get back to you soon.”

We hung up and I turned my phone over in my hand as I started to pace again. I wanted to call Austin, but I didn’t want to disturb him if he was in the middle of filming. I was pretty sure being told your boyfriend had been dumped from the part he’d really wanted because he was in a relationship with you, a porn star, was the ultimate mood killer.

In the end, I sent him a text asking him to call me, made sure my phone was on vibrate, and went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea.

I’d just gotten back to the sofa, tea and a packet of chocolate Hobnobs in hand, when Austin called and I nearly threw tea all over myself trying to answer it.

“Hey,” Austin said, his deep voice laced with concern. I could hear voices in the background followed by the sound of his feet on stairs. “What’s wrong?”

“So, er, I had a phone call from Miles. AboutLlewelyn. They dropped me.”

“What thefuck? Why?”

“Because I was open about our relationship,” I said, trying not to let bitterness seep into my tone. “Apparently me being gay is fine, but me being in a relationship with someone who does porn is crossing the line. Except they didn’t say that explicitly. They only implied it.” I told him about the rest of the conversation with Miles, including the fact that Jenny Hall was on my side but our options were limited.

“I’m sorry,” Austin said, soft and sad. “This is my fault. We should never have come out publicly.”

“No. Don’t you fucking dare say that!”

“It’s the truth, though, kitten. I cost you this role.”

“No, their bigotry did,” I said, my anger resurging. “You are not allowed to blame yourself.”

“You can’t stop me,” he said with a wry chuckle.

“Yes, I can. Just watch me.” I didn’t know how I’d stop him but I would. “Who’s with you today?”

“Jake, Kai, and Theo.”

“I’ll tell them if I have to. Make sure they don’t let you blame yourself.”

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