Page 31 of Cocky Bastard

“Fuck off,” he said with a laugh. “Don’t you know what skincare is?”

“Yeah, but there’s skincare and there’s coming out of my bathroom looking like that.”

“You can have some too if you want. I’ve got a whole tub.”

“No, thanks, I’ll live,” I said. “What’s it even got in it anyway?”

“I don’t know,” Kane said, reaching behind him and producing a large tub with a bamboo lid. It looked like it was filled with slime. “It was part of a routine I was given by a dermatologist.” He peered at the label. “I think it might have avocado in?”

“That’s probably what makes it green.”

“Probably.” He nodded then grinned at me slyly. “At least it’s not pickles. Otherwise you’d lick it off my face.”

I rolled my eyes. “Just because you hate them doesn’t mean everyone else does.”

“Hey, I tried some of yours tonight! They’re still gross,” he said as he disappeared back into the bathroom, letting the door swing open behind him. The bright counter lights bathed him in an almost angelic glow, and from my position in bed I got the perfect view of his whole body. He was completely naked, the last few drops of water from his shower clinging to his thighs. For a moment it caught me off guard because I didn’t think many people had gotten to experience Kane like this: open, relaxed, and wholly himself.

We’d been having too much fun to come home straight after dinner, so we’d ended up wandering around York talking about whatever random shit we fancied until nearly midnight. It had been nice to show off the city I called home—from the majesty of the Minster lit up with floodlights to the cobbled, winding streets of the Shambles—and watching Kane’s face as he took it all in. He’d said at dinner that he didn’t know what normal was, that life for him was always going to be different.

And that was true. But it didn’t mean I couldn’t try and give him a taste of normal now and then.

Even if it meant walking around the city in the dark, like we were the only two people on Earth.

“The rest of the food was amazing, though,” Kane continued as he began to run a flannel under the hot tap. “I’ll be dreaming about that burger for months! And those onion rings. And the fries… just all of it. Thanks for suggesting it.”

“You’re welcome,” I said. “I thought you’d like it.”

“I really did.” He shot me a smile before turning back to the mirror and starting to scrub his face. “You’ll have to take me tomore of your favourites. Show me what other secrets you’ve been keeping from me.”

My heart fluttered at the thought. We’d been spending so much more time with each other recently outside of hooking up, and the way we sort of fit together kept surprising me. Kane intrigued me but it was more than that. I wanted to delve into all the pockets of his heart and see what secrets he was keeping, and I wanted to give him all the things he’d never think about doing for himself.

I wanted to give him everything, whether that was my secret list of the best places to get coffee and croissants in every city I’d visited to all the small things about myself I’d never shared with anyone.

I wasn’t sure if this was friendship with benefits or something more, but lying there, watching him scrub the slime-green face mask off his skin, I knew I needed it to be more. Because I couldn’t imagine my life without Kanan in it. It would be like trying to imagine life on Mars—a strange impossibility that only existed in dreams.

“Maybe tomorrow I’ll take you to Penny’s,” I said. “It’s where I got the morning buns, pie, and shortbread. And the sourdough too. It’s only tiny but they do coffee as well and sometimes they put a couple of tables outside if the weather is good. They do these Nutella or pistachio cream stuffed croissants that you’ll love.”

“Seriously?” Kane’s eyes were wide with delight. “I love pistachio.”

“I know. You told me when we were at that party in LA… the one where they had an ice cream bar. You had, like, three fucking bowls of the stuff with melted chocolate on.”

Kane stared at me, water dripping down his stunned expression. “T-That was years ago… we were, what, seventeen? Eighteen? I can’t believe you remembered.”

“Yeah, well, I remember a lot of shit,” I said, my face heating. For a moment I wondered if I should have kept the memory to myself. But then Kane was striding across the room and throwing himself into my arms, kissing me hard as he grasped the sides of my face.

“I remember that night too,” he said quietly. “You had strawberry ice cream and gave yourself brain freeze from that giant milkshake. And then… we snuck out. Went back to your hotel. I think that was the first time you fingered me.”

“I think it was too.”

“What other things do you remember?”

“About that night?” I asked as I kissed him again, pulling his body flush against mine under the duvet. “Or about you?”

“I don’t know,” he said, voice breathless in surprise. Did he really think I didn’t remember everything he’d ever told me? All the small things I’d noticed? The tiny details I’d stitched together in my head over the years that made up the man that was Kanan Pendleberry. “About me?”

“You used to have this shampoo that smelled like coconut and papaya. For ages I thought it was your hair gel or something, but every time I smell any kind of tropical shampoo, I think of you. You have this smile you use with the press but it’s different from your real smile and I know the difference because when you smile at me, you have a dimple on your left cheek. You can’t drink Dr Pepper because it makes you gassy, and you’re the only person I’ve ever met who’d order olives and pineapple on pizza. When you were waiting to go on stage at awards shows, you always used to do this funny little hop and skip on the spot. You’ve never seenAlienbut you once told me you could recite the entirety ofThe Princess Bridefrom memory. And I recently found out you hate coffee but I know you love tiramisu because you once posted a photo of yourself in Sicily with two of them.”

The words poured out of me and there were so many more I could have said. But I couldn’t say anything else because Kanan was kissing me again, claiming my mouth and moaning breathlessly.

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