Page 147 of All I Want for Christmas

‘It’s better not to get too attached, right?’ she asked.

‘In my experience, yes.’

She stood before him, staring into those blue eyes that were so good at making women fall – but they were voids, as beautiful and as empty as the sky. He had lost everyone he ever loved and he knew how to detach in a way that she didn’t.‘Well,’ she said finally. ‘I guess that makes perfect sense when all you know are endings.’

He frowned. ‘What?’

‘...When all you know are endings, there’s safety in sticking to beginnings. And we’ve had our beginning, haven’t we?’ she asked quietly.

He hesitated, then nodded.

She nodded too, feeling a searing pain that flashed white behind her eyes. This really was it. ‘Yeah,’ she whispered. ‘...I guess I just needed to hear you say it.’

Luna ran a figure of eight between them, having her best day, and Darcy took a step back, trying to step out of his sphere. She truly was the rule and not the exception after all.

‘Bye, Max.’ She shrugged and took another step back, seeing how he didn’t stir, knowing she had to leave before the tears fell. She turned and began to walk away, but Luna gave a bark and ran up to her again, jumping so that her paws rested on Darcy’s thighs.

‘Goodbye little one,’ Darcy murmured, ruffling her head and kissing it again, stroking her behind her long silky ears. ‘You deserve better,’ she whispered, pressing her cheek against Luna’s fur and feeling her tears absorbed as she squeezed her eyes shut.

She remained like that for several moments, the dog sensing her despair in a way that Max did not. At last she straightened again, letting Luna resume her sprints. She looked back at him, standing frozen as he watched them.

‘I know you can give her back without a backward glance,’ she said stiffly, her hair flying around her face and hiding another solitary tear that had somehow escaped her guard and was sliding down her cheek. ‘But it might actually be kinder not to let her get attached to you.’

Max flinched at the comment but she didn’t wait for his defence; she just turned and walked away, holding her head up as she strode over the hard sand. The wind was in her face now and she felt the tears streak across her cheek like raindrops on a windscreen.

She didn’t turn back. There was nothing more to be said. He’d told her, almost without any words at all, that it was done. He was too entrenched, or she was too inconsequential after all, for him to break the chains that bound him.

She could feel her shoulders rising as she walked, the tears beginning to come harder as her heart pounded with the exercise and devastation. She just had to get back to the station; she could fall apart when she was on the train. It had been almost empty on the way up, everyone deserting the City for Christmas.

Luna shot past her like a golden arrow again, doubling back and coming to trot alongside her. She barked and jumped up, trying to nose Darcy’s palm as she walked, not understanding that she was leaving.

‘No, Luna...no, you can’t walk with me...Go back,’ she said, pointing behind her. But when did a dog ever look in the direction of a pointed finger? Luna nosed her hand again. ‘...Go back.’

Still the dog walked to heel, a faithful companion already, refusing to leave her – or be left.

‘Luna, go back.’ Uselessly, she pointed again, but the dog only seemed to cling closer. At this rate, Luna would be getting on the train with her. ‘...Please.’

Darcy looked up and away out to sea as she walked on, deciding ignoring Luna was probably the best option. If she didn’t engage, the dog would lose interest and go back to Max.

If he’d just blow the whistle, or call after her...Or was he so avoidant he’d actually just let the doggo?

She stopped abruptly and wheeled round. ‘Max! Could you just call h—’

She gasped as he almost ran into her, having to step into a sort of straddle around her so as not to mow her down, his hands grabbing her to hold her up.

For a moment, they stood there in a shock embrace, and she saw him see her wet lashes and cheeks; he saw her see the desperation in his eyes.

His fingers pressed against her arms, his breath coming hard as he brought her back to upright. ‘...I thought I could do it. I thought I could let you go,’ he panted. Her hair was being blown into his face and he swept it back, clasping her head with both hands. ‘But it’s too late.’ He swallowed, looking like a confession was being dragged from him. ‘...I’m already attached. Was from the very first night, when I had to leave you on the steps to go on yourdate.’ Jealousy flared in his eyes at the memory.

It was a moment before she could find her voice. ‘As I recall, you set up your own date too.’

But he shook his head. ‘I blew her off. We had gone two blocks before I told Christoff to turn around and drive back to the gallery.’

‘You came back for me?’ Darcy gasped.

‘You’d gone of course, but it was too late – you were already in my head. I knew I couldn’t have you, but that only seemed to make me want you more. I told myself to stay away but still I somehow found myself making up ways to see you. So I fell back on my old tricks. I figured if I couldn’t keep myself away from you, I could at least make you want to stay away from me. But that didn’t work either.’ His voice broke on thewords and she knew, from the look of panic that darted through his eyes, that he’d never spoken to anyone like this before.

‘Because I didn’t want to let you go Max,’ she said urgently. ‘I still don’t.’

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