Page 96 of All I Want for Christmas

She didn’t know how long they stood like that for; the door seemed to open and close several times, but no one else came in, though she could hear the murmur of voices out in the hall.

Eventually, when he felt she had calmed enough, he pulled back. ‘Good,’ he murmured, looking down at her. ‘...Did you bring a coat?’

She hesitated, unable to think clearly. Had she? She shook her head.

‘No? Not your running jacket?’ He gave a crooked smile that surprised her and she realized he was teasing her. A memory from the night they’d met. A moment of kindness. Hostilities on pause. ‘...Okay, so then we’re going to walk out of here and into the lobby. My driver’s waiting. He’ll take you home.’

She looked at him. The panic was still flushed in her blood. ‘Not you?’

He swallowed, shadows moving behind his eyes. He was close and far away, all at once. ‘...I have commitments here tonight...I have to stay.’

She recoiled, feeling exposed – like she’d shown something she shouldn’t in her moment of weakness – and she went topull away but his grip tightened around her wrists, holding her there.

‘If things could be different...’ he whispered, before gently kissing the top of her head.

The touch was so light, so tender, she might have thought she imagined it, had she not glimpsed their reflection in the mirror. Their eyes met in the glass, holding, holding...

The door opened again, a quietshushthat announced they weren’t alone, and his hands dropped away. He turned towards the door. ‘Time to go.’

He averted his gaze as she passed by him and they walked out and down the hall in silence, past the gaggle of women she had seen coming out of the toilets earlier, past red candles on polished side tables, evergreen swags looped along the walls, waiters hurrying back and forth with trays.

‘Everyone’s staring,’ she whispered, seeing how people stopped talking mid-conversation as they passed. Max’s polished composure only seemed to heighten the contrast with her wrecked make-up and ruined dress.

‘You’re still the most beautiful woman here,’ he murmured back.

She looked over at him in surprise, but his gaze was dead ahead as they approached the snowy lobby, where his driver was already waiting for her. He was protecting her the only way he could – or knew how – and she felt his hand hover, as ever, at the small of her back.

It was a heat that promised to warm her, if only it would land.

Chapter Twenty

‘Hi.’ Aksel stood in the hallway, smiling back at her trepidatiously.

‘Aksel!’ she said in surprise, her heart plunging to her feet as she took in the sight of him clutching a bottle of wine, some flowers and a bag of unpopped corn kernels. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘...I decided to be spontaneous for once and see where it would get me.’ He looked back at her awkwardly. ‘I, uh...felt really embarrassed about the other night. That’s why I haven’t called. I’m sorry.’

‘Oh – no, really, it’s fine. I get it,’ she said quickly, feeling his difficulty. ‘We both hadwaytoo much to drink.’

‘Yeah...’ He shot her a shy grin. ‘Would you believe me if I told you nothing like that’s ever happened to me before?’

‘Of course!’ she lied. ‘But it didn’t matter anyway. It’s always a much bigger deal to guys than it is to us.’

He shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes. ‘I should have known you’d be okay about it. I know I should have called. I just—’

‘Stop,’ she smiled, desperately trying to reassure him; desperately trying to get off the subject. ‘It was really fine.’

‘Okay, well good then.’

They stared at one another in awkward silence for amoment and she felt her despair grow. The apology was sweet but she was in no mood to socialize. But he had come all the way over here, with gifts, and she couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been for him to come here and face her after the disaster on Thursday. ‘...Do you want to come in?’

He looked back at her with relief. ‘I mean, only if you’re free? I wasn’t sure you’d even be in...’

She stepped back for him to come into their small entrance hall, taking his gifts with an appreciative smile. ‘My flatmate’s been away for the weekend so I’ve been enjoying having the place to myself...God, I must look a state,’ she muttered, realizing she hadn’t even looked in a mirror today.

‘No. You look...cosy,’ he said, taking in her bare feet (at least they were pedicured), tartan PJ bottoms and the old, soft blue shirt Lars had left and which she had no intention of returning; she considered keeping it a cheat’s tax he had to pay.

She knew he was being kind. She hadn’t slept, of course, all of yesterday’s well-being exercise undone. She was so tightly strung she couldn’t settle; so wired she couldn’t eat; she was exhausted but couldn’t rest; the apartment had never been so clean. Freja had finally returned her calls with a single text –‘Sorry! Been busy [winking emoji] Will update you when back’– and Darcy had spent the entire night staring at the ceiling, wondering how on earth she could make this right.

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