Page 75 of The Midnight Secret

‘So it’s true, then,’ Mad Annie said breathlessly, looking at her with wild eyes. ‘You’re back.’

‘Aye.’

The air in the room seemed to roll around their heads, thoughts jostling for space, everyone looking at her with stunned expressions that gave her an indication of just how they had received David’s revelations. She wondered when exactly he had told them. The day after he got back? This morning?

Annie looked like she wanted to say something, to do something...her body lurching forward a little before she caught herself and pulled back. Mhairi knew a slapped cheek was the least she deserved.

‘Well, lass,’ Ma Peg breathed, shooing the children away so she could get to a chair and sit down. She looked back at Mhairi with aged eyes. She had seen plenty of scandals in her lifetime; but did anything amount to the horror of Mhairi and Flora’s secrets? ‘What a thing, you coming back unannounced like this.’

Mhairi swallowed. More sounds were coming to their ear – the squeaky hinge of the gate, footsteps on the path, the frontdoor hitting the wall – and she knew the entire village would be here within moments. One of the children must be running from door to door, spreading the news.

Two puppies shot in, ears up, noses down, as they investigated the commotion.

‘Mhairi?’ Effie gasped, bursting through a moment later, looking worried and excited all at once. ‘What are you doing here? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?’

But there was no time to reply. More familiar faces were coming through, young and old, all wearing the same look – except for David. He came in with wild eyes that told her he’d sprinted here too.

‘Mhairi?’

‘Hello, David,’ she said quietly, offering nothing more. She was waiting now for her parents to arrive, since it was clearly their judgement that would determine everyone else’s response. They were holding their tongues – even Mad Annie, just – and a silence fell over the room as it filled up with more and more bodies. Mhairi felt as if she was in court, waiting for the judge to pass sentence.

Her parents were the last to walk through. Her mother’s eyes were already wet as she came in. Her father was pale. They were followed by Christina MacQueen, wheeling Flora’s father, in his chair. His injured leg was still bandaged. Norman, Jayne and Old Fin were further up the lane and it would be several minutes before they made an appearance, though Mhairi didn’t doubt they would.

Rachel looked her daughter up and down with haunted eyes, taking in the young woman’s slender body, and Mhairi could see she found it scarcely possible to believe that she had birthed a baby. Her own child had lost a child and she had hidden it all behind a ridge, a shawl and a stoical smile.

Finally, the room stilled. Silence fell like a black curtain. Everyone waited.

‘...I know I’ve let you all down,’ she began in a small voice, her eyes darting between them all. ‘You expected better from me and I failed you...’ She swallowed, feeling the quiver of emotions in her chest at the coming words she knew she had to say. ‘It was never my intention to fall in love with Donald. He was married and I know what that makes me. I have wrestled with my conscience since the very first moment and no one could hate me more than I have hated myself. I ought to have married McLennan and done my duty and I’m...I’m sorry that I couldn’t go through with it.’

David’s head dropped at her words, Effie blanching, for she too had lived through a similar fate. Mhairi saw a tear trickling down her mother’s cheek, although she stood as frozen as the rocks on the St Kildan hills.

‘I tried my best not to lie to any one of you and, in going over to the other side, I was trying not to deceive you but to spare you from the shame of my actions.’ Her eyes moved slowly over the gathered faces and she saw in them sorrow marbled with pity, but disgust too. She could not sugarcoat the egregiousness of her actions.

‘...Donald and I tried to make things right, as best we could, and we were resolved to stand by our...our decision to be apart and give up the baby. But...I lost my daughter...’ Her voice broke on the words, her mother slumping too. ‘And I have come to accept that it was God’s will. It was just punishment for my sin. I knew Donald was a married man. I deserved my fate.’

‘Mhairi—’ David said, taking a half step forward from where he stood pressed against the wall.

‘No, David,’ she said, stopping him from stopping her. ‘I need to say this. All of it.’

He fell back, looking pained by her self-censure.

‘But Flora’s only sin was her...haste. Timing. It was wrong, aye, but James was coming back to marry her. The scandal would have been erased the moment they were wed. She did not deserve to have her baby stolen under a wicked lie.No onedeserves that.’ She tried to stand a little taller. ‘Flora and I sinned, we don’t deny it – but we were not the only ones. Lorna is not who you believe her to be.’ She saw the look of consternation cross Ma Peg’s face at the unexpected mention of the nurse’s name. She stalled for a moment. ‘Nor Crabbit Mary either.’ She swallowed. ‘They’re lovers.’

A collective gasp whistled around the room and she realized David must not have revealed this final secret. Had it been a scandal too far for him? None of these were his stories, after all.

For a moment Mhairi felt her nerve fail her as a murmur of protest broke out and the children were quickly shooed from the room, but she was here to speak the truth, no matter how dark or unpalatable it may be.

‘I’m sorry but it’s true. They manipulated us both in different ways...And tricked Donald too.’ She looked down, playing with her fingers, which were interlaced in front of her.

‘When I went to Oban, it was to do the right thing. I could not stand by as he was jailed on account of a lie. It was Flora, not Mary, who gave birth to a baby that night, and when Mary forsook his alibi, I had no choice but to come forward and tell the truth – that he had been with me after midnight.’

She saw her father turn away, but her mother stood motionless, tears tracking down her cheeks.

‘And when he was freed, I could not pretend I did not love him still. I have always been, I hope, a dutiful daughter, but we had suffered greatly during our time apart and, in the end, I chose to live with shame than to live without him. Of course we cannot be wed – Mary has seen to that, fleeing to Canada without giving him a divorce.’

Ma Peg flinched at the word and Mhairi stared down at the floor. Was her message falling on deaf ears? Had coming back been a terrible mistake?

‘I don’t expect you to understand, much less to forgive, and I know you must be wondering why, then, I am here.’ She bit her lip before she looked up again and stared at the opposite wall. It was impossible to meet anyone’s eye.

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