Page 56 of Ms. V's Hot Girl Summer

“The text from Milton, Trinidad, and you’re right, I do have a tone; I am sorry.” Orlando dropped the decibels but said it loud enough for me to hear him over the music. Milton…oh.

“I don’t know what to answer yet; I need to think,” I said, hoping he understood. I couldn’t just text Milton and say, “Hi, nah, I’m good, I have a man now.” That would be immature. This required a phone call, and I was not equipped to handle that at the moment.

“Wow, fine. Okay. Imma go take a walk with the guys. I…you do you, Trinidad,” Orlando said, his retreating form becoming a blur of color in a sea of more color. My chest ached, and I didn’t know how to make it better. But my head? That pounding was unbearable.

“Oh, Trinidad, listen, he’s…this is…you’re both drinking, it will be okay tomorrow.” Okay tomorrow…but nah.

“No, he should know better; he’s supposed to have my back. How can he walk away? When I’m not even doing okay?” The more I thought about what just happened the more I saw red. The haze grew at a faster rate than the cartwheels in my stomach until my body once more was in movement.

“Wait, wait, Trinidad, where are you going?” Grace’s tiny steps were loud as hell behind me as I navigated the crowd in search of a place where I could order a ride.

“You can’t leave on your own; I… I’ll come with you.”

Clearly, Grace didn’t want to leave. I saw her and Desmond dancing a lot; she danced with all her friends, but Desmond stayed by her side most of the time; his going with Orlando was clearly a solidarity thing, and I understood, but I did not plan to ruin her night too. Whirling around, the rum slushed all around my stomach and head, and I needed a second to wait for everything to settle down.

“No. I’m a grown woman. This is not the first time I have taken a taxi drunk. This is how we’ll do it. I will call you as soon as I am in the car, and I will leave the call open till I get to the rental. Okay? There is no need for both our nights to get messed up, alright?” The slurs were decreasing enough to convince Grace of the plan. She nodded sadly, holding me so tight in a hug more fit to a gentle giant instead of the tiny pixie she was.

“Listen, he is in love with you. The dumbass just doesn’t know how to say it.” All my veins lit up at the sound of her words, but clarity had a way of always inserting its way.

“Love is beautiful, and I do believe you believe that, but he needs to sort some things out first before he can love me like I deserve.” Every single part of the sentence came out clear and concise.

No slurs. No doubts.

TWENTY-FOUR

Orlando

Trinidad had me twisted. After everything I’d shared with her this weekend, after making me believe we had a future past Ofele, she hadn’t texted that man to tell her she was done with him. I didn’t care about him, wasn’t jealous or anything like that. What I had to offer didn’t compare with him. It was the fact she was still on the fence about us.

“Yo, slow down; where are we going?” Trevor asked, jogging behind me. I didn’t have a destination in mind; revelers cleared a path as I powered through the crowd, trying to find some space that was quieter than this. The booming of the speakers reverberated in my head, exacerbating my mood. Now I’d lost any capacity to be even-keeled; of course, Trinidad would knock me out of my lane; I should have expected this. The fact I thought I had a chance was laughable.

“Nah, I was just looking for a quiet spot,” I said, the calm in my tone reassuring me I hadn’t fully lost my touch.

“Shit, Orlando, stop. Are you really gonna do this? Trinidad is drunk, man; give her a chance to explain once she is sober.”

“She has been sober all these days; she was sober this morning; why not reach out to that man and tell her about us?”

“Dude, she’s a grown woman. What type of childish move would it be for her to text or call that dude? Didn’t you say they had been seeing each other for a minute? Remember what happened with me and Grace?” Desmond asked. I winced at the reminder of his spectacular failure with Grace; he’d really mismanaged what he still considered the best relationship he’d ever had.

At least he had a chance. I got a weekend.

“Son, you gotta pause and think this through the alcohol is dictating a lot of your emotions right now; you gotta chill,” Trevor urged me.

Their words penetrated my thick skull, and I took stock. They weren’t lying, I was not completely faded, but we’d been under the sweltering sun and had drunk enough rum to fell a horse. My feet were steady, but my head had long ago started thumping to the rhythm of the music, reminding me that tomorrow I’d deal with a hell of a hangover.

“Fine, you’re right; my point still stands.”

“Your point sucks, respectfully. That woman, if not in love, is very infatuated with you. She’s stepped out of her shell to spend this weekend with you.”

Every word they said made sense, but damn, the hole in my chest wouldn’t allow for reasoning. Trinidad, from everything I had known about her, was one of the most considerate, caring people I had ever known. She’d put aside her wants and needs to provide for her children and to achieve what she believed was a picture-perfect family. And I’d come in and in a few days had asked her to let that dream go, to be with me. Fuck. I… I was afraid. What if I wasn’t everything she needed?

“I need space,” I told my friends, their faces both contorted, Desmond into nothing and Trevor into disappointment. “I’m not retreating; I just literally need a minute to sort my brain out. Y’all speaking facts, and when I go back to Trinidad, I’m gonna take her to the rental and make sure we both get some water and ibuprofen and tomorrow we can talk.”

Trevor grinned at my explanation, thumping on my back in a rough embrace. Desmond nodded, a very slight smirk telling me he approved.

They both made their way back to our area, and I finally found a spot with some large rocks where I could sit and explore my thoughts. I’d jump in headfirst to the dream of Trinidad and me, but all of that meant big changes. Having a girlfriend with two kids meant I needed to be stable beyond what I had now, but here I was thinking still of dropping law school. Time was another thing; I could barely keep up with Ma and my brothers and the mentorship program. Trinidad deserved time and attention. The weight of the world settled on my shoulders as I tried to figure out the puzzle pieces, how everything would fit together.

A soft touch shook me out of my reverie. My chest tightened, hopeful it was Trinidad, but it had only taken a few days for me to learn her touch. When I raised up, I got face-to-face with Maria. Even with all this shit happening, my grin couldn’t be helped.

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