Page 58 of Ms. V's Hot Girl Summer

“Ohh, yes, you did. And in one fell swoop, you showed me that you still are operating as a child. And I get it; you haven’t had time to grow, not with how you’ve had to protect yourself from hurt. But I saw the man within these days, and I hoped that that was who I was starting a relationship with. Instead, the boy came out with a tantrum at the first challenge. Not only that, you retreated. Again, to that, ‘I’m fine, bullshit. No, you were not fine, and instead of waiting until tomorrow to have a calm conversation, you just acted a whole fool. Made a fool out of me too. And you know I don’t like that.” She pushed the bedding off her, sitting up, her eyes bloodshot, her mouth twisted in anger. Fuck, she was gorgeous.

“Listen, I know I fucked up. Please let me explain; I…”

“I know you are going to have an explanation; I get it. But I don’t need it. What I do recommend is you take the time to take stock. Create boundaries with your family, and cancel law school. Live your life. Stand up foryourself and what you want. No one else is gonna do that for you. And…” Trinidad sniffled, and my stomach dropped all the way to the ground floor. “And keep opening up, letting people in to help you. You don’t have to do any of it alone. Not anymore.”

“Trinidad, listen, I get it. I acted wrong, and I shouldn’t have, but…don’t give up on me. I…we can still be each other’s shoulder to lean on. Let me take care of you, and I promise I will let you take care of me.”

“No. I need someone who can emote. That can open up, and you aren’t there yet. And I have plans; I have a timeline.” Her voice cracked, and the sound broke me inside. How had I gotten so close to having everything I wanted and squandered it so soon?

“Are you gonna go to the Poconos?” The bravery it took to ask that question would haunt me forever.

“No. That is not the right thing for me either. I thought…never mind what I thought, but no. I’m not. But I want to get back home to the twins. I’ve been here long enough.” Trinidad stopped crying, and a hardness took over her, muscle by muscle. She put up a barrier between us; if I didn’t penetrate it now, I would be shut out.

“Please… Trin, I need you. I… I found Maria, and she is going to bring Maya tomorrow and I… I want you here. I need you here. It’s… I need the support.” The back of my eyes burned at the hardest words I’d ever utter in my life. This woman…she had my heart. “I love you, and I fucked up, and I don’t want to lose you. You have taught me in these few months how to love out loud and how to accept love in a way I never knew possible. With your charisma, your kindness, and your steadfastness, and your cooking, damn your cooking, and that temper of yours that I swear gets me hard every time. And don’t get me started with the old sayings. You have me. You have my heart.”

Trinidad’s eyes watered, and that wall dropped at the same time her face dropped to her hands. A spark of hope ignited in me to die immediately when her head started shaking side to side.

“You need time. You’re young and… I knew it, but still, I dreamed. I love you too, Orlando, but sometimes, when you love someone, you know you are not the best for them. I have too much, and you need time to process and—”

“Please don’t say it.” I held up my hand, attempting to stop her by any means.

“—grow. And I need someone that can commit to all,” she finished.

And with those words, she terminated the hope within.

TWENTY-FIVE

Trinidad

Just as I suspected, the wake-up on Sunday felt brutal. Cotton moved into my mouth overnight, and no amount of water in the world would fix it. The constant pounding in my head felt worse than passing by a construction site in Brooklyn, and my body ached in places I didn’t even have a name for. Hot Gyal was no longer back to tired, overworked Trinidad Velasquez. But now I sported a broken heart, courtesy of a man-child.

Instincts never failed me until now. Everything felt right with Orlando by my side. The fear and concerns were all minimal to the sense of rightness that filled me anytime we were together. This weekend had been the culmination of the longest flirting I’d ever had, and for a second, I believed it would have an ending worthy of a movie. An ending worthy of what my parents had together, what I had always aspired to.

Instead, the butterflies in my stomach haphazardly flapped their wings when I sneaked out of my room, hearing Orlando’s raised voice in the other room. The urge to stop and listen, to go and comfort him, pulled me, but I resisted. There was nothing to do but to leave. Whatever he was doing, he could manage on his own. After all, that was all he ever did.

The ride took the scenic route, the morning rays not enough to lift the grayness clouding everything. The morning mist clung to the foliage and palms on the way, the streets pristine, as if nothing had ever happened in the town. Bungalows, hotels, and establishments flew by in a combination of colors until we hit the highway.

“Sir, do you mind me making a call?” I pulled out my cell phone, awaiting the verdict. Once the driver agreed, I went to my favorites and dialed Brian’s number.

“What’s up, Ma, you good?” His husky voice had deepened since the last time I heard it. Damn, I was really hurt if I was this nostalgic by just hearing my baby’s voice.

“I… I’m okay; listen, I’m on my way back, currently approaching the airport. I wanted y’all to know I was able to switch to an earlier flight; they had some last-minute openings.” Probably a bunch of people got smart at the last minute and switched their travel plans after having too much fun last night.

“What you mean you coming back early?” Brandon’s voice popped up. I should have known better—I’d strategically called Brian as he was the most understanding of the two. The boys had invested a lot on this weekend, hoping for a happy ending for their mother. I wasn’t naive, the way they talked to me about Orlando had always been more than just care and trust for their mentor. They probably had seen what everyone did when we were in the same room. The attraction and pull that we couldn’t fight even at the beginning. I hated to disappoint them, but nothing would happen now.

“Because I am tired, and I need my bed. And more importantly, I miss you both.” Even though this was all going on and they had a vested interest, they did not get to know all my thoughts. The boundaries I would set moving forward with them would allow me to have a more fulfilling life. One where I got to be Trinidad and not just Brian and Brandon’s mother.

This weekend had been necessary for so many reasons, not only the ones the twins thought of. It was time for some change in my dreams and goals. I could have dreams just for myself nothing related to them. The boys were growing so beautifully, and no matter what they would be okay. So what if I didn’t have a husband to be their stepdaddy? I had a village that surrounded us and I hadn’t realized the value of it until this weekend.

“We miss you too, but what’s up? We thought you had a later flight; I think Orlando was on it too…” Brian dropped the fact so nonchalant I wanted to cackle. These children.

“Really? I wonder how you knew that?” I exited the car while the driver helped me with my luggage. The heat punched me in the face, more concentrated here away from the sea breeze. The relief of the AC welcomed me inside the building, and I found a seat to finish my conversation with the twins.

“Well, you know we be chattin’ with Orlando,” Brandon explained. I swear they must think I was born yesterday.

“Boys, I wasn’t born yesterday; I know what you wanted to happen through this trip. I birthed you. Y’all gone be grounded the whole summer, and wewillhave a big conversation when I’m at home. But for now, hear this. Orlando and I are adults. We do not need anyone’s meddling. I’m leaving early and he is staying behind. There is nothing there. And moving forward, I need you to respect that fact. I am the parent here, and you both do not get to dictate my comings and goings. Let this never happen again.” The bass in my voice did the trick. The silence on the other side lengthened until a scuffle erupted and then Brian spoke.

“Ma, we are sorry, you right, we…yeah we will see you at home.”

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