Page 34 of Deeply Examined

I gasped in disbelief when I saw that. It was the easiest code to crack in the world. Who lives like that? So trusting and vulnerable? If it wouldn’t reveal my invasion of her privacy, I’d have a serious discussion about cybersecurity with her.

I tap the passcode into her phone, shaking my head with disapproval, and scroll to her text messages. Based on the timestamp, the ones that made her laugh are to someone she’s labeled as M.

Who the fuck is M?

Michael?

Matthew?

Miguel?

Jesus, can’t she spell the entire name out?

I run an aggravated hand through my hair, then look over the rest of her call log. More time talking to this mysterious M. The night before Brad tried to beat down her door, Jessica spent two hours chatting with this person.

Another name catches my attention. A missed call from a Stewart Stralla, who lives in Las Vegas. I drag a hand over my face.Crap. Who is he? A sigh of relief when I see in the notes section under his contact information it reads, “Cousin Stewart. Son of Aunt Marie (deceased) and Uncle Johnny (deceased).”

Thank God.

Just a cousin.

Besides that, Jessica occasionally talks to some other women. Another cousin named Sarah. A Meredith, Samatha, and someone who’s labeled as “Julie from work.”

No one that interests me, besides this M.

I scroll through her texts, my teeth grinding as I see the string of messages to M. They’re hidden under her phone’s private settings. Why? What are they talking about? The thought of her keeping secrets from me, of her laughing with someone else, twists my insides.

Frustrated that her phone hasn’t satisfied my curiosity, I return it to her bedside. I’m about to go down the staircase when I pause with one foot lifted. Two steps and I’m back inside, staring at Jessica like a stalker. She’s beautiful, there’s no doubt about it. Lightly flushed cheeks and rose petal lips. Tangled hair that begs to be wrapped around my fist. Asleep, she looks younger, more like the girl I used to furtively watch from across the school yard.

I liked her back then because she was pretty, but even more because she seemed kind. She floated around, talking to everyone, jocks and geeks alike. I daydreamed she would cast those green eyes on me. That she would laugh at my jokes, maybe touch my arm in that unselfconscious way she had. Whenever she came near, reality would hit. I’d duck and hide, like the coward I was. I couldn’t stand the thought of her laughing at me the way everyone else did.

For a fleeting moment, I imagine climbing into bed, letting her wake up with me already buried inside her. She’d be startled but helpless beneath me—no—I can’t do it. She looks too sweetly peaceful, so I discard that plan. Instead, I gently lift her arm, then tuck it in next to her side. Moving slowly and quietly, I pull the covers higher until they cover her chest, which rises and falls with shallow breaths.

For longer than I’d like to admit, I watch her sleep, marveling at her delicate beauty, unable to believe she’s here in my home. Like a fantasy brought to life. She’s grown even more gorgeous with age. I can’t be the only one who’s noticed. Imagining those lips touching another man, like this M guy, makes my fists curl by my sides.

Part of me wants to possess her in the most brutal way.

The other part wants to protect her, even from myself.

I wonder which will win?

Jessica

He’s avoiding me. It’s been weeks, and I’ve barely seen him. This morning, I deliberately set my alarm for earlier than usual, hoping to catch West before he leaves for work. I make it to the top of my stairs just in time to see the front door drift shut. I run after him, out the door and into the hallway, wearing only my short nightgown, but it’s too late. The elevator shows the numbers going down, level 12, 11, 10, until it reaches G2, the underground garage where he parks. I return to the empty condo with a disappointed sigh.

My phone chimes with an incoming text message.

Sarah: Any news?

Jessica: No, which is bad. If I got the job, they would’ve responded by now.

Sarah: I’m so sad. You’ll apply for a different position, right?

Jessica: Of course. I’ll keep you posted.

Sarah: Okay. Don’t worry. We’ll find something for you here.

Jessica: We totally will. I need to get to NYC.

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