Page 43 of Novel Problems

While I hadn’t worked through my feelings about the fact Hannah was H. M. Stuart, did that really matter? The important thing was what Hannah was like in real life, not her pen name or who I’d built H. M. Stuart up to be in my head. And Hannah in real life was great. Our time trapped on this kayak had only cemented that.

While my concern about how awkward it would be if the conversation went badly while we were stuck on a kayak with no way of escape was reasonable, it was now beginning to feel just as awkward not discussing it. I didn’t need to have all the answers before we spoke. We could work through it together. The first thing I needed to clarify was the power imbalance situation.

“Hannah?” I asked as nonchalantly as I could. “Look, about last night”—my pulse thudded in my ears—“I got a bit carried away in the moment and, um…” My voice trailed off as I tried to think about how to best to phrase what I wanted to say. “But, um, I’m conscious that it was—or might have been—inappropriate, given I’m your boss and that I shouldn’t have kissed you like that but…

Shit.I wanted to say something to make it clear I really liked her and also try to explore whether Blake’s theory about the power imbalance not being a concern was right.But how could I say that in a way that wouldn’t make her feel uncomfortable if my feelings weren’t reciprocated or if therewasa power imbalance?

I took another breath, about to try to explain, when Hannah spoke.

“That’s fine. I totally get it. It’s not like it was all you—I kissed you too—but it won’t happen again,” Hannah said quickly. “Given I just got out of a long-term relationship recently, it’s probably a good idea for me to not, um…start anything new, anyway…and for us just to be friends.”

While Hannah’s response at least indicated she’d been a willing participant, disappointment flooded through me at her words. I totally understood not wanting to jump into another relationship—I’d felt that way after Alexis and I had broken up—and this outcome was less complicated. But that did nothing to ease my disappointment.I wonder if the recent breakup is really the reason, or if it’s just an excuse to let me down gently?I inwardly shook myself. Either way, it didn’t matter. The end result was the same.

Maybe I should say something to make it clear that if, in the future, she was interested in dating again, to keep me in mind?God, that sounds pathetic.No, best to leave it alone.

“But you don’t need to worry about the whole boss/employee thing,” Hannah continued. “I don’t think the usual dynamics that go along with that relationship apply here. I enjoy working at Novel Gossip, but it’s more like a…hobby, not a critical stream of income or anything. I think it’s helping with my writing, but I don’t need it…and I’m sure I could get a similar job if I had to.”

I exhaled. So Blake had been right about that. But it was no longer relevant given Hannah wasn’t interested in dating.

“Dippin’ Donuts would snap you up in a second,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.

Hannah sucked in a dramatic breath. “I’d never join the dark side. Who do you think I am? I was thinking more like Builders’ Arms or Olivia’s flower shop. Not a soulless chain.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry!” I smiled into the sun at the faux outrage in her voice.

Our banter hadn’t helped shake my unease about how our conversation had just played out. I hadn’t expressed myself very well, but now Hannah had made it clear she wasn’t interested in me, it would only make things more awkward and achieve nothing if I explained my feelings for her. Hannah wanted to remain friends, and I had to respect that.

“I’m sorry about your breakup,” I said. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I started overthinking them. Was I being overly nosy, given my feelings for Hannah, or was that just the sort of thing a friend and colleague would say?

“That’s okay,” Hannah said, pausing for a moment. “In retrospect, it was all for the best. We didn’t have the healthiest relationship. But because we were together for so long, our lives were very intertwined. We shared an apartment together, all our friends were mutual friends, so it’s been an enormous change. And to make matters worse, my ex was also my editor and was cheating on me with another, much younger, author she worked with.”

I winced. “Shit. That sounds really tough,” I said.

“Yeah,” Hannah said. “It turned out the whole cheating thing was also widely known in publishing circles, including our friend group, so that was pretty humiliating.”

I groaned. I knew how much Hannah valued herprivacy and disliked being the center of attention. Discovering that not only was your ex cheating on you but that everyone else knew and had presumably been gossiping about it behind your back must have been awful. No wonder she wanted to leave New York. Suddenly, a thought struck me. “Oh god. Is she still your editor?”

“You sound absolutely horrified!” Hannah laughed. “No, I’ve got a new one. I couldn’t have kept working with her after what happened.”

“Oh, thank god!” I said, relieved.

“Did you always want to be a café-bookstore owner?” Hannah asked after a few moments of silence.

I chuckled. “Well, it had always been a fantasy of mine but not something I’d realistically considered. If you can believe it, I was actually a math and science nerd in school. I studied computer science at the University of South Florida so I could become an app developer.”

“You, a nerd?” Hannah exclaimed, her voice light. “I never would have guessed from your collection of physics and American history books.”

“Hey! You snooped around my bookshelves?” I asked in mock outrage.

“I was alone in your spare bedroom lined with books. I couldn’t help it. It’s a compulsion,” Hannah protested. “So what made you change career paths?” She sounded genuinely intrigued.

“I liked being an app developer. But after a while, the work began to feel monotonous and quite isolated. The idea of opening a café, where I’d have constant interaction with people, be able to pursue my passion for cooking—which I consider a science—and books, became more and more appealing. And like you, I had a relationship break down and decided to give it a go. I’ve never looked back.”

“Sapphire Springs, a safe haven for lesbians fleeing breakups since 2021,” Hannah said, laughing. “Sorry. I shouldn’t assume you’re a lesbian.”

“Well, I am.” I grinned.

“Me too,” Hannah replied.

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