Page 70 of Novel Problems

As soon as I got back to the hotel room, I pulled off my shoes, changed into my pajamas, and FaceTimed George. Seeing her smiling face, as she sat propped up against the head of her bed, and hearing her voice sent a warm rush through me. I could hear Max snoring somewhere nearby. I wished I could teleport myself next to her and nuzzle into her chest.

“Hi, gorgeous. How are you doing?” George asked.

Leaning back on the pillows on my hotel bed, I filled her in on the publicity meeting. Tears welled in my eyes as I told George that I was the source of the leak.

“I know it really sucks, but try not to be too hard on yourself about signing the wrong name,” George said gently.

“It’s hard not to since I brought it all on myself,’ I said, blinking.

“I wouldn’t say that. You were going through a hugeupheaval which was caused by something outside your control—Tania cheating on you. You were dealing with a divorce, moving, writer’s block, financial stress and worry about Barb. You need to cut yourself some slack.”

I swallowed and nodded.

“You know, for someone who doesn’t like difficult conversations, it sounds like you did a pretty amazing job today. Standing up to your publicity team like that couldn’t have been easy,” George said.

I managed a weak smile. “Chris said something similar to me today—that I was ‘brave’ for refusing to do any publicity when there was so much pressure on authors to do it. I’d always felt it was a character flaw on my part. I was too shy, too introverted, too socially awkward.”

“I don’t see that as a character flaw at all. It’s just who you are. Surely a lot of authors would be the same. What are the chances, really, that people who love spending most of their time in imaginary worlds are also going to be extroverts who love the limelight?”

“True. Although, I was lucky to have Tania on my side, advocating for me.”

“Even still, it doesn’t detract from the fact that it was a difficult conversation, but you stood firm. And you spoke to Michael about the book, even when you thought he was going to rip it to shreds.”

I laughed softly. “I’m so glad I did that, or I would have spent days worrying about what he was going to say, when I didn’t need to at all.”

George paused again. “Hey, Hannah. Why do you think you found those conversations easier to have than some of the other conversations you’ve struggled with?” Her voice was low and thoughtful.

There was silence while I turned George’s questionover in my mind, thinking of all the conversations I’d agonized over and delayed. Telling George and my parents I was H. M. Stuart, confronting Tania about her infidelity, and now, talking to her about finalizing the financial side of our divorce.

“Looking back, I wonder if it all stemmed from my parents. They were so distant and unapproachable that I found it really hard to talk to them. And when I did get up enough courage, they were so often dismissive. Whether it was about my desire to be a writer or my desire not to do drama and debate.”

George furrowed her brow. “That would have been really tough. Kids need to be able to feel comfortable speaking to their parents.”

“Yeah.” I gave George a small smile. “I think the conversations I struggle with the most are the more personal ones, because there’s more potential for me to get hurt or hurt others.” I shifted in the bed, trying to find the best words to express my feelings.

“Like with you and my parents, I was worried revealing I’m H. M. Stuart might make you think I was weird or see me differently, and result in my parents saying hurtful things about my career. And I’ve been putting off speaking to Tania about the division of our assets, and again, it’s very personal, especially when it comes to things like furniture or artwork that we both love. Whereas with the publisher, it’s business.” I pressed my lips together, still trying to work through my thoughts. “Although, having said that I was very nervous about talking to Michael yesterday. Getting negative feedback on my work is pretty personal, and I was also worried about what it would mean financially if I had to do a total rewrite.”

“Well, that makes it even more awesome that you did it, then.”

I smiled. “I think the events of the last few months made me realize that there’s rarely any benefit in delaying the inevitable. All it does is give me more time to stress about the whole thing—like I did when I first met you and spent days agonizing over when and how to tell you I was H. M. Stuart. And, as I discovered today, that resulted in me accidentally disclosing my real name—a perfect example of just how counterproductive putting off conversations can be. With Michael, I knew that if I could muster up the courage to speak to him, instead of spending days anticipating his concerns, sending myself into even more of an anxiety spiral with what-ifs, I’d find out exactly what his problem was. And once I was armed with that information, I could at least take steps to deal with it—whether it was revising my book or something more drastic. So maybe I am getting better at having difficult conversations.”

“That’s great. And it makes sense about it being more challenging when it’s personal,” George said gently. “When Alexis and I were breaking up, I saw a therapist for a while, and they really helped me with how to address some conversations I had to have with Alexis. I’ve got a worksheet she sent me somewhere with some tips on how to approach conversations that I’ll try to dig up.”

“That would be awesome.” The fact that George had struggled with similar problems was oddly comforting. She seemed so good at addressing issues head on now that it was positive to hear that it really was something I could work on and improve. It gave me hope.

“My therapist also emphasized that all I could control was how I handled my side of the conversation. I couldn’tcontrol how the other person reacted to what I said. I just had to let go of my worries about how Alexis would react and instead focus on breaking up with her in the kindest way possible. It was kind of liberating to hear that.”

I nodded thoughtfully. “That is a good way of looking at it.”

The more I thought about it, the more it dawned on me that I probably didn’t have a lot to lose by having the conversations with my parents and Tania. With my parents, my feelings were already hurt after years of them not supporting my writing career or making an effort to be close to me. Could they really do much to hurt me further? And with Tania, she currently had all the assets that were up for discussion in her possession. Unless she refused to give me anything, which was highly unlikely, speaking to her could only improve my position. Resolve washed over me. Instead of continuing to avoid facing Tania and my parents, I should just get it over with.

“Tania messaged me to see if I could meet with her tomorrow to talk about dividing our assets. Would you mind if I stayed an extra night to try to get it sorted? And while I’m at it, I should probably call my parents too.” My pulse quickened at the thought, but there was also relief that I’d finally decided to take action.

George smiled softly. “Of course that’s fine. And if you want me to help you practice some role-playing, just let me know.” George’s face broke into a cheeky grin.

I smiled. “Role-playing, eh? I can think of much better role-playing options than you pretending to be my ex or my parents…”

“Oh, really? Care to share?” George asked, her tone playful.

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