Page 15 of Dark Room Junkie

“I’ll come by afterward. It doesn’t matter if you’re not there. I have a key and can just leave the camera at the entrance for you.”

“Yeah, that’s good. Thanks.”

“We’re leaving right now. Have a nice weekend!”

“Thanks! Have fun at Lake Como.”

I hung up and remained sitting on the bed for a moment. Would I ever go on vacation with a partner? I doubted it. After everything that had happened, I still had enough to deal with myself. It would have been irresponsible to burden someone else with me. Noé had a nose for that; otherwise, he probably wouldn’t have left so early.

I smiled and got dressed, but then stopped. Just the thought of Noé caused me to feel ... happy?

Oh God! Get a grip. My brain is playing tricks on me.

Usually, I was at Livio’s from Friday evening until Sunday afternoon. There, it was just about fucking and consuming. The Monday after was pure hell, the come-down was horror, and I didn’t feel like myself until Tuesday. Fortunately, I was self-employed and had the opportunity to do administrative work from home on Mondays.

Once dressed, I returned to the living room, where the beer was still on the table. It was still cool, so I grabbed the bottle and went to the large window to drink.

The inner tension was still there, and it annoyed me. I wasn’t an addict! Livio mentioned something about a company trip to the Baltic. And just because one party fell through, I wouldn’t go crazy. With Noé, I had indeed proven to myself that I was still completely normal—although I couldn’t remember ever having a one-night stand. My fears had always been too great that I might lose control. But with Noé, it turned out to be much easier than I had imagined.

Well, apart from the asthma attack. That hadn’t been particularly elegant of me. It was nice of Noé to ask how I was feeling—he didn’t have to do that.

What is he doing right now?

Playing music?

A smile crept onto my face once again. Damn it! I desperately needed to get my mind off this. What happened with Noé was a one-time thing. Next weekend, I would be back with Livio.

But until then, I should make sure to use my time wisely, or I’ll go crazy here.

After I dialed the number to a local Thai restaurant and ordered Pad Kra Pao, I opened my laptop. If there was anything that could distract me, it was work. I checked my emails and was glad to receive confirmation of the job in Bern. I immediately contacted the two models I had recruited for the photoshoot. I then sent invoices, maintained contact with two major clients, and confirmed three orders from architects. Eventually, the doorbell rang and the food arrived.

A little later, I sat with a cola in front of my empty plate and gazed out at the rooftops of Zurich. The weather was beautiful. The sun was shining in the steel-blue sky, although autumn was beginning to replace the warm season. It was a typical Saturday, with people strolling along the river, shopping in the city center, or meeting friends in cafes.

My mood was on the verge of taking a nosedive, so I got up, put the dirty dishes in the kitchen, and retreated to the darkroom. I still had two rolls of film that needed to be developed.

Even though it wouldn’t be as easy as I hoped, I would spend the rest of the weekend like a normal person. At least as normal as I could be. No drugs and no sex. Just me and photography—in my apartment.

But I wasn’t immune to my confused thoughts about Noé. As I stood with the tongs in front of the developer tray and watched the image of the arrogant surgeon emerge, I found myself wondering again what Noé was doing. I had to admit, he had much more charisma than this doctor.

Maybe I should have photographed him.

6

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Noé

I didn’t want to ruin the day for myself and would have preferred to stay in the rehearsal room for the whole weekend, but unfortunately, that wasn’t possible. My backpack was full of dirty clothes, and I urgently needed some warmer ones. I had no choice but to go back home. Chris was there with his car and offered me a ride. He didn’t live far from me, in a shared apartment with two others.

“Where exactly do you need to go?” he asked as he turned onto Langstrasse.

Only two or three people knew where I lived, and that was just fine by me. Besides, my stomach was growling so loudly now that even Chris could hear it with the engine running, and he didn’t ask any further questions when I asked him to stop in front of the kebab shop.

“Should I pick you up on Tuesday?” he asked as I was getting out and putting on my backpack.

“I’ll let you know, thanks.”

“See you next week then!”

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