Page 31 of Dark Room Junkie

What am I doing?That was probably one of those moments where I blabbered on without thinking first. Oh well, that was an indirect offer, and he would understand that it was just said casually. I didn’t really want him to move in here.

He narrowed his eyes and peered at me suspiciously for a moment. “And what do you wish for?”

“I don’t know,” I replied with a shrug. Secretly, I wished I could shed my past, tear all those memories out of my head, and not constantly feel like I was naked. “Maybe... I wish for... Trust. Security. Love. Respect.”

“Big words for someone who seems to have everything,” he said, sweeping his arm dramatically, encompassing my entire apartment. But there was no mockery or any condescending tone in his voice, so I forced a smile.

“Don’t you wish for those things?” I asked.

“Well... Respect can be earned. Security too. Trust and love ... I don’t know,” he waved it off, a reserved smile on his face.

“You act as if these things don’t exist,” I said, laughing.

“They do. Probably ... But not in my world.”

For a brief moment, he became serious. But he put on his charming smile again, making it impossible for me to see behind his mask. I couldn’t shake the feeling that he wore it constantly.

But why?

Self-protection?

Is there anyone who truly knows him?

Immediately, I dismissed that thought.

Don’t be ridiculous. You’re not much better when it comes to pretending to be someone you’re not.

Noé shifted lower until his head was on the pillow. He turned onto his side, staring at me with tired eyes—he didn’t need words to let me know he had talked enough.

“Are you recording songs again tomorrow?” I asked, turning to him. He nodded, appearing so vulnerable. I scooted a bit closer and brushed some strands of hair from his face. “I have to get up early tomorrow. But make yourself at home here. Eat if you’re hungry. The fridge is full. Luzia went shopping yesterday.”

“What if I leave? Shouldn’t I lock up?”

“If the door closes, you won’t get back in. So, it would be better not to forget anything important.”

“Thanks for letting me sleep here,” he mumbled into the pillow, tilting his head so his forehead touched my neck.

I swallowed and couldn’t believe he was here. Here, with me, in my bed, so close. He was already asleep when I dragged the blanket over us and moved closer to him again. That’s when he slid his hand onto my back and snuggled up to me.

Security, I thought.Maybe he wishes for security.

10

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Alex

Something felt different when I rang Livio’s doorbell on Friday. I didn’t know if it was good or bad. Good, perhaps in the sense that I was glad to be back here. Bad because after a tiring week, I was drained and exhausted, and after last night with Noé, I couldn’t shake the feeling of betraying him. I could have spent an evening alone at home, relaxing and unwinding, but I was on edge and yearned for what I could get at Livio’s place.

“Alex! Come in! Nice to see you!” Livio’s greeting was as warm as ever, and by now, I had also gotten used to him giving me a kiss on the cheek. The first time I came here for the reportage, he had done the same, which had left me more than bewildered.

“You bleached your hair,” was the first thing that came out of my mouth when I saw his hydrogen-blond mop of hair. His olive-green eyes shone even brighter because of it.

“Yeah, baby!” he said with a wide grin and closed the door behind me.

“Looks good.”

“Glad you like it. I’d be devastated if you didn’t find me sexy anymore because of it.”

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