Page 37 of Dark Room Junkie

“Get up, man!” Steffan said, tugging at my upper arm. “I have to work! This isn’t a hotel. Why aren’t you gone yet?”

Despite his harsh tone, I was somehow grateful because his interruption prevented me from spiraling further into misery.

I wondered if I’d actually been asleep since I hadn’t felt this drained in ages. Of course, the past few days had taken their toll. My vocal cords had held out, but as if they knew the recording was over, they started to ache last night. Steffan had been so generous, making me tea before we got down to business.

I was okay with anything to get out of that rehearsal space. And when Steffan messaged me, I had almost no choice. It was overdue for me to pay him a visit if I wanted to keep this place warm for myself. It was just dumb luck that he was up before me, and I was still naked in his bed.

“Get up now! I have to work!” he snapped at me while pulling the curtains open and buttoning his shirt.

“You work from here, so stop complaining.” My throat scratched, and my voice sounded hoarse.

“I have a Zoom meeting in five minutes! So hurry up and get out of here!”

I struggled to get out of bed and gather my clothes. “Is a shower still allowed?”

Steffan grumbled and started making the bed. He fluffed the pillows as if they were punching bags and tossed the blanket around like an old washerwoman. I didn’t even notice that I had paused and watched him. It wasn’t until he threw his hands in the air and shooed me out of the room that I finally snapped out of my trance.

“Fine, whatever! But hurry up! And then go out the back.” He shoved me into the bathroom and handed me my backpack. I didn’t even have to close the door myself.

Shaking my head, I stepped into the shower and made an effort to hurry. But even as I dried myself off and got dressed, I still shook my head in disbelief.Go out the back. What the hell was that about?Steffan’s fancy apartment indeed had two entrances since he merged two apartments into one and now occupied a whole floor. I would have gladly done him the favor, but my jacket and shoes were in the front closet.

For once, I skipped my morning routine. I hastily pulled my hair back into a bun, splashed water on my face, and brushed my teeth with lightning speed. Even though Steffan had his quirks, I wanted to avoid any argument. With my hair loose, I hurried through the hallway, fastening my pants and belt as I went.

“What the ...” I heard Steffan say.

I immediately tried to defuse the situation. “My jacket is still ...”

But as I looked up, I froze in place. On the bottom screen covering half the browser, I caught sight of the video stream with four or five participants. Steffan slammed the laptop shut, and only the blue light from the projector illuminated the screen.

“Damn it! I told you to go out the back!”

I was getting overstimulated, and I felt dizzy. “My jacket,” I said in a scratchy voice, pointing toward the closet.

“Holy shit! Why are you still here?” Steffan said more to himself as he ushered me toward the closet. “At least your hair was down. They probably think you’re a woman now.”

“If you say so,” I replied, slipping on my shoes and putting on the leather jacket.

“See you later!” Steffan said, stressed out as he shut the door behind me.

At least it was a see you later and not goodbye forever.However, I wasn’t so sure if it was wise to keep this guy in my good graces.

Completely drained and powerless, I descended the stairs. Steffan was like a vampire, sucking every last drop of energy from me each time. Only when I was almost at my limit could he finish. Though I had control and fucked him nearly to unconsciousness each time, ultimately, he decided when it was enough. And last night, he was insatiable. I fucked him in every way imaginable, yet the guy never had enough. He must have consumed something, but nothing had ever been openly lying around. Normally, I wouldn’t care, but especially yesterday, I should have known better. I’d put off visiting him for too long. That had backfired now. After those exhausting days, maybe going to him hadn’t been such a good idea after all.

Now, all I craved was rest, silence, and recuperation. And it was only seven o’clock! Ahead of me lay a long day because it was Friday, and the gig at Hyde was still on the agenda.

I really need to sleep.

When I saw the countless commuters at the tram station, something inside me resisted. It was simply too cold to stroll through the city for forty-five minutes, so I got on the tram. At least it was quiet, and hardly anyone was talking. Unfortunately, this had a much too calming effect, giving the dream that Steffan’s behavior had successfully suppressed room to resurface. But it was still there, simmering inside me, threatening to drag me into the dark depths of my past.

Yet, I was on my way home. I couldn’t help it. It was the dream itself that made me do it. Every damn time. And even though I already knew I would regret it today, I couldn’t keep myself away from this place. Despite everything, it was still my home—even if I hated everything about it. And regardless of all the terrible things I’d experienced there, she was still my mother.

Relief washed over me as I found an empty apartment. I tidied up a bit, stashed the pills lying around into my backpack, ate a handful of cornflakes, and eventually retreated to my room.

It was the sound of a slamming door followed by loud arguing from the neighbors next door that jolted me awake. I pulled the blanket over my head and tried to go back to sleep, but it was no use. A glance at my phone told me I’d slept through almost the entire day. It was already late afternoon. My stomach growled, and I felt a slight dizziness again. I dragged myself out of bed and shuffled into the kitchen. To my surprise, Mom was sitting at the kitchen table, smoking a joint and sifting through the mail.

“Hey, sleepyhead!” she said, even giving me a smile.

“Hi,” I grumbled, rubbing my eyes and opening the fridge. There were two yogurts left. With a spoon, I sat down at the table with her and opened the first one. That’s when I noticed her staring at me. “What?”

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