Page 40 of Dark Room Junkie

My blood rushed through my ears, and his voice was drowned out by a roaring waterfall. Even the music sounded muffled. I simply shook my head and put away the asthma spray. That cursed door in my mind just wouldn’t close anymore. Since last weekend, it had been opening a little more each day.

I struggled to get up and tried not to stagger as I headed toward the restroom. A beer wouldn’t banish my dark memories. But luckily, my cocaine supply hadn’t run out yet. Plus, I urgently needed to rinse out my mouth, which had dried out from the medication. But first, I locked myself in a stall, took the coke out of my pocket with trembling hands, and snorted a line. Fireworks went off in my head, and all the dark memories were banished by the bright light. The rush subsided, and the music seeped back in from outside. I felt normal again. No, better than normal. I was full of energy and practically brimming with confidence as I approached the sink, wiped away the last traces of the white powder, and rinsed out my mouth.

On the way back to the lounge, I stopped next to a pillar and watched the band for a while. Tom had a dark, smoky voice that was perfect for jazz. Patrick, the guitarist, played it cool. Pablo on drums was as unassuming as ever. But it was Noé who ultimately captured my attention. He appeared aloof and entirely absorbed in himself, playing the bass without looking up. It would have been unimaginable for someone unaware of his other abilities to envision him as the frontman of a metal band.

“Look at me!”I silently called out to him, but he was lost in his own world. It wasn’t until the song ended and Tom said something to him that he looked up. I couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but Noé nodded. He then looked at me and smiled, melting my heart.

It was already half past eleven, and Tom announced the last song. I signaled to Noé that I was in the lounge. I stayed there for a while longer until the band had packed up. From a distance, I watched them chat at the bar, collect their pay, and have a drink. As soon as Patrick joined them and headed toward the lounge, I said goodbye to the architects and went to the bar. Only Noé and Tom were left chatting with each other.

“Hey, Alex!” Tom called out as he saw me approaching, prompting Noé to turn to me with a heartwarming smile.

“Hey, you two! Great gig tonight!” Even though the last set had somehow passed me by unnoticed, I enjoyed the first two.

“Thanks!” Tom said, putting his hand on Noé’s shoulder. “Only our bassist seemed a bit distracted tonight.”

Noé winked at me, as if I were the reason, which somehow flattered me and made me smirk. I had been thinking about him all week. Like a shadow, he had followed me to Ticino and even to Bern. That was also the reason why I hadn’t checked in with Livio yet. I wanted to see Noé and have a conversation with him, even if it was just for five minutes.

But now, standing in front of him and feeling the cocaine in my body, I wanted nothing more than to press myself against him and kiss him. The images of us last Thursday, fucking against the wall at my place, flashed before my eyes—definitely better than the other crap that had been haunting me for a week.

“I’ll be off then,” Tom said, bidding us farewell.

Noé leaned against the bar with his back and finished his drink. I placed my almost empty beer on the counter and rested my elbow on the edge. It was impossible not to gaze at him. My cock twitched in my pants, yearning for him. When Noé took a deep breath for a brief moment and let his guard down, almost looking desperate, I paused. He had seemed distant on stage, which I had somehow found attractive, but what I saw now briefly worried me. But then Noé straightened his shoulders again, stood up straight, and turned to me.

“How was your week?” he asked in a low, reserved tone.

Is he hoarse?

Hot!

I nodded. “Good. And yours? Your voice ... did you record the songs?”

“Yes.” Noé chuckled and touched his throat. “Everything went well. My voice held up until yesterday. This morning it was over.”

“I heard sage tea can help.”

“I heard that too. But have you ever tried it? It’s disgusting.”

“No, I’ve never tried it.”

The carefreeness was back. The invisible burden seemed to have fallen off his shoulders. And I felt uplifted. Just having him near me made my body tingle.

“Aren’t you going to that party tonight?”

“Yes. I plan to go. But I wanted to talk to you first.”

“With me? Why?”

Because thoughts of you helped me get through the week—along with Philippe’s coke.Damn! I almost said that out loud. I had been high since Wednesday, lacking sleep, and was so wound up. “Just felt like it,” I finally answered. “I wanted to.”

Noé glanced toward the lounge, where the architects sat, and Patrick had now taken my seat. Noé pressed his lips together thoughtfully, tucked a few strands of hair behind his ear, and turned back to me. “Will you take me to that party?” he asked out of the blue.

Oh damn.I hadn’t been prepared for this. “I … um …”Shit!“This is not …”—a regular party?

“I don’t care what kind of party it is, but … I can’t go home tonight. Not tonight. And I don’t want to go to this guy”—he held up his phone—“either.”

I couldn’t bring myself to reject him. And as much as he deserved the truth, it wouldn’t come out of my mouth. I had no words for what went down at Livio’s every weekend. And while my conscience tried to drill some sense into me that taking Noé along would be the dumbest move, excitement welled up in me, making my cock twitch. I wanted him to come along. I wanted to get high at Livio’s and fuck Noé all night. God, the way he had asked me for it turned me on. That slightly submissive demeanor was driving me crazy, or maybe it was the coke. For a moment, I wondered if this was Noé’s game again. And then he put on that charming smile, the one that could get him anything he wanted.Damn!

“Okay,” I said flatly.

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