Page 42 of Dark Room Junkie

Even for me, it was overwhelming at first glance. Livio had definitely not made empty promises. The Open House was packed. Packed with naked men. And I knew Livio had two playrooms where you could retreat. There was a lively threesome happening on the sofa, two guys making out on a chair, and three kneeling around the low living room table, snorting lines. Philippe was among them, blissfully puffing on a joint.

“Hey, Alex!” he called out, raising a vodka bottle to me. “Good to see you.”

Before Noé even turned to me, all the blood rushed to my legs and I felt dizzy. This was too much even for me, and yet the coke inside me was still sparking. Despite that, my dick had a mind of its own, eagerly pressing against my pants. When I saw Noé’s gaze, I knew I had made a huge mistake.

Shock and disbelief were evident on his stone-still face. He stared at me with his mouth open. When my presence apparently became too much for him, he jerked his head away. But what he saw here seemed to overwhelm him almost.

“I need to get out of here,” he said loud enough for me to hear.

He staggered past me back to the door, where he slung the backpack over his shoulder and grabbed the bass. My body reacted automatically, chasing after him as I grabbed his arm and blocked the door.

“Wait! Even I’m surprised by what’s going on here.”

He pulled away from me, not with anger, but with disgust. “A damn chemsex party?” His hoarse voice rumbled with anger. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I’m sorry! I forgot that today…”

“Get away from me and back to your fuck buddies, but spare me your shitty excuses!”

“I thought ... maybe you’d like it. You ... asked me back then...”

“How could you think that? I don’t even drink alcohol! And now let me through!” he yelled, punching the wall next to my head.

I flinched, and he shoved me aside, yanking the door open and storming out.

I stood there paralyzed, swallowing hard.

I screwed up. Big time.

13

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Noé

The self-hatred and anger tore me apart, causing me to repeatedly slam my fist against the wall until the pain subsided and a numbing sensation spread through my arm. Frustrated, I pressed my forehead against the rough surface, clenched my teeth, and tried to breathe. When my pulse gradually calmed down, I leaned back against the wall and looked up at the sky. I was in some dark alley, not far from the bus station. Like a madman, I had dashed out just to get away from there, and now I felt like the biggest idiot.

There was no other way. Otherwise, I would have stayed and done something even more foolish.

With trembling hands, I pulled out my phone and saw blood trickling over my hand. I had nothing to wrap it with, so I ignored it and dialed the only number that was possible now.

“Where are you?” Tom asked on the other line.

The fact that he knew me so well made me uncomfortable. I winced and exhaled. I couldn’t get a word out.

“Come over.”

“Mhmm,” I mumbled and hung up.

I managed to catch the last regular bus and stood outside Tom’s door fifteen minutes later. He was already in his sweatpants and shirt and let me in without saying a word. At the end of the corridor, I could just see Mia, Tom’s girlfriend, closing the door to the bedroom. Tom took the bass from me and led me into the kitchen, which had a small table and two chairs.

“Sit down,” he said calmly as he filled a glass with water and placed it in front of me.

“Nothing stronger?” I asked, still slightly dazed.

I sat down like a beaten dog and ran my unharmed hand through my hair.

“Not funny,” Tom replied, glaring at me.

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