Page 56 of Dark Room Junkie

How does he know I’m about to?“You photographed me ... while I was asleep.”

“Yes, I’m sorry, but when I saw you like that, I just had to photograph you.”

He took my arm and wanted to lead me to the photo wall filled with many people, but I recoiled and pointed at the photos on the line. “There are at least twenty photos of me!” I snapped at him. “What kind of psycho are you?”

“No, no, no,” Alex said, trying to placate me. “I can explain. Please. Just listen to me first. Then you can do whatever ... punch me or ... whatever you feel like.”

I stared at him, dumbfounded. Undeterred, he reached out again and extended an inviting gesture to follow him to the table. There were even more photos, mostly close-ups and portraits.

“The book I’m planning is titledDemigods. I photograph people I find interesting. I talk to them and write something about them. Who they are, what they do, and what occupies their minds. This one is a famous surgeon. This one is a chef, works in a snack bar. And she works on Langstrasse in a brothel.”

Yeah, I know her.

“And what am I doing here?”

“I want you to be a part of it. I want you on the cover.”

“What? No! I’m a nobody.”

Alex laughed. “No, you’re anything but a nobody. You inspire me! Thanks to you, I can finally finish this book. Please! Let me photograph you.”

“You’ve already done that!”

“Not like this. Properly! With consent. Please! It would mean so much to me.”

“It’s out of the question! Forget it! You took these pictures while I was sleeping! What are you? Some kind of pervert! You had no right to do that!”

“You were so beautiful. You’re different! Different from the models I’ve photographed.”

“Models? You have a false image of me. I’m not a model! Damn it! Alex! Look at these people! And then me!”

“You’re wonder—”

I immediately held up my finger. “I don’t want to hear that!”

“All the scars you hide under your tattoos ... They’re just ...”

I wanted to leave, but he blocked my way out. I turned away, but all I saw were the photos of me. He had even photographed my battered right hand in the foreground, with my sleeping face behind. Another photo showed one of the long scars on my forearm from Mom, when she went at me like a fury with the knife. Breathing became increasingly difficult. Alex had managed to lift the veil of tattoos and show what lay beneath. What should have remained hidden.

“No one looks as closely as you do! Damn it!” My voice trembled, and I was on the verge of being swept away by all the painful memories. That couldn’t happen, so I whirled around, shoved him aside, and stormed out.

“Wait! Where are you going?”

“Away! Damn it!” I yelled angrily. Grabbing my phone and backpack, I headed for the door, but once again, he stood in my way.

“Don’t you want something to eat? Or a coffee? We can talk about it.”

My mind was screaming. I just wanted to get away. And yet I stopped in front of Alex and struggled for words. The whole situation left me stunned. Now, without the many unfamiliar faces in the photos, watching us from all sides, I saw Alex for the first time. His unshaven face glistened with a film of sweat, his unkempt hair hung in damp strands over his face, and dark circles were under his eyes.

“Please, Noé! I didn’t mean to scare you! You just inspired me. I couldn’t sleep, and ... then I saw you. For the first time, really! I couldn’t believe it, and it hurt so much when I saw your scars. But they were also so beautiful, and I wanted to capture and preserve the moment.”

He just wouldn’t stop talking, and with every word, he fueled the storm within me. “Stop!” I yelled to interrupt his flow of words.

Alex gasped for air, ran his shaky hand through his hair, and glimpsed around as if he didn’t know where he was. And then I saw it. I hadn’t seen it before, although I usually had an eye for such things. But it was just too obvious and far-fetched that with Alex, it never occurred to me that this could have been the reason for it.

“Are you on drugs?” I asked, astonished.

“What? No.” Alex acted as if my question was absolutely ridiculous. And then he sniffed.

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