Page 58 of Dark Room Junkie

What did I expect from it anyway? We only fuck!

Everything spun around me, and I was sure it wasn’t because of the sleepless night or the drugs.

Damn it! I told Noé that I love him! Several times!

How stupid was that?

And now he’s gone.

Maybe forever?

I hope not.

“I’m sorry if I interrupted something,” my mother said, clutching the handle of the paper bag with both hands. “Should I go?”

I sighed and rubbed my face. “No, come in. You couldn’t have known.”

She kissed me on the cheek and went into the living room.

“Do you want some coffee?”

“Sure,” she said, sitting down on the couch.

I went into the kitchen, turned on the coffee machine, and took the milk out of the fridge. The rattling noise was awful in my ears, but it also drowned out all the jumbled thoughts piling up in my head like shit.

“He’s handsome,” Corinne said as I sat down with two cups. She held the photo from the camera obscura in her hand and smiled. “But you could use a shave again. Is he your boyfriend?”

The photo stabbed me in the heart, yet I couldn’t look away.

Why did he leave it here? Did he forget it? Or didn’t he want it?

“Is everything okay?” she asked, putting the photo back on the table.

I shook my head. The effects of the cocaine were wearing off gradually, and the downward spiral began.

“You seem to like him, but the way he stormed out ...” Corinne started.

“I messed up. Big time.”

“Oh, Alex,” she said with sympathy and left it at that.

I drank my black coffee, hoping to delay the crash a bit, as I had no choice but to ride it out. All my supplies were used up; although I didn’t like calling them supplies. It was just what was left of Philippe’s stash, which had gotten me through such a super inspiring and productive night.

“Are you okay?” Corinne asked, looking at me with a scrutinizing gaze.

“Of course,” I replied, perhaps a bit too eagerly.

“You seem a bit off. Should I be worried?”

“No.”

But my mother already heard the alarm bells ringing. “When was the last time you saw Dr. Gerber?”

I rolled my eyes. “Stop it! I’m just tired. I don’t need an appointment with the shrink for that.”

“You look like you haven’t slept for days! It started like this back then too.”

“That’s seven years ago,” I tried to remind her as calmly as possible.

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