Page 73 of Dark Room Junkie

I brushed my hand against my lips and took a moment to compose myself. “Sorry,” I mumbled. “I haven’t been feeling well all week.”

“Lucky it’s Friday,” he joked.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “Thank goodness.” I had completely lost my train of thought.

“I think we’re done here.”

Finally! Pack everything up and get out of here!

As I gathered the plans, Patrick noticed my hands.

“Dude, you’re shaking. Are you getting sick?”

I clenched my fist and took a deep breath, then put the papers in my bag. “I hope not. Did you ... write down the details?” I asked, standing up.

“Yeah.” Clearly concerned, he walked me to the door. “And I’ll send you everything by email too.”

“Thanks.”

“Is everything really okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” I lied, holding my breath as I started to feel short of breath. “Just had a tough week.”

“See you tonight at Hyde?”

The Lighteners’ gig. It felt like all the blood rushed to my legs at once. How much I would have liked to see Noé, but he had been ignoring all my calls and messages, so I prohibited myself from bothering him further. “I think it’s better if I go to bed early. Some other time.”

“Yeah, do that. You look pretty beat up. Plus, it’s not our last gig of the year yet.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, they always have a special program at the club in December and January. Our last gig is on December 9th. After that, it’s winter break, and we won’t be back until January 27th. And then in a new lineup soon after that. Noé has joined Nightrain.”

“Yeah, I heard,” I muttered. “I photographed last Saturday.”

“Oh! How was it? I couldn’t make it to the concert.”

“It was really good.” I felt almost sick as if I had just lied. But the gig had been top-notch. It was just what happened afterward that had been giving me stomach pains since then.

“I heard our bassist is a natural talent.”

I nodded, though I doubted that Noé’s skill was purely talent. Nobody could just sing like him. There was a lot of work behind it. “You shouldn’t miss Nightrain next time,” I said shortly, making moves to leave. I just wanted to go home and cursed myself for not bringing the car. Now I had to take the bus across the whole city.

“I’ll do that. Heard they’re playing at the Rock Night at Exil.”

I forced a smile and nodded. “Yeah, I really have to go now. Otherwise, I probably won’t make it home.”

“Sure! Get some rest! See you.”

“Thanks. Have a good weekend.”

“You too!”

As I stood outside, rain splashed on my face, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I often felt overwhelmed after such meetings. And then there was this extreme exchange of pleasantries! It always left me drained. All I wanted to do was to take photographs.

With heavy limbs, I made my way to Manesse Station. From there, I had a direct bus home. I felt empty and burnt out. And if Patrick noticed it, my state was no secret to the outside world.

Even a week after Nightrain’s concert, it still felt like something inside me had broken. And yet, it was so obvious that there was more between Noé and me. We could both feel it; I had seen it in his eyes after he kissed Michelle. But for some reason, he couldn’t accept the attraction between us.

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