Page 96 of Dark Room Junkie

At least I got rid of the benzos quickly and made it back to my cave, along with some saltine crackers and a new bottle of Jack Daniel’s. With all my might, I tried to push the thoughts of the concert away, but I just couldn’t. So, in the early hours of Saturday morning, completely wasted, I popped a downer. It wasn’t real sleep that came over me, more like a horror trip to which I was completely vulnerable.

In the late afternoon, Juri dragged me to a bar.

“You need to be around people again,” he said, brushing it off as a favor that he brought me to a dive bar that was still empty.

I clung to the counter, trying not to fall off the stool, while Juri ordered two beers. As soon as the bartender left, Juri leaned in and handed me a baggie. “You’re gonna curse me for what I’m doing here, but I think you’ll be grateful for it later tonight.”

I didn’t understand what he was talking about at all, but I was sure he had just handed me a Mini Grip of coke. But I lost the thought immediately. My head was still completely foggy and dehydrated. The beer was a godsend from that standpoint. “What do you even want with me? Any company is better than mine.”

“Bro, you’re grieving. That’s okay, but life goes on.”

“I’m gonna puke soon. What’s the deal? This is so unlike you. And why aren’t you working?”

“Took some time off.”

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously.He’s up to something.Juri was his own boss. He put on a charming smile, toasted me with his glass, and drank his beer.

As I reached for my beer, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I had to turn slowly to avoid losing my balance, but when I saw Tom sitting next to me, it felt like a blow to the head.

“Fuck.”

“Hey,” he said and was great at pretending I didn’t look like a messed-up zombie.

I downed the beer in one gulp and ordered a glass of Jameson. I clutched it with both hands, fearing Tom would snatch it away from me.

“You have a concert tonight.”

I was surprised how gentle his voice sounded; not accusing or disdainful at all. It was a simple remark.

I took a sip, put the glass down, and buried my face in my hands. “No chance. I can’t do it.” My voice was already weak. How was I supposed to sing like this?

“I promised the guys I’d bring you there. Come what may. You’re going on stage tonight and playing this concert. That’s ultimately what you’ve worked so hard for. You belong on stage, Noé. Pull yourself together. This is your chance. Don’t miss it.”

“Look at me! I’m in no shape at all. No one wants to see someone like me.”

Tom laughed. “Believe me, people do want to see you. The tickets are sold out, and you guys are the headliners. The release concert was a success in that sense.”

That was really a great evening. I felt like a demigod.

Gradually, I felt the thick wall of my exhaustion cracking. I turned my head to Juri, who sat silently in front of his beer. “You brought me here to hand me over to him,” I accused.

“And you didn’t tell me you’re the lead singer of the hottest band in town.”

“What?”Am I?

“I wouldn’t miss that. For anything,” Juri added.

I slowly shook my head and took a sip.

Maybe the spotlight will help me get out of my rut.

“You have an hour and a half left until you have to go on stage,” Tom said. “If you want to shower, go ahead. Then we’ll go to your place.”

“I don’t have a home,” I muttered into my glass, drinking it all down, and waved to the bartender. I wasn’t ready yet, but the idea sounded more and more appealing.

When the guy retreated with a bottle to refill my glass, Tom intervened. “No, he’s had enough. He still needs to go on stage tonight.” The bartender just shrugged and walked away.

“Can’t I decide for myself how I want to spend my time before the audience tears me apart?”

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