Page 71 of Dark Room Junkie

I began to feel uneasy, but I couldn’t look away from him. “I don’t know what you mean,” I managed to say.

Alex smiled with a tinge of sadness and understanding. “I meant it when I said I fell in love with you. And that hasn’t changed.”

“Shit, Alex! What do you expect from me now? I don’t know about these things! I don’t know how this works!”

“But you’re not denying it. You feel it too, that there’s something between us.”

I glanced around, double-checking we were alone. My heart was racing by now. The situation was becoming more and more overwhelming. “Fuck! What do you want from me?”

Alex looked at me with a scrutinizing gaze. “I don’t want anything from you. You don’t have to give me anything. All I have are hopes and wishes.”

I furrowed my brow, bewildered. “What kind of game is this?” Helplessly, I threw my hands up in the air. I felt so cornered that I didn’t know how else to help myself and changed the subject. “Are you high or something? I mean ... What’s this? First, you drag me to a damned chemsex party, then you wait to apologize to me, and then the thing with the photos in the darkroom. And now you come and claim you don’t want anything from me!” I shook my head in confusion and shrugged. “Forget it, you can tell me whatever you want. It doesn’t matter.”

It did matter, but he didn’t need to know that. And as far as I was concerned, I couldn’t even classify this feeling. It was just confusing and annoying. The sooner I got rid of Alex, the sooner I would have peace again. Because seeing him right in front of me felt like a drug. I desperately wanted it. Wanted to touch him, his cheeks, his neck. Wanted to press my lips against his and take his breath away. The desire for him grew stronger and I clenched both hands into fists to keep myself in check.

“It’s not nothing to you,” Alex said calmly and knowingly.

He didn’t even try to hide the pain. His dark eyes glistened as he stubbornly stared at me.

I want to kiss him!screamed a voice inside me.

Are you an idiot?shouted another.

“Hey! Sorry it took so long,” Michelle suddenly said as she sat next to me.

She was my salvation and distraction for the evening. Without hesitation, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, drawing her close and kissing her passionately. And as I did, I imagined it was him. Her lips tasted like flowers, and her skin was so soft. When I let go of her, she brushed a few strands of hair from her face and smiled shyly.

Alex looked at me with a petrified expression. He knew it was his kiss that I had just stolen from Michelle.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you. It looked like you were in an important conversation. I can wait over there if you’d like.”

“No,” I said, holding her firmly so she wouldn’t slip away. At the same time, I didn’t take my eyes off Alex for a second. “We were just finishing up anyway.”

“Oh, that’s nice. Well then, let’s go,” she replied.

It wasn’t easy to tear my gaze away from Alex. It was as if I hoped he would say something again, or ask me not to leave with Michelle, but he didn’t. I could see it in his face. It almost broke his heart. And out of pure politeness, he even managed to muster a smile for Michelle as she said goodbye to him.

Say something!I wanted to scream, but no words came out. I let Michelle pull me along, convincing myself that it was the best thing for all of us, and forbidding myself from turning back to look at Alex.

“He seems nice,” Michelle said, apparently oblivious to the tension between us.

“Yeah,” I simply replied, putting on the fakest smile I had ever mustered.

Less than ten minutes later, we arrived at her house. Her roommate was gone, so Michelle didn’t hesitate to take off my jacket and undo my belt in the hallway.

I pushed all my thoughts of Alex aside and began undressing Michelle, focusing on the floral scent of her perfume and silky skin, and steered her into her room with stormy kisses. Soon we fell naked on her bed and passionately devoured each other.

This was something I could fake. True desire was more difficult. But despite all my doubts, I got hard and put a rubber on myself. Michelle welcomed me with open arms. She was pining for me and couldn’t wait. When she took my head between her hands and kissed me, I couldn’t bear to see her face anymore. I withdrew from her again, spun her around, and put her on all fours.

“Wow! Something new!” she said happily.

I immersed myself in her. However, with each thrust, I moved further away from her and her body.

“Harder!” she moaned and threw her head back.

But no matter how hard I thrust into her, it gave me nothing. My body felt like a robot and Alex appeared in my mind’s eye. I imagined him kneeling behind me, running his hands over my stomach, playing with the piercings, and pressing his hard cock against my bottom. A wave of heat rushed through me as he pushed himself into me and wrapped his arms around me. Then I felt him move inside me, eliciting a moan from me.

Michelle let out a sudden cry. “Oh yes, yes! Oh God!”

---