Page 100 of Five Things I Love About You

I look up at him and see the smile in his eyes, and I burst out laughing. My face is flushed and I pick up my coffee to hide it. When I put it back down again, he’s watching me intently. I flick my eyes away, then look back.

‘Yes,’ I say, finally. ‘That would have been much easier.’

‘So.’

‘So.’

The hum of voices washes over me and I feel like I’m floating above my own body. It’s time to tell him why I’m here. I take a deep breath.

‘I missed you. After… everything…’ It’s unsubstantial but he seems to understand.

‘I missed you too. I…’ He stops, puffs out his cheeks. ‘I really liked you. I do really like you. And I thought you felt the same way, but then you found your man and… well. I assumed I’d lost my chance.’

I look down at the table and shake my head.

‘I thought Jay was the one.’ I look up at him. ‘At least, I thought he was the one I’d been searching for. I’d been looking for so long, and then there he was, this man who matched everything from my dream?—’

He frowns. ‘Your dream?’

Shit.

‘I mean my memory. The man of my dreams from my memory, from that night.’ I swallow.Stop gabbling, Miranda. ‘He was from Newcastle, he had dark hair and a dog, and he was called Jay. Oh, and he liked skydiving. They were the only things I remembered about him.’

He still looks confused. ‘But didn’t you recognise him when you saw him? Or later, when you got to know him better?’

Oh God. This is what happens when you tell lies.I swallow.

‘Listen, I need to tell you something,’ I say, leaning forward so I can’t be overheard by anyone. This is make or break, and if he thinks I’m completely insane and leaves once I’ve told him then so be it. But I can’t lie about this any more.

‘Okay…’ he says.

My heart thumps as I work out how to say it, how to tell him that I’d never actually met Jay at all – at least, not while I was conscious. ‘I know this is going to sound mad, but I need to be honest with you.’ I stop, swallow.

‘You’re scaring me a bit now,’ he says, a half-smile on his face.

‘I…’ I take a deep breath. ‘The thing is, I never actually met Jay.’

The frown on Matt’s forehead deepens. ‘But… but you said that’s who you were looking for. The man you met in the club in London a few months before. Was it…’ He rubs his head. ‘Was it just a lie to fob me off?’

‘What?! God, no, not that at all!’ I’m so shocked he thinks this that my voice has got louder and a couple of people have turned to look at us. I lower it again. ‘No, Matt, it wasn’t that at all. I…’ I stop again, and look him right in the eye. ‘Listen, this is the truth. One day about eighteen months ago I was cycling to work and I almost ran this guy off the road. I came off my bike, and as I was lying on the road he came to make sure I was all right. He spoke to me and I saw him briefly but I… well, I never actually saw his face or spoke to him. I just heard his Geordie accent, saw his dark hair and a pink tie, then I heard him give his name.’

I risk a glance at Matt and I’m not surprised he’s looking at me with confusion. I plough on.

‘Anyway, he left, and then…’ I swallow, and look up at him. ‘I dreamed about him.’

He stares at me without speaking for so long I begin to wonder whether he’s heard me at all. But then he slowly shakes his head. ‘Sorry, what do you mean, you dreamed about him?’

‘Just that. After the accident, something must have happened to me because I started dreaming about a man with dark hair and a Geordie accent – the man from the bike accident – and we fell in love. I know it sounds insane, but these dreams went on for months, and in them it felt like he was the man I was meant to be with, who I couldn’t breathe without. Except when I woke up I couldn’t remember anything else about him. All I knew was that I wished he was real.’

I’m babbling but Matt’s still staring at me so I keep going, hoping to make him understand.

‘As time passed it began to feel like more than just a dream. Then I started to dream a few more things about him, like the fact he had a dog called Colin and he liked skydiving and football and?—’

‘Woah, woah, woah.’ I stop abruptly as Matt speaks for the first time in ages. I’m out of breath, caught up in the telling of my story. ‘Sorry, but why didn’t you tell me any of this in the first place? Why did you tell me that this person you were looking for was someone you’d met before?’

I shrug, my face flaming. ‘How could I have told you the truth? You’d have run a mile, and I wouldn’t have blamed you. If this hadn’t happened to me, I wouldn’t have believed it either. But everything at home had gone wrong, then Sophie did a tarot reading which suggested that all I needed to do was go and look for my perfect man, and I’d find him.’ I stop, take a breath. ‘It felt like a sign.’

Matt nods, although I can’t tell whether it’s because he thinks I’m making sense or not.

---