Page 16 of Five Things I Love About You

‘Yes I’m fine. I just need a bit of air.’

Before either of them can say anything else I step past Kirstie and out through the patio doors onto the decking where I stop and take a few deeps breaths.

I stroll towards the end of the garden. It’s cool out here now and dusk has crept in, throwing the garden into semi-darkness, but I can still make out the old swing set at the end and that’s where I head. When I get there I sit on the swing and let my feet brush the grass. It used to be completely bald underfoot here from years of the kids playing, but the grass has had a chance to grow back now. I smile at the memory of our children all playing out here when they were young – my Zara and Joe, Kirstie’s George and Lily, and Sophie’s children Liv, Netanya and Jacob. They’re all grown up now, leading their own lives, making their way in the world, and my heart cracks at the memory of those little people, playing innocently under the stars.

I can’t avoid thinking about what Sophie said forever. Usually I’m totally sceptical about these things, so I’m not sure what has thrown me so much. But I just can’t seem to shake the feeling that there might be something in it. Something connected to my dreams that I shouldn’t just be ignoring. Some sort of sign.

The question is, what?

‘You okay?’ Sophie’s voice cuts through the gloom and I look up to see her hovering like a garden nymph a few feet away. I smile.

‘Hey,’ I say, and she steps closer.

‘I was worried about you.’ I stop swinging, anchoring my feet to the ground and gripping the rope tight. ‘Did I say something wrong?’

I shake my head. ‘No, of course you didn’t.’ An owl hoots and I try to work out what else to say. Sophie presses her hand against my arm.

‘Want to talk about it?’

I didn’t think I did but something about the almost-darkness and Sophie’s gentle, soothing voice, makes me want to open up to her properly.

‘I keep thinking about what you said,’ I say.

‘Which bit?’

I look up at the stars, trying to find the words. ‘When you said I might be about to meet the love of my life?’ I say it like a question, but Sophie waits. ‘Did you…’I swallow, unsure.

‘What is it, M? What are you trying to ask me?’ Her voice is gentle, and I feel suddenly brave.

‘You said something about the universe being perfectly aligned for it, if I was in a position to make it happen.’

She nods. ‘I did.’

I look down at my feet now. The silence grows in the dark garden and I take a deep breath.

‘I’m wondering if I should go and look for him.’

A brief pause and I wonder if she isn’t sure who I’m talking about. Then: ‘Find Jay you mean?’

‘Yes. You said my soulmate wasn’t just going to fall into my lap, and you’re right. Plus, I’ve been having these dreams about this man for the last nine months and I… I don’t know.’ I trail off.

‘You feel like this might be a good time to see if you can find him?’

Do I? Maybe. ‘I feel like I’ve got nothing to lose by giving it a go.’

‘Then maybe that’s exactly what you should do.’

I look up, try to see her face, but it’s still in the shadows.

‘You don’t think it would be ridiculous?’

‘Do you?’

‘A bit,’ I concede. ‘I also think I might regret it if I don’t at least try.’

She doesn’t speak for a minute and I wonder whether I’ve said the wrong thing.

‘You know Kirstie will think you’ve gone mad, don’t you?’

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