Page 49 of Five Things I Love About You

‘She does, doesn’t she?’ Matt says, giving Gladys’s lead a tug.

‘Have fun!’ the woman calls out, then we disappear behind the door.

‘God, this place hasn’t changed at all,’ Matt says. ‘I learnt all about St Mary’s lighthouse when I was a kid and I swear these are the same pictures.’ He’s looking at them with wide eyes and I can see the little boy he once was.

‘Did you come here with your dad too?’

‘Loads of times. He loved the view from the top.’ He doesn’t elaborate.

We turn and head towards the stairs. It’s in need of a good coat of paint here, but the railing spiralling up towards the roof and the concrete steps look sturdy enough.

‘Come on, girl,’ Matt says, scooping Gladys into his arms. ‘Ready?’

‘Ready.’

We climb up, and up, and up. About halfway I feel breathless and stop to look down. I’m out of shape since I moved to Newcastle without Kirstie to go running with. The last steps up to the very top are steep, and we both duck to avoid smacking our heads. But then we’re out – and Matt’s right. The view from here is amazing. On one side is the beach, stretching out for miles along the coast. It’s still lashing down and there are a few hardy dog walkers scurrying across the sand, heads down, but otherwise it’s deserted.

‘If you look down there,’ Matt says, from the other side, ‘you might be able to see some seals – although if they’ve got any sense they won’t be sitting out in this weather.’

I cross to stand beside him, and squint down towards the rocks. It’s hard to make anything out through the rain and without my glasses.

‘Dad and I used to come here with our binoculars and spend ages trying to spot as many as we could.’

‘What sort are they?’

‘Grey seals. They’re quite rare. It’s mostly the babies who sit here, then when the tide comes back in again they float off somewhere else.’ He pauses. ‘Maybe we’ll see them better when we go back down again.’

We stand looking out at the sea for a while longer, Gladys sniffing round our feet. I’ve started to dry off now but my trousers are still stuck to my legs and I feel a bit chilly. Heavy clouds still hang in the sky, but there’s a slice of blue along the coast, bringing with it the hope of sunshine.

I’m conscious of Matt standing right beside me, the tops of our arms touching, and I’m overcome with an urge to move closer to him, to warm myself up. I glance at him and he must do the same because now we’re looking at each other, and there’s no one else here. I can feel his heartbeat pulsing through his arm against me. Neither of us moves for a moment, as though not sure which way this is going to go, and my heart is hammering in my chest and?—

A clattering on the steps below us breaks the moment and we spring apart. Seconds later a head appears in the gap where the stairs are and a man in his late sixties climbs into the space, followed by a woman the same age, who I assume is his wife.

‘Oh, hello,’ they say in unison.

‘I’m absolutely puffed out,’ the woman says, and Matt nods and says, ‘I’m not surprised, those steps are very steep, we weren’t much better, were we, Miranda?’ I shake my head and smile back at them.

‘Oh, but you two are much younger and fitter than us,’ the man says.

‘Gosh, Jeremy, look at this view,’ the woman says, and Jeremy throws us an apologetic look and hurries over to where his wife is pointing at something in the distance.

‘Maybe we should go back down,’ Matt says.

‘Yes, good idea,’ I say, keen to try and forget whatever that moment was that we just had.

By the time we’ve got to the bottom of the steps and re-emerged into the gift shop, the rain has stopped and the sun is already drying the ground. Matt wasn’t wrong about the weather changing quickly. We set off back along the walkway in the direction of the town, hopping over puddles and dodging children, just pausing to say goodbye to Matt’s father.

We chat all the way along the beach back to the Metro station, and all the way home to West Jesmond, but the conversation feels a little more self-conscious somehow, and neither of us mention Jay or my hunt for him again, nor do we talk about the moment at the top of the lighthouse.

Was there even a moment, or am I imagining it? I can’t be sure any more.

By the time we arrive back in Jesmond, things seem normal between us again, and I’m relieved. I don’t need any more complications in my life. Besides, I do still need to remain focused on the point of coming here in the first place, otherwise I’ve turned my life upside down for no good reason.

We’re about to say goodbye at the end of my road when I remember something. I rummage in my bag as Matt and Gladys watch me in confusion. Finally, I find what I’m looking for and pull it out triumphantly – the copy ofA Clockwork OrangeI’d bought Matt on a whim the week before.

‘Is this for me?’ Matt says, incredulous, running his finger over the beautiful embossed cover.

‘Yes,’ I say, suddenly shy.

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