Page 57 of Five Things I Love About You

‘Sorry, wrong room,’ I say, backing out.

I do the same in the next two rooms. I’m starting to feel guilty, like I’m spying on sick people, and I hope none of the nurses or doctors have clocked what I’m doing. I can only hope they’re too busy to notice someone lurking around looking suspicious.

The next door is the last one on this side of the ward. If he’s not in here I’ll have to go back past the nurse’s station again to cross to the opposite side, a prospect I’m not relishing. I smooth my hair down, take a deep breath, and step inside.

Oh my God.

It’s him.

My belly feels like it’s dropped to my feet and my head is stuffed with cotton wool as I stand frozen inside the doorway.

‘You okay pet?’ A reedy voice from beside me brings me back to myself and I turn to find an enormously overweight man watching me from his bed by the door.

‘Oh, yes, sorry. I just…’ I point vaguely over to the window, and he glances over.

‘Aye, it’s always hard seeing loved ones in places like this, isn’t it?’ He looks back at me with concern. ‘He’s been asleep for hours, lucky sod. Wish I could sleep in this place.’

‘Yes,’ I say, weakly.

‘Still, he’ll be glad to have his better half visiting him, I’m sure.’

‘Oh I’m not—’ I start, but then clamp my mouth shut and turn back to the window. No need to explain. I approach the bedside and look down. The man’s eyes are closed, and his head is still half-wrapped in a bandage. His chin is badly bruised and swollen as though it took the brunt of the impact, and I notice his neck is in a brace too. His arm is still in a sling but it’s hanging loosely on his chest, and his mouth is slightly open. I watch him for a moment, contemplating what I’ll say if he opens his eyes and notices me.

I glance round, wondering whether there’s anyone I can speak to. If someone can just reassure me that he’s going to be okay, then I can go and no one will ever know I was here. But would they just tell any random stranger off the street? Surely there must be some sort of privacy rules in place.

There’s a chair beside his bed so I perch on it, my rucksack clutched to my chest. I’m suddenly aware that I mustn’t smell too fresh – I haven’t showered since yesterday and my mouth feels furry and slightly bitter. Not much I can do about it now though.

I sit for a while, trying to decide what to do. Apart from the cuts and bruises, helooksokay. At least, he doesn’t look as though he’s about to kark it at any moment.

What will I say if someone comes to visit him and asks who I am? I should probably just go and assume everything is fine.

I stand. Yes, I should definitely just leave this poor man to get on with his life. There’s no reason for me to be here at all, I’m being ridiculous, I?—

‘Who are you?’

I stop and turn slowly back to face the bed. The man is watching me through half-closed eyes and I attempt a smile.

‘Hi,’ I say.

He doesn’t reply but peers down at his body as though noticing it for the first time. He winces as he tries to sit up, and flops back down to the pillow again.

‘Do I know you?’

‘I—’ I croak. ‘Not really, no.’

‘Right.’ He looks round at the other beds then back at me. ‘So, why are you here?’

I shuffle from one foot to the other. I have no idea how to explain my presence at his bedside. I can hardly tell him I’m the reason he’s in here. Why didn’t I think this through properly?

‘Are you some sort of weirdo who likes to watch people sleeping?’

‘What? No!’

He attempts a half-smile and winces again. ‘Christ, everything hurts.’ He tries to sit up once more, holding his bandaged arm. Finally, he seems more comfortable and turns his gaze back to me.

‘So, seriously, are you going to tell me who you are?’

He’s not being unkind, but I feel my face burn and look down at my feet as though they’re the most interesting thing in the world. ‘I…’ I start, then look up to find him watching me, that half-smile still on his face. I clear my throat. ‘Sorry, you’re going to think this is really weird, but I was there, when… you know.’ I wave my hand vaguely up and down his body.

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