Page 60 of Five Things I Love About You

‘I know, but I honestly don’t know what else to do. My neighbour’s the only other person with a key to my house and she must have left for work already, and I wasn’t joking when I said my kids weren’t speaking to me.’

‘I—’ I start.

‘Please?’ he says. ‘I know it’s a big ask but you seem quite normal and I’m sure you’re not a burglar. I’ll even pay for a taxi if you need one. You’d be saving my life.’

‘Okay. Although a taxi isn’t necessary.’ I decide it’s prudent not to mention my bike in case he realises who I actually am.

‘Thank you. Thank you so much.’ Jay looks round again, searching for something. ‘Have you seen my rucksack? Or my keys?’

There’s nothing obvious so I open the door underneath the bedside table. A small rucksack has been shoved in there. I pull it out and hand it to him, but it’s hard for him to open with one hand so I hold it while he unzips it. It feels strangely intimate to be standing so close to a man I barely know while he’s in a hospital bed and I’m conscious of trying not to let our skin touch at all.

‘At least I didn’t lose all my stuff in the crash,’ he says finally, picking a bunch of keys out of the bag and handing them to me. There’s a flash of something pink from inside the bag and it tugs at my memory, but then it’s gone again just as quickly.

The car keys are on a fob with pictures of a girl and a boy that I assume are his children, along with a couple of silver house keys. ‘This one here is for the front door, and this is the back. Now if you go in the front, just be careful you don’t let Alan out because he does like to try and be an escape artist. And he’ll probably bark but he’s soft as shite so don’t let that bother you.’ He continues to give me instructions on where to find his food, letting him out in the back garden for a wee, and anything else I might need to know, and I try to focus, but it’s hard to concentrate when there’s so much else going on in my mind.

‘Thank you so much for doing this for me, I can’t bear to think of Alan being scared or thinking he’s been abandoned.’

‘It’s fine, I really don’t mind,’ I say. ‘Do you need anything from home while I’m there?’

‘No I’m good thanks. You don’t need the trauma of rummaging around in my drawers as well.’ He smiles.

And then I’m walking out of the hospital, collecting my bike where it’s still, miraculously, in one piece, and wheeling it out to the main road. Jay’s house is in Gosforth, a little north of mine in Jesmond, and the journey seems to take forever – lack of food, water and sleep doesn’t make anyone feel their best – but I’m keen to get to Alan as quickly as possible.

The address Jay gave me is a large, three-storey town house with a small front yard and glossy black door. It’s not dissimilar to my house in London and I feel an unexpected pang for home. I double-check the address, wheel my bike to the front door and lean it against the wall beneath the window. I can already hear Alan barking so I slip the key into the lock as quickly as I can.

I’m almost sent flying as soon as I step inside as a small, furry animal barrels into me, and I bend down, making sure to close the door behind me first.

‘Hello, boy,’ I say, and Alan’s so grateful to see me, it doesn’t seem to matter that he’s never met me before. He licks my hands, my arms and my face, covering me with big, soppy kisses. He’s some sort of terrier, with big brown eyes, a fuzz of black hair and a couple of brown patches on his back.

I stand and walk towards the back of the house where Jay told me I’d find food, and Alan follows, almost tripping me up as he winds between my legs. I unlock the back door and he races out and has a wee in the middle of the lawn, then runs round in excited circles, thrilled with himself.

The food is in the cupboard under the sink as Jay said it would be, and I open a tin and tip the meat into a clean bowl. It smells vile but Alan doesn’t seem to think so, sticking his face in it and wolfing down great clumps of the stuff as though he hasn’t eaten for a week rather than since yesterday. I wonder whether I should take him for a walk. I mean, Jay didn’t ask me to, maybe he thought that was a step too far, but I’m sure Alan would like it.

He has a collar on and I can see his lead hanging on a hook by the back door. I could text Jay and check but he’s probably asleep. Deciding it can’t do any harm, I pluck the lead from the hook, and Alan goes mad.

‘Oh is that what you need, boy?’ I say, bending down and slipping the lead onto his collar. He starts his dizzying circling again and I try not to trip over him as we step into the garden. I lock the door and we head down the side alley to the front of the house and back out onto the street. I’m fairly certain we’re near the Town Moor where Matt and I were cycling yesterday, and sure enough a few minutes later the expanse of green opens up. As I stroll along, Alan trots along happily beside me, stopping to sniff something every couple of feet. No matter how hard I try to push thoughts of Matt and Gladys out of my mind, they keep intruding, making themselves known. What are they doing now? How is Matt feeling? I keep replaying the kiss, and how it had felt to have Matt’s lips on mine and it makes me feel warm inside.

No. Stop it. No good will come of thinking like this. I made it clear to Matt that I need to keep looking for Jay, and now it looks as though I might have found him. That’s what I need to focus on now.

So why do I feel like I’m cheating on him? Should I tell him about Jay? He has been helping me look for him these last few weeks, and I feel as though I owe him that much, at least. But I also want to keep it to myself for now, in case I’m mistaken. Or in case nothing comes of it.

I don’t want to hurt him either. And after yesterday and the way I abandoned him at the pub, I wouldn’t blame him if he never wanted to see me again. The look on his face as I walked away still haunts me.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and, as if I’ve conjured him just by thinking about him, it’s a message from Matt. I open it with trepidation, my fingers fumbling with the buttons.

Matt

Sorry I haven’t been in touch. I can’t stop thinking about last night. I’m sorry if I overstepped the mark but I really like you. Can we talk? Matt.

There’s no kiss but he’s being completely straight with me. I’ve always loved a man who wears his heart on his sleeve. I’m too old for messing about, which is why online dating has never suited me. But now Matt’s honesty is just making me feel worse about the way I’ve treated him.

Because I really like him too.

My phone battery is really low so I put it in my pocket and head back towards Jay’s, ignoring the stab of guilt at not replying. It must have taken him a lot to send that message. But I need time to think of a reply that will let him down gently.

Alan is tugging on the lead, but I don’t risk letting him run free in case he makes a break for it. Some meet-cute that would be, causing someone to crash his car and then losing his dog.

Back at Jay’s I plug my phone into a charger I spotted in the kitchen, fill Alan’s water bowl and scrape the rest of his food into his bowl. Unsure what else to do while I wait for my phone to spring back to life, I wander round the kitchen, opening and closing cupboards. I’m not sure what I’m looking for. Maybe some sort of clue as to the kind of person Jay is.

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