Page 63 of Five Things I Love About You

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When I wake up the light feels different and I’m momentarily confused. But then the events of last night and this morning come rushing back and I sit bolt upright, my head spinning.

I kissed Matt!

And I found Jay!

I fall back onto the pillows with a groan. Oh God, what a mess.

It takes me a few minutes to drag myself out of bed, and by the time I’m showered and dressed in clean clothes, I’m absolutely ravenous. I make myself a sandwich and finally sit down at the table to eat and check my messages.

There’s one from Jay, saying thank you again and telling me he’ll be in touch to let me know when he’s out of hospital.

The next three are from Sophie, with increasing levels of annoyance at my lack of response.

But there is nothing from Matt, and I click open his last message and reread it.

Matt

I really like you.

We need to talk.

I drop the phone on the table and sigh. Why is life like this – you don’t find anyone you like for ages, then the man you’ve dreamed about for months comes along on the same day as another man kisses you?

I know I need to reply to Matt. The trouble is I really don’t know what to say. How do you explain to someone that you’ve started to have feelings for them and that you enjoyed kissing them and would like to do it again but – oh, you can’t because you’ve just almost killed the man you’ve been looking for and need to get to know him instead, in case he’s the soulmate you hope he is?

There’s no way to say any of that without sounding either insane or cruel.

Instead, I find Sophie’s number and call her back.

‘At last!’ she says by way of greeting.

‘Sorry, I’ve had a bit of a twenty-four hours.’

‘It sounds like it. Tell me everything.’

So I do – from pulling out in front of Jay, to following him to the hospital, all the way through to realising he’s probablymyJay, and the fact he has a dog called Alan and likes skydiving. ‘Jay, not Alan,’ I clarify, my attempt at a joke falling flat. I miss out the bit about kissing Matt for now, because I know she’ll tell Kirstie and I don’t want her to articulate what I already know.

‘I can’t believe you found him,’ she says, finally.

‘So you think it’s really him?’

‘Of course! Don’t you?’ she sounds surprised.

‘I don’t know.’ How can I explain that, even though I moved three hundred miles away from home to look for Jay, that I never truly believed I’d find him? That, thanks to Matt, I’m now doubting whether finding him is even what I want? ‘I guess it’s just taking some time for it to sink in.’

‘You don’t sound as excited as I thought you would. Is everything all right?’

‘Yes, it’s fine. Honestly. I’m just tired.’

‘Okay.’ She sounds like she doesn’t believe me but thankfully doesn’t say any more. ‘So, what are you going to do?’

I shrug, then remember that she can’t see me. ‘Well, I’ll feed Alan tonight and then see whether Jay’s coming out of hospital tomorrow. And then – I don’t know.’ I take another bite of my sandwich.

‘You have to have a plan!’ Sophie sighs, and I imagine her running her fingers through her mane of auburn hair in exasperation. ‘You’ve finally found Jay, now you need to do some more digging. Get to know him properly.’

My mouth is still full so I don’t reply immediately, and Sophie clearly takes this as a sign of resistance.

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