Page 81 of Five Things I Love About You

‘Listen, I like Jay and I enjoy spending time with him. We had great sex last night and I’m hoping it’s going to go somewhere. Can we please stop talking about Matt now?’

She hesitates a second, then lets out a puff of air herself. ‘Okay. Sorry. I just don’t want to see you make a mistake.’ She reaches for my hands and cups hers around them. ‘I love you, Miranda.’

‘And I love you too.’ I pull my hands away and dig out my purse. ‘Now shall we pay for this and get out of here?’

* * *

It’s a warm sunny day so we decide to go for a walk in Jesmond Dene. I’m slightly nervous of bumping into Matt – I’ve avoided it so far, just in case – but Kirstie wants to do some power-walking and I don’t want to give her any more reason to talk about Matt, so I agree.

‘Do you fancy turning it into a run?’ she says as we stroll back to my flat so I can change out of my jeans.

‘Ugh, I haven’t run for ages, I’m not sure I can manage it.’

‘I’ll be gentle, I promise,’ she says, and I agree just to stop her nagging.

Twenty minutes later we’re jogging down the hill towards the park, my breakfast sitting heavy in my belly, mixed with a feeling of dread.

Kirstie chats away, but I can barely catch my breath so I just let her talk. My chest hurts and I concentrate on breathing slowly, in two three, out two three, and as we head down the steep slope to the river, and across towards the café I’ve finally got it under control. It’s probably thanks to how difficult I’m finding the run that I don’t notice him at first, and it’s not until we’re almost in front of him that Kirstie tugs my arm. She looks excited, her eyebrows raised so high they’ve almost beetled into her hairline.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ I puff between breaths.

She’s nodding her head in a weird way now and I wonder whether she’s having some sort of stroke. ‘Over there,’ she whispers, like a pantomime baddie, and I look in the direction of her head bobs – and I stop dead.

It’s Matt. He’s on a bench about ten metres away, gazing down at Gladys, who’s beside him with her head on his lap. He’s watching her adoringly and my heart does a little leap.

‘Let’s turn around,’ I say, but Kirstie doesn’t move. And then it’s all too late anyway because Gladys has spotted me and she lifts her head and her tail thumps on the wooden slats behind her. Finally, slowly, Matt turns his head to see who she’s seen.

The look on his face probably mirrors my own – surprised, and awkward and pleased all at the same time. He smiles and Kirstie grabs my hand and pulls me towards him. I fuss over Gladys, who hasn’t moved from her spot yet, and avoid meeting Matt’s eye.

‘Hi, I’m Kirstie,’ Kirstie is saying beside me and I still can’t look at Matt. They shake hands, and Kirstie tells him she’s just up for a visit and she’s happy to meet him in real life at last.

‘It’s lovely to meet you too,’ Matt says, and oh GOD, why is this so awkward? I want to look at Matt and talk to him the way I always have, but I just can’t make myself feel natural. It’s as though I’ve forgotten how to hold my body, my face.

‘It’s good to see you Miranda,’ Matt says eventually, and at last I’m forced to turn and look at him. I wish Kirstie wasn’t watching me as I smile and say hello and ask how he is.

‘I’ve missed Gladys,’ I say, and he holds my gaze for a moment as though hoping for more. Then: ‘She’s missed you too.’

I kiss the top of her head and search her eyes. They seem sad and all-knowing. ‘How has she been? Any more kidney problems?’

Matt doesn’t answer immediately and I glance at his face. He looks pale.

‘Matt? Is everything all right?’

It’s then that I notice that he’s blinking rapidly, fighting to hold back tears, and my heart stops. ‘She’s not well,’ he says.

‘Oh no,’ I say, rubbing Gladys behind the ear. ‘Is it the same thing as before?’

He shakes his head tightly.

‘She’s dying, Miranda,’ he says. His voice cracks on the last word.

The park stands still, I forget to breathe. ‘What? What do you mean?’ Gladys can’t be dying. I clear my throat, suddenly choked. ‘What’s wrong with her?’

‘She stopped being able to breathe properly a couple of weeks back, and the vet said it was congestive heart failure.’ Matt sounds so sad it breaks my heart.

‘But they can do something about that, can’t they? Surely they can cure all sorts these days?’ I’m frantic, surprising even myself over the depth of my feelings for this little dog who brought Matt and I together. Whoever would have thought a little mutt like Gladys would have captured my heart so completely?

Matt shakes his head sadly. ‘No. Because of her age and how advanced it is, they said the kindest thing to do is to put her to sleep.’ He swallows. ‘I begged them to let me have a few more days with her, to take her to all her favourite places one last time.’ He waves his hand around the park. ‘And they agreed, so here we are. Saying goodbye.’

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