Page 82 of Five Things I Love About You

The lump in my throat feels as though it’s suffocating me and I try to swallow it down.

‘Oh, Matt, I’m so sorry.’ I sit down beside Gladys and rub the top of her head where the fur is so soft. She nuzzles into me and I feel a tear track down my cheek.

Kirstie is hovering nearby, bouncing on her toes, and I gesture for her to sit down. She does, and Matt looks up at us both.

‘I’m sorry to be the bearer of such sad news. But she’s had a wonderful life.’

‘I know.’ Gladys buries her face in Matt’s lap again and I move my hand away. ‘So where else have you taken her?’

‘Just around town. The quayside.’Where we met.‘The beach.’Where we spent a lovely day.‘Around Jesmond, seeing her friends.’

The thought of Gladys having friends tips me over the edge and I feel my breath hitch. ‘Oh, Gladys,’ I say, leaning down to plant a gentle kiss on her soft head. I look up at Matt. ‘So how have you been, otherwise?’

He shrugs. ‘Okay. Getting on.’

I look down at my feet. For once Kirstie doesn’t say anything.

‘I’m leaving in a few weeks.’

I look up sharply, the breath leaving my chest. ‘Leaving?’

He nods, holding my gaze. ‘I was offered a job a while back. I said no at first, but with the kids grown up and Gladys no longer here I… well, I had no reason to say no. Thought it was time for a fresh start.’

‘Right.’ My heart feels heavy and I don’t know what to say. ‘Where are you going?’

‘Toronto.’

The world stands still. ‘As in Canada?’

‘Yes.’

‘Oh.’ Beside me I hear Kirstie let out a sigh, and I tense. ‘How long for?’ My voice feels as though it’s coming from a million miles away.

‘I’m not sure. It’s a year contract at first but then – who knows? I guess I can decide if I like it.’

I stand, suddenly desperate to get out of there, to get away from the sadness of Matt leaving and Gladys dying. The blood rushes to my head and I feel dizzy, the world spinning round me in a blur of green and blue. Kirstie stands too, takes my hand.

‘Well, good luck. I’m sure you’ll have a great time. And I’m so sorry about Gladys. She’s a wonderful dog.’

‘Thank you, I…’ He stops and looks away briefly, then back again. ‘I wish things could have been different.’

I feel like I’m about to choke and I can’t reply, so I turn and scurry away as fast as I can before Matt notices I’m crying. Kirstie doesn’t follow immediately, but a few moments later she catches up with me.

As soon as we round the corner out of sight I stop and Kirstie wraps her arms around me. My sobs come in gasps and it takes me a while to get it out of my system and for Kirstie to let me go. When I do finally pull away from her my eyes feel sore and my face is streaked with tears.

‘Sorry, I got your top all wet,’ I say, pointing to Kirstie’s shoulder.

She doesn’t smile but keeps her hands on my shoulders and tries to catch my eye. When I look at her all I see is pity and it nearly breaks me again. I look away.

‘Are you crying more about Matt, or about Gladys?’ she says, gently, linking her arm through mine as we start to walk slowly towards the park exit.

I shake my head, unable to answer. ‘Both, I think.’ My voice is scratchy and I watch my feet as they step one in the front of the other. Neither of us says anything for quite some time and before I know it we’re back out on the street and heading towards my flat.

‘Shall we go and get pissed?’ Kirstie says, as we round the corner onto Jesmond high street.

I nod. ‘I think that sounds like a bloody good idea.’

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