Page 55 of Five Things I Love About You

But it has led me closer to Matt.

Kirstie’s words echo through my head too:he’s LURVES you!The words are ridiculous, but is the sentiment right? Could Matt have feelings for me? Sure, we’ve had a couple of moments when I thought there might be something more between us, but most of the time I’ve felt nothing more than friendship for Matt, and I’ve been fairly certain he feels the same way. Or have I just been trying to convince myself that’s the case?

Could Kirstie be right? Am I wilfully ignoring something exciting happening right under my nose?

Matt’s leg is pressing against mine and it feels as though my thigh is on fire. I take a gulp of my gin and slam the glass back down on the table too hard. I’ve had too much to drink. I should probably go before I do something I might regret.

Except that, just as I go to tell Matt I’m going home, his face is right beside mine, so close I can feel his breath. His eyes are studying me and he isn’t making any move to widen the gap between us, so I stay there, heart thumping, waiting.

And then our lips are pressed together and I can’t tell you who made the first move but all I know is it feels incredible, the warmth of his mouth and the tingle that runs from my head to my toes as he moves his whole body closer to me. I don’t even care that we’re in a pub and people can see us. Right now I don’t care about anything apart from this spark between us, and the fact that this feels completely right.

He pulls away, and his fingers rest on my shoulders. My skin burns beneath his touch. ‘That was?—’

‘It was.’

Neither of us say anything more for a few moments. But slowly, the outside world comes back into focus and I realise, with a jolt, that this should never have happened. I pull further away and stand abruptly. Matt watches me with confusion as I wobble on shaking legs, and gather my things – my bag, my cycling helmet. My fingers fumble, and by the time I’ve got everything, Matt has stood up too.

‘Miranda? What’s wrong?’

‘I…’ I shake my head. ‘I’m sorry, Matt. This was a mistake.’

I can’t look at his face because I know I’ll see nothing but hurt there, and I can’t blame him. My head’s spinning and I’m overcome with the urge to get out of there, into the fresh air and work out what the hell I’m doing, how I’m feeling.

So without another word I turn and half run towards the exit. It’s still light outside, the grey dusk making everything feel dulled, and I unlock my bike and swing my leg over the saddle. Before I pull into the road I glance back to see if Matt has followed me, but he’s not there. Ignoring the ball of disappointment in my chest, I push off and wobble into the road.

As soon as I’m pedalling I realise I’m probably not fit to be cycling, but it’s too late now. I just need to get out of here, get home, and lick my wounds.

I’m still thinking about this when I indicate to turn right and a horn blares, and then there’s a screech of brakes behind me, and everything slows as a car skids across the road out of control. I watch, frozen, as it heads towards a bollard and comes to an abrupt stop. The crash of metal fills the air. I sit on my bike, frozen in horror as the world stands still, a terrible silence…

‘Someone call an ambulance!’ comes a shout from across the street, and everything rushes back in all at once.

Shit, of course. I fumble in my rucksack for my phone, and with shaking hands dial 999. By the time the ambulance arrives the driver of the car is still inside and I stare at the scene detachedly, as though I’m watching it on TV.

Eventually, the door opens and a man climbs out. He looks dazed and has blood all over his face. A paramedic wraps him in a silver sheet and takes him by the elbow and he hobbles towards the open doors of the ambulance. A small crowd has gathered now and I realise I’m still standing in the middle of the road. I have no idea whether anyone saw what happened and it occurs to me that if they did I could be in serious trouble. But nobody seems to be looking at me, or have even noticed me. My whole body thumps in time to my heartbeat and I can’t take my eyes off the man I could have killed. He’s almost at the ambulance now, half-hidden behind the paramedic, and I crane my neck to try and see him properly. I feel a responsibility to make sure he’s okay, to make sure my stupid actions haven’t caused someone some serious damage.

Then he looks round and catches my eye and I see him properly for the first time. His dark hair sticks up wildly, and a trickle of blood is dripping from his chin onto his white shirt, making him look as though he’s completely soaked in his own blood. I can’t move as his eyes search me. Does he know this was my fault? Does he blame me? Is he about to point the finger?

And then his gaze sweeps over me as if I’m not even there and he turns back to the ambulance and steps inside.

19

There’s plenty of time to think about my actions while I’m sitting on a cold hard plastic chair in a waiting room of the Royal Victoria Hospital. I think about the man from the car with blood dripping down his face, who is currently somewhere in this building having his injuries checked over by doctors.

I think about running away from Matt, who I haven’t spoken to since. I don’t know what I’m going to say to him, so for now, I’m saying nothing and feeling terrible about it.

But mostly, I’m sitting here offering up prayers to whoever is listening, that the man I drove off the road is going to be okay.

After the ambulance left the scene, blue lights flashing, adrenaline finally galvanised me into action and I got off my bike and pushed it across the road towards the already-dispersing crowd. I was amazed my wobbly legs could carry me.

‘Excuse me?’ I called, and a woman clutching her phone turned, her face a question. ‘Do you have any idea which hospital they’ll be taking him to?’

She looked me up and down. ‘Do you know him, like?’

I shook my head. ‘No. I just… I want to make sure he’s all right.’

She stared at me a moment longer, then shrugged. ‘Dunno. Probably the RVI though. It’s the main one.’

‘Thank you.’

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