Page 67 of Five Things I Love About You

It’s Matt.

My legs suddenly feel weak, and I sit down on the sofa and stare at the phone in my hand. I should answer it but I’m frozen. I owe him an explanation for my silence. He deserves more than being ignored. And yet I don’t know how to tell him any of it.

The ringing stops and I realise my hand’s shaking.

I should ring him back. This is unfair of me to treat him like this.

I press redial and wait, heart racing. He takes a while to answer and just as I begin to think he’s given up on me, the ringing stops and I hear his voice.

‘Hello, Miranda.’

His soft Geordie accent makes me shiver, and I realise I’m smiling.

‘Hi, Matt.’

The silence between us hums and stretches, an elastic thing. There are so many things I need to say to him I don’t know how to start.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says. ‘I didn’t mean to ruin our friendship.’

My heart melts. ‘Oh, Matt, you didn’t. And you have nothing to be sorry for. It’s me who should be sorry. For running away. For ghosting you. For not explaining.’

‘Well, now you come to mention it…’ I hear the chuckle in his voice. He goes quiet for a moment and I wonder whether he’s waiting for me to speak. Then: ‘Why did you run away? I’m not that awful a kisser, am I?’

Oh, Matt, you’re so very far from being awful.

‘I… I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to explain myself. I just…’ I trail off, lost for words.

‘It’s okay. I’m only teasing. I knew you were looking for someone else, I should never have done it. But I don’t want to lose your friendship over this.’

‘Oh God, neither do I.’ Relief floods through me. ‘You’ve been the only thing keeping me sane since I got here. Well, you and Gladys.’

‘Gladys misses you.’

‘Does she?’

‘Very much.’

I swallow. ‘Tell Gladys I miss her too.’

I feel a burning behind my eyes. Am Icrying?I blink the tears back and sniff loudly. ‘Well, I’m glad we’ve got that sorted.’

‘Me too. I?—’

‘The thing is, something’s happened.’ I’m not sure what Matt was about to say but I need to tell him about finding Jay before he says anything nice to me.

‘Oh?’

I hesitate. How do I start? The last thing I want to do is hurt Matt, but I have to tell him the truth. It’s unfair not to. ‘I’ve found Jay.’

A beat of silence. Then: ‘I see.’

‘I hadn’t, when we kissed’ – I blush at saying it out loud – ‘but when I left you?—’

‘You ran away from me?—’

‘Yes, then. Anyway, I witnessed an accident.’ There’s really no need to say Icausedit, is there? ‘And I followed the man to hospital to make sure he was all right and it turned out to be him. Jay.’

I stop for breath but Matt doesn’t speak straight away.

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