Page 80 of Five Things I Love About You

We head inside the bakery, where the smell of warm pastry combines with coffee and bacon and makes my stomach rumble. We order breakfast then sit down in a seat by the window. The sun through the glass is warm on my face and I pull my sunglasses down to shield my eyes.

‘So.’ Kirstie cups her chin in her hands. ‘Does the fact that you’ve shagged Jay mean you’ve decided to forget about the delicious Matt then?’

‘Kirstie!’ I say, glancing over my shoulder to make sure no one – especially the little girl sitting with her dad behind us – overheard her.

‘What? I’m only asking.’

‘Well, keep your voice down. Iteachround here.’

‘Sorry.’ She looks suitably chastened. ‘I only wanted to know whether this means you’ve definitely made your choice.’

‘There is no choice to make,’ I say, as a teenager appears beside us balancing a tray precariously and places a latte in front of me and a pot of mint tea and an espresso in front of Kirstie.

‘Covering all bases I see.’ I point at her drink selection as she downs her espresso in one go.

‘Yep. Coffee to wake me up, tea to help me get rid of the crap from last night. Win-win situation.’ She folds her arms as I scrape foam from the top of my latte. ‘But don’t try and change the subject. I’m still quizzing you about your complicated love life.’

‘It’s not complicated at all,’ I say, taking a tentative sip of my coffee and wiping my lip with my napkin. ‘I came to find Jay, and I’ve found him. He’s lovely, we get on well and now… well. Now we appear to be together.’

‘Except there’s Matt.’

‘There is no Matt!’ My voice comes out louder than intended, and I lean towards her and continue in a much quieter voice, pushing my sunglasses back off my face. ‘You need to let this go, Kirst.’

She shakes her head slowly. ‘Except you forget that I know you. And I know you had feelings for Matt, and I’m notentirelyconvinced you have the same feelings for Jay. In fact,’ she continues, before I can object, ‘I think you might be trying to convince yourself you like him more than you actually do because you don’t want your crazy little mission to have failed.’

Anger flares through me and I sit back and cross my arms.

‘I donothave feelings for Matt, and I amnottrying to convince myself I like Jay more than I do. I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with this.’

‘Because I know you, Miranda. And I just want you to be happy.’

‘Then just be pleased for me that I found Jay, and that he makes me happy.’ I pick up my cup and take a gulp, an end to the discussion.

Kirstie studies me, as if trying to decide whether to say anything further. Then she gives a small nod and sits back as well, and says, ‘Okay, fine. I’m happy for you.’

There’s no time for awkwardness because the teenager returns just then with our food and places a plate in front of each of us. Mine’s a sausage sandwich smothered in ketchup, Kirstie has gone for American pancakes with blueberries, and drowns them in a sea of maple syrup.

As we eat I try not to think about what she said about Matt and about me having feelings for him. Sure, I liked him. A lot. And we had lots of things in common; a love of books, of music. I think about the conversations we had about his dad, how they used to collect shells together, about how much he loved him, the pain of losing him almost a physical ache.

I think about Gladys, and how sad I feel that I might not see her again. But you can’t stay friends with someone just because you’ve fallen in love with their ancient dog, can you?

Instead I pull my thoughts back to the present, to now. To Jay. He’s a lovely man and, while we might not have as much in common on the surface, we get on well. And he has a dog I love anyway. So there’s that.

‘So, is this it then?’ Kirstie’s studying me with that serious look again and I glance back down at the crusts of bread on my plate, dotting the crumbs with my finger.

‘Is what it?’

‘Is Matt out of your life for good, or are you going to try and stay friends?’

I shrug. ‘I haven’t heard from him so I guess he’s decided he doesn’t want to know me any more.’

‘Right.’ She nods, chewing thoughtfully. ‘Because he’s in love with you.’

I shake my head. ‘Matt always knew I was looking for someone else. And now I’ve found that someone else it’s not fair to lead him on.’

She lets out a dramatic sigh. ‘It’s so sad. There was so much chemistry between you I felt sure he was The One. And you know I never normally get these things wrong.’

It feels cruel to point out that she never even seems to get these things right for herself let alone for anyone else. Instead I take a sip of my latte and wipe my mouth.

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