Page 90 of Five Things I Love About You

I drag myself to the bathroom and let the hot water pummel me. My head is still pounding and I could be sick at any given moment, but at least the world has stopped spinning and I feel slightly more human again.

As I walk back into the bedroom wrapped in a towel, my phone is ringing. I’m tempted to ignore it completely, sure it’s going to be Jay, and I don’t feel quite ready to speak to him yet. But then I notice the name on the screen and snatch it up before it stops.

‘You’re alive!’ the voice screams.

‘Hello, Soph,’ I say. Then I burst into tears.

‘Oh my God, M, what’s wrong?’

I can’t answer as the sobs keep coming. There’s a clanging noise from her end, then she says, ‘Look at me! M!’ and I prise the phone from my ear to see she’s switched to a video call and I’m so happy to see her familiar face it makes me cry even harder.

After a good couple of minutes I manage to get myself under control. Sophie is still waiting, watching me with concern.

‘Sorry, Soph. That reaction took me by surprise as well,’ I say, sheepishly, swiping my hand across my sodden face. ‘Hang on, I need a tissue.’ Finally I’m back, my face dry and my chest only giving the odd hitch.

‘Sorry,’ I repeat.

‘Don’t be. I was worried about you.’

‘Were you? Why?’

She cocks her head to one side. ‘Your text last night?’

I sent her a text?

‘What… what text?’

‘Oh, M.’ She pulls her glasses from their perch in her nest of hair, squints at her phone and jabs a couple of buttons, then reads it out. ‘I’ve made such a mess of things. Jay is a horrible cheat. I love Matt and now he’s gone and I’m going to be sad and lonely forever.’ She looks at me. ‘The spelling’s all over the shop, but I’m guessing you have no recollection of sending me that?’

My face burns and I shake my head in shame. ‘No,’ I whimper.

‘Oh, darling, tell me everything.’

Shakily, I tell her what I can remember of last night. About how I thought I might really be falling for Jay, about his friends and the revelation that Jay cheated on his ex-wife after telling me she was the one who cheated. ‘And then I left him there all on his own,’ I say, sniffling. ‘I’m an awful person.’

‘You are not an awful person.’

‘Hmmmpph.’ I can’t look at her, so I pick at a thread on my towel and sniffle some more.

‘Miranda, please look at me.’ Slowly I lift my head and look my friend in the eye. She’s frowning but smiling at the same time and I want her to wrap her arms around me and hold me in one of her hugs. But I have to make do with her words for now.

‘Miranda, are you really in love with Matt?’

‘No!’ The word comes out quickly but without conviction. I look away again, then shrug. ‘It was just the wine talking,’ I say, but I’m not even convincing myself.

‘Kirstie thinks you are.’

‘I know.’

‘She thinks you’re mad to let him go.’

‘Well, it’s too late now, isn’t it, because he’s gone.’

‘Only to Canada.’

‘It’s almost the other side of the world.’

‘It’s not the moon though, is it? It’s not an impossible place to visit.’

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