Page 99 of Five Things I Love About You

After my bath I get dressed and carefully apply some make-up. It’s still only 8a.m, so I make my way down to the restaurant for breakfast. A knot of anxiety lies low in my belly and I struggle to eat much, but a strong coffee and a banana make me feel more awake at least.

8.30a.m.

Time seems to have slowed and with every minute that passes the knot in my belly tightens. I need to occupy myself. I go back to my room, grab my bag, phone and coat, and set off to explore the city for a couple of hours.

When I step out of the hotel the frigid wind takes my breath away, and I regret not bringing gloves. It’s still early, and most of the people out and about are commuters hurrying to work, wrapped in hats and scarves, heads down against the cold. I shiver as another blast of wind hits me, and turn right, towards what looks like a row of shops.

There’s no time to leave this area this morning, and as I walk it occurs to me that if Matt lives round here I might bump into him unexpectedly. I wonder what I’ll say to him. I try to imagine sitting down opposite him, looking him in the eye, and telling him I can’t stop thinking about him. That I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since the day I ran away from him.

Since we kissed.

The wind is too icy now so I bundle into a department store to buy myself something warmer to wear. London is cold in the winter but this is another level of freezing, the wind penetrating several layers of clothing so that it feels like it’s stripping the skin away from my bones. I buy thick gloves, a woolly hat and a huge scarf that wraps round me several times. I decide a new coat is a step too far today, but by the time I’ve left the shop bundled up it’s almost 10.30a.m. An hour and a half to go.

I walk down the main row of shops in search of coffee. The buildings are low and brightly coloured, even in the grey winter air, and the little fences along the front glisten with ice crystals. The wide streets are busy despite the cold, although the open spaces which are no doubt packed during the warm summer months are empty as people scurry from one warm building to another beneath the heavy blanket of winter sky. It feels like another world to the one I left behind in London.

There’s only half an hour to go now, and I need to make sure I know where we’re meeting, so I pull out my phone, my gloveless fingers already frozen by the time I’ve unlocked the screen. Kirstie, always an early riser, has already replied, and I click the message open.

Kirstie

Go smash it girl. Sweep him off his feet. And don’t come home unless you’re married or pregnant. K x

I grin and click off the message, open Google Maps and type in Fika. It’s a twenty-minute walk, so I turn in the direction the arrows are taking me and start walking. I feel as though I’m having an out of body experience. I’m in a city I don’t know, going to tell a man I’ve only known for a few months that, actually, I might have fallen in love with him, after flying three thousand miles to do so. I wonder when my life stopped being normal and turned into the plot of a cheesy Hallmark romcom.

I’m here. I stop in front of the coffee shop and peer up at the turquoise façade. It’s a tall town house squeezed between two other, less brightly coloured houses. It’s not what I imagined, and I try to picture Matt here, having coffee, laughing with friends.

Enjoying a date?

I shake the thought away. He might well have met someone else, but I like to think he would have had the decency to have told Kirstie that, to save us all the embarrassment, not to mention the expense, if he had. I take a deep breath and run up the steps and push open the front door. The warmth envelopes me instantly, and the smell of coffee soon after. I unfurl my scarf from my neck and tie it to my bag then head towards the counter. I’m ten minutes early so I don’t expect Matt to be here yet, and a quick glance round reveals I’m right. I order a coffee, unsure whether he’ll want to stay for anything to eat, and sit at a table facing the door. My whole body thrums with tension, and every time the bell over the door tings I look up, my heart in my throat.

It’s not him.

It’s not him.

It’s not him.

And then. It is him and all the air leaves my body as I watch him close the door behind him, then turn to look for me. In the seconds it takes for all that to happen, a few things hit me.

He looks incredible.

I really fancy him.

And he’s carrying a dog under one arm. A tiny, scruffy little thing with huge ears, and wearing a blue collar.

I see the moment he spots me, and his eyes light up. Then his warm smile spreads across his face like syrup, and he walks the few steps towards me. As he reaches the table I stand, my legs like jelly, and smile back at him.

‘You came.’ His voice is gentle, his accent incongruous here, in this city so far away from Newcastle.

‘So did you.’

We stand for a moment, just looking at each other. My pulse roars through my body and finally, I sit. Matt pulls out the chair opposite me, puts the dog on the floor, and follows suit.

I’d tried so many times to go over what this moment might be like. What I might say to him. Would I tell him I was sorry, that I missed him, that I think I made a mistake. That, actually, the man from my dreams turned out not to be the man of my dreams after all?

But now he’s here I can’t seem to get any words out at all.

Luckily, Matt breaks the silence.

‘So, Kirstie said you wanted to talk. I can’t help thinking it might have been easier just to have rung.’

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