‘Do you know why I listened so keenly to you talking about growing up on the estate?’ he called to my retreating back.
I kept walking.
‘Because I was trying to imagine myself in your shoes,’ he carried on loudly. ‘I wanted to picture myself doing all of the things you got to do. I wanted to replace the visual I had of you as a child growing up at Wynbrook, with one of me. I wanted to see myself on the receiving end of the childhood I should have had, instead of the one that saw me dragged from boarding school and then around the US with no one place to call home and no continuity in either my education or my friendships…’
His words petered out and I stopped walking.
‘I didn’t plan for the summer to turn out this way,’ he said more quietly. ‘I didn’t know how I was going to feel about you, Daisy.’
I turned back to face him, my traitorous heart beating wildly in my chest.
‘I wasn’t ready to turn up on the estate when I did either, but I got so scared when you said something was wrong with Algy that I knew I had to go because if something happened to him before I met him, then I never would have been able to live with the regret.’
‘But why didn’t you just tell me the truth?’ I demanded, as I walked back towards him and tried to focus on the picture that was bigger than the feelings for me that he’d just alluded to. ‘You could have trusted me.’
‘Because to begin with, I barely knew you.’ He shrugged. ‘And by the time I felt like I did, I didn’t know how to broach it. It felt like it was too late to come clean and I still had so much to work out.’
His words weren’t the easiest to hear, but I knew there was truth in them.
‘I’ve discovered recently that there’s practically no one in my life who I can have faith in,’ he continued, sounding bitter, ‘so how could I immediately spill my best-kept secret to a woman I’d just met on a beach and embarked on a summer romance with?’
I preferred his definition of our relationship to Nick’s – a romance sounded far lovelier than a fling – or I would have preferred it, if it was not now over. Because, given the complicated circumstances, and in spite of the fact that Josh had just said he had feelings for me, it had to be over, didn’t it?
‘But surely you can see how your behaviour has made everyone question their trust in you?’ I said, firing a question back at him. ‘Everyone around here really likes you, Josh, but we allloveAlgy and will do anything to protect him.’
Josh nodded.
‘I know that,’ he said, running a hand through his damp hair, ‘but he doesn’t need protecting, not from me, and I promise I had my reasons for not revealing my identity the second I showed up.’
‘Will you tell me what those reasons are?’ I asked him.
‘I do want to, but I’m still untangling some of them and I’d rather not discuss any of it until I’ve got it all straight in my head. I started this summer with a bowl of very twisted spaghetti, but I’m slowly pulling it all out, strand by strand.’
I looked at him and sighed. That wasn’t the answer I had been hoping for and the look on his face suggested he knew it.
‘You do know that given my reason for coming back to Wynbrook, I’m not great with finding faith in people at themoment, don’t you?’ I reminded him. ‘You’re not the only one around here with trust issues.’
‘I do know that,’ he said, nodding. ‘Your ex was an idiot to treat you the way he did. But I can promise you, Daisy, with my hand on my heart,’ he pressed his open hand to his bare tanned chest, ‘that there is absolutely nothing nefarious about my showing up here.’
I had no desire to smile and when I looked at Josh’s face, I could see he wasn’t trying to be funny or lighten the moment to get himself off the hook. He was in earnest and most likely hadn’t even realised the significance of the word he’d used to express his sincerity.
‘You promise?’ I whispered.
‘Cross my heart,’ he vowed, looking deep into my eyes.
Hearing his heartfelt oath and thinking of what Algy had said, I allowed my own heart to open again, just the tiniest bit, and I promised myself I would do my best to believe him.
Chapter 24
Wynbrook Blooms was busy for the whole day, which was a blessing because it went some way to stopping me getting too distracted by the things Josh had said on the beach that related to me. True, there were a couple of times that I caught myself staring at him rather than focusing on the job in hand, because of course I’d taken back my statement on the beach that he shouldn’t work with me and then given him a lift to Wynbrook, but for the most part, I managed to carry on unhindered.
The best part of the day was when Algy arrived with a lunchtime picnic basket for us all to share. It didn’t take more than a minute to see him and Josh together to know the pair had bonded and I felt my heart further open when I thought about the more secure future of Wynbrook and the direction they might together decide to take the estate in.
I had even fallen to thinking about the future myself, in particular that of Wynbrook Blooms and how it could be turned into a much larger venture, assuming I could persuade the current and future owners to think beyond the parameters of the current set-up. Certainly, by the end of our day togetherin the garden, there was no doubt in my mind that Josh’s future lay with the estate in some capacity or other.
Unfortunately, however, I didn’t think that everyone in my life was yet as convinced about Josh as I was, and listening to the conversation at the impromptu barbecue gathering at Nick’s place on Saturday night was further proof of that.
‘He was all over the house when he helped me,’ I heard Mum disapprovingly telling Penny. ‘In and out of all the rooms as if he owned the place.’