Page 35 of Sunrise Arrows

His voice is the stability I need. The slow, thick, caressing cadence calms the malevolent rage within me into something more purposeful that doesn’t threaten to consume me. After all this time, he’s still my anchor, that soft place for me to land, my home.

I don’t wait to hear the rest of the song. I look up at Briar and say, “I don’t want Archer to know. Make sure he doesn’t see you.”

“You gonna be good without me?”

“Yeah, I got this,” I assure, reaching out to squeeze her hand before we part ways.

As I walk down the hill, several paddocks come into view. The ranch is full of life, with hands moving about across all parts. Horses are being exercised and groomed, more getting trained and tested; stalls are being cleaned and side by sides whiz to areas further out. The occasional sound of a recorded crowd cheers out from the track where I assume Ryder is working to desensitize a future Triple Crown winner. And not too far off from me is an enclosure where mares and their foals graze and lazily move about.

When I reach the fence line, I act as if no time has passed and invite myself to hop up and take a perch on it. From where I sit, I can see movement within the segregated stables. A moment later, Hunter comes out—black hat on, t-shirt removed and tucked into the back pocket of his jeans, boots no doubt scuffed and covered in dust and caked mud—a bale of hay in each hand that he throws into the feeder. He takes his time to loosen them up, moving everything about and turning it over to combine what’s new with what was already there.

The clicking of his tongue behind his teeth alerts an obsidian colored mare who makes her way over to him, a small carbon copy of her beauty following at her hip. He runs his hand down her mane several times, quietly talking to her before leaving her be.

With his teeth, he pulls off one of his gloves and takes out his phone, punching away at the screen. It’s when he tucks it back into his front pocket that he finally notices me.

“What are you doin’ out here, Tinsley?”

I give him the most insincere smile I’m in possession of and wave, “Hello to you too, Hunter,” before hopping down and meeting him halfway. “How’ve you been?”

His eyes narrow down at me, and even though I have to tilt my head back to keep eye contact, I don’t feel cowed while under his scrutiny.

When he doesn’t play along, I say, “Well let me tell you how I’ve been. Let’s see,” I muse. Then counting things off on my fingers, I list, “As of this year I’ve won eleven Grammys and two CMAs; I’m a household name, recognized around the world; I’ve been on tour—my most successful ever and one of the most successful in the industry—for seven months now; I had a little blip of bad press when keying Corey’s car was live streamed last week but whatever, he had it comin’ but shh,” I hush. “You didn’t hear me say that. I also released my seventh studio album this year which,wow,who knew it was gonna be such a banger? Certainly not me. After all, I just, ‘prance around in sparkly dresses and sing silly little songs like a bubble headed doll.’ Right? That’s what you said? Don’t worry, I don’t need you to repeat it, it has sadly lived rent free in my mind for the last nine years. Remind me to forward you my therapy bills when we’re done here.”

I snap my fingers and add “Oh, and before I forget, I’ve been living with a broken heart for the last decade, mourning what I thought was the loss of the love of my life. But I didn’t really lose him, did I, Hunter?” His continued silence pisses me off, and I startle a poor horse as I yell, “Did I?” demanding he answer me.

“Youlefthim,” he seethes. “In the middle of the goddamn night.”

“I did what I thought was best for us!”

“No, you did what was easiest for you, Tinsley.”

“I was eighteen! We were hurtling towards a future I hadn’t planned on and it terrified me. I didn’t think I’d be strong enough to still leave if I had to look at him when it was time. But instead of letting us work through it, you broke us! You brokehim.”

Hunter steps into the volatile storm I’ve brought with me and hisses, “We both know he’s not cut out for your life in L.A. You would’ve broken him in the end anyway. I just sped it along in order to protect him.

“And turns out I was right. What was it, three months, six, before you were fuckin’ around with that guy you went on tour with? Didn’t seem like you were all that heartbroken.

“Meanwhile, my brother was here having a goddamn shrine built out on the lake for you and makin’ himself look like a fool by sayin’ the tabloids were just makin’ shit up about you.”

I can’t help the humorless laugh that bubbles up. It’s manic and ugly, but I can’t stop it now that it’s free. It consumes everything in its path until it dies off as suddenly as it arrived, not unlike a tornado wreaking havoc through small towns.

The stillness in me right after should be a warning, but Hunter isn’t aware of it until my fist collides with his solar plexus, making him double over with the wind flying free from his lungs. Mikey and John would be proud.

“You’ll find I’m not so easily intimidated now, Hunter. So don’t fuck with me again. I love Archer, and we’re gonna be together. So either get on board or learn to fake it for his benefit. You understand?”

He attempts to stand upright but can’t, his breath still coming to him with labored wheezes. “Are you gonna tell him?”

I don’t even have to think about it. The truth of the matter is, as messed up as it was, Hunter did us a favor, and as angry as I am and as angry as I may always be over the time we lost, we needed these years apart. Because I know in my heart of hearts that had we stayed together, I would have been running back here every chance I could to see him instead of making myself into the success that I am. My music career wouldn’t have received every shard of my heart and soul that remained. As my everything, Archer would have been my focus with the entire world coming in a distant second. But with bitter thanks to Hunter, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if Archer’ll have me back, I can be with him now with absolutely zero space for regrets and what ifs to try and grow in.

“No, I’m not. And not for you or for me, but for Archer. I think we can both agree this is one thing he doesn’t need to know about.

“Now lay on your back,” I say, heading for the stables. “It’ll open up your chest and help with your breathing.”

Inside, I grab the keys to the side by side Hunter has tossed on a table and get into the utility vehicle, jerking between speeding and slamming on the breaks as I go. Maybe while I’m here, I’ll add re-learning how to drive to the list of things I want to do.

When I get back up to the converted offices, I have every intention of tossing the keys into the back bucket and leaving. But I catch a glimpse of Archer’s profile through his office windows—glasses on and pen in his teeth, reclining back in his chair with his arms stretched over his head. I can’t resist.

Shoving the keys into the pocket of my jean shorts, I make my way inside with a single-minded purpose. At his open door, I don’t bother to knock and continue in.

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