Page 2 of Under My Skin

Well, what I’mtryingto do. The pottery side is done. I’m just working on the other stuff.

I’m happy, though. Even with no romance or male companionship, my life brings me joy. I have great parents, great friends, and I get to do what I love.

So what if I never catch the attention of Cameron Dylan?I’m fine.

Even if I could make him see me as more than his next-door neighbor, he has been through a lot lately. The last couple of years—months, especially—have not been kind to him. And what he needs most right now is the support of his family and friends and the town.

“Seriously, though, you need to stop thinking of yourself as some ogre. You’re so much more than what you give yourself credit for.” Lia turns to me, hands on her hips, giving me the sternest look she can muster. “He would be lucky to have you, Lizzie Montgomery.”

“I’m not an ogre—thank you for that comparison, by the way. I’m a little self-conscious, like everyone out there. And the women he’s photographed with are nothing like me.” I break eye contact with her and walk away from the front door and our loitering behavior. “You can’t deny that.”

Lia huffs out a breath before she grabs my shoulders to stop me from retreating.

“You’re right, Lizzie. They are nothing like you. You live life as it is—unfiltered.” I start to turn around, but Lia stops me again, this time taking on a gentler tone when she speaks. “I’m not trying to sound too much like your mom right now, but you’re beautiful inside and out. I honestly think you fail to realize how much attention you get because you’ve only had eyes for one person since you were twelve.”

I muster up my most comforting smile so my best friend doesn’t realize I’m about to cry my eyes out over what she just said. She really is the best.

“I don’t think he and I are going to end up together. I’m not holding out for him or anything.” She continues to hold my gaze with a concerned look, so I continue in my quest to ease her worry. “It’s just…No one has caught my eye or made me wish for more, and I don’t want to waste my time with somebody I can’t see a future with. You know?”

“I don’t feel like you give anyone a chance. What about Brian the firefighter?” Before I can reply, she continues, “He’s handsome and funny and has a great body, and he’s asked you outtwicealready.”

“There’s no spark. He’s good-looking, especially with all those muscles, and he’s a great guy, but I feel absolutely nothing for him when we interact.” I move deeper into the house toward the kitchen as I talk. “I’m just not attracted to him like that. I don’t have the urge to jump his bones. He doesn’t make me want to climb him like a tree.”

Once we get to the kitchen, I turn around to make sure Lia is still following me because she’s not one to keep quiet for long, and that’s when I notice her resigned facial expression.

“What? Shouldn’t I be sexually attracted to someone if I’m thinking about dating them? What happens when it comes time to do the deed and I’m not into it? I mean, that would be crazy awkward. Can you imagine?” I try and fail to lighten the mood.

“I just think you have to give people a chance sometimes. See if something starts to brew. You don’t want to be a virgin forever, Liz.” Lia says the last part under her breath, hoping to get a rise out of me.

“For the record, I amnota virgin, and you know it,” I whisper-shout in case my parents are suddenly within hearing distance.

“That onesexual encounteryou had doesn’t count. You told me how bad it was, and he didn’t even make you come,” she whisper-shouts in return.

Fine, he didn’t make me come, but I didtechnicallylose my virginity, i.e., he was in there. The whole thing was so embarrassing and awkward, though. He asked me if I came too—who asks that?—and I just mutteredyesand left as quickly as I could.

I never spoke to him again.

That experience alone, four years ago, shows my need for a spark. If I’m being honest, I didn’t really like Derek, but I was hellbent on cashing in my V-card. I was visiting Lia at college for a weekend during her sophomore year, and he was a friend of one of her friends. He was nice enough, I guess, but I should have known he would be selfish in bed. He barely even kissed me.

So yeah, thatcannothappen again. I want the lust and the butterflies and the urge to rip his clothes off. And I won’t settle for less.

“Honestly, why are we even talking about this?” I throw my head back, tired from this conversation. “I’m sure I will meet the right person some day and have amazing sex in some over-the-top, romance-novel fashion, but until then, I’m not wasting my time on guys who don’t do it for me.”

“Fine.” Lia barely gets the word through her teeth with how hard she’s grinding them in annoyance.

“Fine,” I volley back just so I can have the last word, knowing that will annoy her even more.

We mumble goodbyes and go our separate ways. I’m glad Lia is back home for the summer before she starts her master’s degree in the fall, but I can already tell she is going to want to push me out of my comfort zone even more now.

I decide to skip dinner and instead grab a few snacks from my parents’ pantry before heading next door to my apartment, which was converted from our old barn and turned into the most luxurious space for me to live and work. It may not seem like much, but it’s everything I need and want.

It’s my safe place. My retreat. And it allows me to stay close to my parents and be on the farm. Exactly where I love to be.

I try to decompress with a little reading, hoping it will take my mind off my crappy love life and dead-end crush. Maybe it’s time to move on from my Cameron Dylan fantasy and put myself out there. Maybe a spark does take time, and I need to give other guys a chance.

Before sleep takes me, I decide that I’m going to do just that.

Unfortunately, my mind plagues me all night with the possibly foreshadowing dream about dying an old spinster with twenty cats and surrounded by pottery.

---