Page 27 of Under My Skin

We’re barely keeping ourselves from crossing that line. But for some reason, I know I shouldn’t cross it with Lizzie yet.

I mean, not at all. I’m not crossing that line with Lizzie. We’re just friends, and it’s going to stay that way.

By the time we wrap things up on Tuesday night, I feel myself growing obsessed with her. All I think about is Lizzie Montgomery, and I count down the hours till I get to lie on that blanket with her and talk about anything and everything.

I go to bed dreaming about her body and what I want to do to it. How I want to trace her gorgeous breasts with my fingers and dig them into her curvy hips. How I want to sweep her hair over her shoulder and run my tongue up her neck and then kiss every single freckle on her face.

She’s become every fucking dream I ever had. And I never saw her coming.

She blows me away with her knowledge of the most random things, like food and animals and TV shows and movies. She listens when I talk, hanging on every word like she’s interested in what I’m saying. And that hopeless feeling I’ve had since my divorce and my dad dying? It disappears when I’m with her.

Clearly, I can’t get enough of her.

That’s what scares me the most. I’m not sure this is a good thing or a bad thing. Getting attached to someone you know you can’t build a future with is not a smart idea.

At this point in my life, I can’t make any more bad decisions.

Especially not when it comes to her.

I’m not sure how I’d survive that.

13

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Me: I hope you’re ready for Mackenzie and Addy. Their excitement level is through the roof.

Lizzie: Always.

The girlsand I are on our way to Lizzie’s pottery class, and I feel like a teenage boy about to face his crush at the school dance. There are legit butterflies in my stomach, and I can’t figure out a way to get rid of them. I know it’s a bad idea to think about Lizzie like she can be anything more than my young next-door neighbor, but no matter what I tell myself, my mind won’t stop racing at the thought of seeing her again.

In public. Without the cover of darkness and outside that little bubble we somehow created for ourselves.

“Are we almost there, Daddy?” Addy asks from the backseat, breaking into my inner turmoil and giving my guilty conscience a break.

“Just a couple more minutes.” My response is greeted by sighs, as if I just told them we had another two hours ahead of us instead of two minutes. “You girls excited?”

“So excited,” Addy squeals.

“I miss Miss Lizzie. I love when she comes out to help us play in the mud but she said clay was going to be even more awesome! I can’t wait to see her too,” Mackenzie says quietly, though her excitement still shines through as if she screamed it.

It’s comments like this that really make me worry about the damage Renee is causing by walking out on the girls and barely checking in with them. Mackenzie is dying to have a mother figure in her life, like every six-year-old girl would, and as much as I’m trying to step up, I know I’m not enough.

Maybe I should talk to Nikki and get some advice. She’s a great mom, and I see the way Mackenzie looks at her cousins with longing, probably wishing she had a mom who was hosting a sleepover or a barbecue for the whole family.

I need to do better for them.

“I’m sure she can’t wait to see the two of you too,” I respond, since I know she’s excited to see the girls. They get along easily, and she’s so sweet with them. Plus, I see genuine fondness in her eyes when she’s around them. More than Renee showed most of the time.

We park down the street from Lizzie’s studio, and I help the girls out of their booster seats. As we make our way inside, I’m mentally preparing myself to talk to Lizzie and not make it weird between us.

I feel like we’ve been having a secret affair with all our late-night talks. They’re beyond innocent, but we’ve definitely been skirting the lines of flirtation, and I’m worried I’m going to give us away or that people are going to find out somehow. Even though there’s nothing to find out.

I don’t know why I’m overthinking it. Lizzie is a friend, and friends can be close without being intimate. I just need to keep the boundaries in place and everything will be fine. It’s been nice having someone to talk to, and I don’t need to ruin that by trying to get my dick wet. Lizzie isn’t that type of girl, and I have other priorities I need to focus on.

Of course, as soon as I see Lizzie, I can’t contain the smile that spreads across my face when we lock eyes. The girls run to her and hug the hell out of her when she kneels down to squeeze them tight. Addy and Mackenzie are all smiles and squeals of excitement. As they should be all the time.

As I watch the three of them, I freeze up. I can’t take my eyes off Lizzie. She’s beautiful without even trying, wearing ripped jeans and a white tank top with her hair thrown up in a messy bun and freckles on full display.