Page 40 of Under My Skin

What I really want is to join her on that blanket and finish what we started the other day. What I need to do, though, is talk to Lizzie and set this whole situation straight. Her couple of days are up—we need to talk.

I take a deep breath and try to calm down my racing heart. I start to unlock the door but pause for a moment to fortify my mind and remind myself of all the reasons why I have to do this.

Lizzie has her whole life ahead of her to be with someone who will sweep her off her feet with romantic gestures and intimate date nights. Not stolen moments at the end of a long day or a secret rendezvous after the girls go to sleep.

She’s the total fucking package and deserves someone who can give her everything. Regardless of the connection we have and how much I know I have it bad for her, my time believing love can fix everything is gone. She shouldn’t be with a broken man.

Because however good it might be, whenever our friends-with-benefits thing ends, it will end in heartbreak. For both of us. So it’s better if we don’t give in to it at all.

I keep telling myself this as I open my back door and start walking toward her.

The sound of my footsteps probably alerts her of my presence, but she doesn’t move.

“Hey, Lizzie.”

“Hey, Cam.”

Cam.

I hate that coming from her. I like it when she calls me by my full name. I stop at the edge of the blanket. “Mind if I join you?”

All she offers is a small smile and moves to the side to give me space. I lie down, and it’s silent again for at least a minute.

“You must be really pissed off at me,” I offer.

“Hm?”

“You never call meCam.Like, ever.”

“Does that bother you?”

I take a moment. “Yes. I like it that you’re the only person who never shortens my name, no matter what. It feels…different.”

She nods at that, and everything goes quiet around us again until I think she’s had enough of the silence.

“Did the girls have fun with their cousins today? It’s all they were talking about at the pottery class on Wednesday.” She turns to me as she speaks, and I momentarily get lost in her green eyes that hide nothing from me. I can see every emotion play out in them. She’s an open book for me. One that I don’t want to put down or finish.

That last thought is sobering and brings my mind back to the reason I came over, so I break eye contact. “The best time. There’s nothing like a five-year-old girl’s birthday party. So muchMy Little Pony. I think I might have nightmares over it.”

She laughs, and it’s like a balm for my soul. It soothes me in the best way, and I never want to stop hearing it.

How the fuck did this happen? How am I so gone for this girl this fast?

“I’m glad they had fun.”

We lie next to each other. Conversation used to flow, but now it’s quiet—except for the sounds of the crickets and our breathing. I smell her lavender shampoo and vanilla lotion that’s always so uniquely her.

I glance over and take her in. Her hair is down and flowy, just like the other night. That warm brown color I see whenever I close my eyes, the strands looking like spun silk against her skin. I’m realizing she rarely wears it down, and I love that she does around me. The thought of any guy seeing it loose around her shoulders like this makes my jaw clench. I know what they would be thinking too. They would be thinking about fisting it in their hands and dragging her lips to theirs. Exactly what I’m thinking about doing right now.

The thought of anyone thinking about my Lizzie like that makes me want to fucking pummel them.

Jesus Christ.My Lizzie. What am I doing right now? I can’t do this.

“Cameron…look, I realize that you were probably caught up in the moment the other night and got carried away with what you said and did. We’re both adults, and I can forget it ever happened. I’m a big girl, and I can handle it. But you actually need to tell me that instead of avoiding me and leaving me on read after flirting with me.” She turns to me, but I can’t face her yet. “I totally get it, I really do. We can just be friends. No benefits. Rejection doesn’t bother me, but you acting like I don’t exist does.”

Rejection doesn’t bother me, but you acting like I don’t exist does.

I’m completely gutted that I’ve made someone as amazing as Lizzie Montgomery doubt herself.

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