Page 71 of Under My Skin

I feel lighter now that she knows, but I can’t say that my fears feel any less big.

33

LIZZIE

It’s beena month since the girls found me in Cameron’s bed. And it’s been the best month of my life.

Waking up with Cameron almost every day and hanging out with the girls is all so natural. Eating dinner together and playing games. Reading bedtime stories and going to the movies together as a group of four feels like we are an actual family. I know it’s premature to be thinking that, but I just can’t help it.

Cameron trusts me with Addy and Mackenzie, and they come to me with their needs too now. Plus, Nikki and Morgan have embraced me wholeheartedly and treat me even more like a sister than they already did.

My parents have become surrogate grandparents to the girls since Cameron’s parents aren’t around anymore. And it’s not like they ever really had a relationship with Renee’s parents. No surprise there.

What is a surprise is that Renee has been making her calls to the girls every week. They may only last a couple of minutes, and it doesn’t seem like Addy and Mackenzie have enough time to even let her know what they ate for lunch, but she’s calling. That’s something. I guess.

Everything has been great, and I should be over the moon, but something feels…off.

Cameron hasn’t mentioned his gym again at all in the past month. He hasn’t discussed what he plans to do with the farm—in fact, he doesn’t really talk about any plans he has for the future. Not with the farm, not with his gym…and not with us.

Maybe he doesn’t realize it, but he’s still sending mixed signals. He’s attentive and affectionate and says all the right things, but then he’ll hold back at the last second when things seem to be leaning toward feelings. Toward saying those three little words or making long-term plans.

I’ve almost told him I love him on multiple occasions. When we’re watching TV and cuddled up on the couch and life seems amazing. After we’ve had hot sex where he’s the perfect combination of rough and commanding and sweet. Every time he looks at me a certain way and I feel like this is it for me. There’s no doubt in my mind that I’m in love with him.

But it feels like something is holding Cameron back. I don’t know what it is. Or maybe he’s just living in the now and has no care for what’s to come.

Which is fine.

Really, it is.

I love what we have, and I’ll enjoy it for however long it lasts.

Last night was the first night we spent apart in a month, and it was torture. My agent messaged me a few times, so I knew I needed to finish my pieces. I gave it my all. In fact, the only reason I got any sleep without Cameron by my side was sheer exhaustion from working until way too late.

His messages as soon as I started working didn’t help matters, and I wanted to drop everything and run next door.

Cameron: My arms feel empty without you in them, baby.

Me: It definitely feels weird not being cuddled up next to you right now.

Cameron: I don’t think we can do this again. It’s too lonely in this bed. I don’t know if I can sleep without you.

I’m swooning over his last message when another one comes in.

Cameron: If I had you next to me, I’d be making you come so hard right now.

I knew he would do this. He said he would convince me to come back to the house tonight, but I told him it wouldn’t happen because it would be early morning by the time I finished and I didn’t want to risk waking the girls. He’s not fighting fair.

Me: Is that so? And how would you be doing that?

Cameron: By stuffing you full of my cock and filling you with my cum.

Me: You’re killing me! You know what that mouth does to me and you know I have to finish these pieces tonight.

Cameron: Well, I guess I’ll have to think about your tight little pussy squeezing my cock as I jerk myself off without you.

Me: Not fair, Cameron Dylan!

Cameron: I love getting you riled up, baby. I’ll be dreaming about you.

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