Page 74 of Under My Skin

“I guess I don’t know. I thought I did, but maybe I don’t really know you after all.”

“What did she say to you?” Cameron says between clenched teeth. No longer trying to hide his anger.

“You know what, it doesn’t matter.” I can feel myself spiraling, and that weird feeling I’ve had the past few weeks about Cameron is finally overflowing. “I think you need to figure out what you actually want in life, Cam, because you have everything at your fingertips, and you’re letting it all slip away. It’s like you’re holding yourself back for some reason. If you don’t want to be in a relationship, don’t be. If you do, then great, do it. Want to open a gym and stop farming? Go for it. You can do anything you want—you just need to do it. Stop being so wishy-washy and stringing everyone along.”

I regret the last sentence as soon as I say it, but it’s out there now. And I watch his face change from concern to anger.

“It’s that easy, huh?” His body goes rigid. “Are you serious, Lizzie? You’re twenty-four years old with no real-life experience when it comes to relationships or even the real world. You live in a bubble here in Brantley Falls because you’re too scared to leave, and you’re with the same guy you had a crush on when you were a little girl ogling me from her treehouse. What do you know about my life and the decisions I need to make?” he yells.

I feel like I’ve been slapped across the face. Like I’m a little girl being scolded and told to stay out of the adults’ business.

Maybe he’s felt this way the entire time we’ve been together. Maybe he tried to hold himself back from me as much as he could in the beginning for this very reason. I guess it’s a good thing this is happening now. It would have hurt even more when it simmered over later.

Although, it hurts pretty fucking bad right now.

We stand there in silence as everything that’s been said settles between us. I can see Renee on the porch still, watching everything play out in front of her like it’s her own personal soap opera. I need to walk away and end this so she doesn’t get any more pleasure from my pain.

“Fuck. Lizzie, I shouldn’t have said that.” Cameron moves toward me, but I move back with every step forward he takes.

“No, it’s okay. You’re right. I overstepped. Don’t apologize,” I manage to squeak out. I keep my eyes on the ground so he doesn’t see the tears already forming in them. I can’t afford to break down in front of him.

“I didn’t mean it. I’m just pissed off and—” he starts.

“You did, but I’m glad it came out now. Before things between us went any further, not that they were going to, I guess. Bye, Cam. I guess I’ll see you around.”

I turn around quickly and hightail it home. I can hear Cameron behind me, but I don’t slow down. I barely make it inside and lock the door before the tears are already falling.

His fists banging against my door only serve as the background noise to the silent sobs being wretched from my body.

34

CAMERON

Lizzie locked herself inside,and the only option I’m left with is to bang on her door and try to explain myself, hoping she’s listening.

“Please, Lizzie, open the door. I didn’t mean any of that. I’m an idiot for saying it, and if you just hear me out, I can make this all right again.”

My banging and yelling are met with silence. I’ve got to try, though, so I just pray she’s listening on the other side of this door as I talk.

“Listen, Renee showed up late last night unannounced. I told her to book a hotel in town, but the girls woke up and guilted me into letting her stay the night. She slept in the guest room. Nothing happened between us. I’ve barely spoken to her.”

More silence.

“I have no idea what she told you, but I promise you that I would never jeopardize what we have for my ex-wife. She means absolutely nothing to me. You’re everything. You mean everything.”

What the fuck have I done? Every word that Lizzie said was right, and instead of acknowledging the truth of her words, I got defensive and decided to cut her down. I used her insecurities against her and broke every ounce of trust we’ve forged together.

In a matter of minutes, I may have ruined the best thing to ever happen to me.

I need her to listen. To believe me when I say I didn’t mean those things.

When I tell her I love her and that she’s it for me.

I don’t know if any of it matters anymore. But that doesn’t mean I won’t try every day to win her back.

“Cam, can you please leave? Please.” Lizzie’s voice breaks. I can hear the tears in every word, causing my heart to break. I want to tear the fucking door down. “I just need some space right now. I need to get everything ready for tomorrow anyway. I’ll see you and the girls then.”

Fuck. I’m losing her. I can feel it.

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