Page 76 of Under My Skin

I shut the door in her face. I don’t need to hear any more.

Fucking Karen. Fucking Brian.

As the car drives away, I feel like some weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Now I need to talk to my girls to make sure they’re okay and then move on toOperation Get Lizzie Back.

I walk inside and find the girls sitting on the couch with their iPads. They seem to have no idea of what’s even going on, but I know better. Although it may be true for Addy, Mackenzie, on the other hand, is sneakily aware of everything happening and has gotten very good at acting oblivious so she doesn’t upset those around her.

Which I know is what she’s doing right now.

“Hey girls. You okay? I know that was a lot, and I’m sorry you had to see that.” I sit between the two of them and hope I’m not completely fucking them up with all the decisions I’ve been making lately.

“Mom wasn’t very nice to Lizzie,” Mackenzie whispers, still staring down at her iPad without actually watching what’s playing on the screen.

I remove the tablets from their laps and prepare to have a conversation I didn’t think I’d have to again.

“Your mom is going through some stuff, so she isn’t always acting the way she should. She loves you guys very much, but it may be better if she stays away until she’s figured everything out.”

“Okay,” Mackenzie says.

“Okay. But what about Lizzie?” Addy asks.

“Well, I kind of messed up, but I’m going to figure out how to fix things with her. We’ll be okay,” I say, trying to reassure them.

Funny how they don’t seem concerned about everything that went down with their mom, but as I watch their faces, I can see they’re worried about Lizzie. About us. That says a lot, doesn’t it?

Lizzie has been there for them more in the last two months than Renee probably was for their entire lives. They were closer with their nannies than they were with her, which shows how absent she was.

“Is Lizzie still coming over today? She said she was going to. Will she still want us to come tomorrow?” Mackenzie asks shyly.

“Of course she’ll want you to come tomorrow. She wants to show off all your artwork. Lizzie is mad at me, not you girls. You’ve done nothing wrong, I promise. I don’t think she’ll be over today, though.” There’s a bitter taste in my mouth as I say the words.

“Oh. Well, can we still open the gifts she brought us?” Addy asks before grabbing one of two gift bags that I didn’t even notice were by their feet.

“What gifts? Lizzie gave those to you?” I ask, thoroughly confused.

“She gave them to us before Mom said mean things to her and she fell.” Mackenzie doesn’t look at me while she says this. Probably worried she might get in trouble for spying when she shouldn’t have been.

“I’m sorry you heard all that. We adults should have known better. Go ahead and open the gifts. We’ll thank her tomorrow at the art show.” I try to smile to cover up the shame I feel for exposing the girls to all that.

When they do, they each pull out a little stuffed plush of some sort. Addy’s looks like some kind of mutated rodent, while Mackenzie’s is very clearly a horse. Addy squeals with excitement and hugs her creature tight to her chest. Mackenzie, however, just stares at her horse with a mix of longing and love.

“What are those?”

“We made these with mud. The first time Lizzie watched us.” Mackenzie looks up at me with tears in her eyes, now hugging her horse close as well. “I don’t want Lizzie to leave us. I love her. You have to say sorry, Daddy. Please,” she cries.

“Lizzie’s not leaving us, sweetheart. It’ll all be fine.” I wrap my arms around her small shoulders and hug her to my chest, already feeling my shirt dampen from her tear-streaked face.

“But Mommy left us when she was mad,” Addy says, tears filling her eyes as well now.

“That was different, Addy. I promise to get Lizzie back. You don’t need to worry. Now tell me more about these,” I say, pointing at the animals, hoping to distract them from their grief over everything that’s happening.

Both girls start recounting that day at the start of summer, weeks ago. Mackenzie talks about how Lizzie complimented her horse over and over again. How she was so sad that it would be destroyed the next time it rained and how she wished she could keep it forever.

And I know.

I know Lizzie, being the most thoughtful and kind person she is, somehow took pictures of their creations to surprise Addy and Mackenzie with them today. Probably to reassure them before the art show tomorrow, where the girls will be displaying their work to friends and family.

She showed up for my daughters when she didn’t have to. She makes them feel special every day with words of praise and encouragement. With small acts of kindness like braiding their hair or reading them stories.

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