Page 77 of Under My Skin

Instead of wanting to spend time alone with me and getting a sitter for Addy and Mackenzie, she chooses to do things as a family and include the girls as much as possible. We eat dinner together every night or with her parents at their house. We’ve had barbecues with Morgan and Nikki and her family and the guys and Lia. Whatever we do, we do together, and it all comes naturally.

It’s been the best two months of my life. Lizzie made me a better man, a better father, a better brother, a better friend. All she does is subtly push me to fulfill all my dreams. She never oversteps or pressures me to do anything. All she ever does is encourage and support and reassure me of all I’m capable of.

And what did you do?

I annihilated her because I couldn’t handle the truth. I can’t commit. Even though I know she’s mine, I haven’t found the courage to tell her I love her even though I do. I don’t know how to pull the trigger because I’m so scared to fail again.

That stops now.

It’s time to commit to this next chapter of my life.

It’s time I prove to her that I’m so madly in love with her that I won’t accept us not being together.

Because I don’t know what my life—our life—is like without her anymore.

35

LIZZIE

I manageto stop crying at some point so I can call Lia and tell her everything that happened. She insists on coming over and, as much as I want to be strong and tell her she doesn’t need to, I don’t have it in me to fight her.

I hear a knock on my door thirty minutes later before she uses her key to get in. She takes one look at me and then she’s running to embrace me in the tightest hug. It feels nice and comforting, and I can’t help the tears that start to fall again.

Apparently, I can keep up the waterworks even though I don’t want to.

“You’ll get through this, Liz, I promise. We’re going to get answers, and when you’re ready, you’ll confront him and get closure.” She pets my hair like I’m a cat, and I find it oddly calming. “Maybe after you hear him out and talk, you guys can work things out. This all might be just a small speed bump in your journey. Or,” I feel her shrug. “I can castrate him on your behalf. That works for me.”

I laugh because she’s the best friend ever—and because she sounds so serious I actually fear for Cameron’s junk. But part of me feels like I should have seen this coming.

Life was too perfect this summer. Everything was so easy and seamless with Cameron and the girls. We seemed to be in this bubble of happiness, but, looking back, I can see that I was far ahead of Cameron in the feelings department.

I went and fell head over heels in love while he was…in lust, I guess? He was never shy about claiming me in front of people and wanting me around. He integrated me into all aspects of his life and seemed happy with our relationship. But he was never all in, which seems fair considering what he’s been through, but I shouldn’t have to pay for what his ex did.

I wanted him to trust me enough not to hold back, but I realize now that he may never be able to do that. Even if what Renee said were lies, it seems obvious to me that whatever we had would have fizzled out with time.

Maybe this is for the best.

“I’ve been thinking…” I start, sitting up from where Lia was holding me and dry my eyes the best I can with the bottom of my shirt. “Maybe I should try Chicago. I don’t think I’ll be able to live next door to him after this. I wouldn’t know how to act. Plus, he’ll eventually bring someone new around, and I can’t be here when that happens.”

“You hate Chicago. You never wanted to leave here, so don’t let Cam fuck up your life, Liz. Plus, while I’m on your side, he said it wasn’t over, so maybe you should believe him. And, if you moved away, you’d never see Addy and Mackenzie and you’d miss them.”

“I would miss them.” I find myself smiling. “I will…I will miss him too. It’s funny. I’ve felt different since Cameron and I got together. It’s like he calmed me and grounded me, and I wasn’t flustered and floundering all the time. Until Renee happened.”

“Lizzie, no. Fuck her. Renee’s a jealous bitch who showed up to cause trouble and managed to do just that. Don’t give her the satisfaction. Don’t let her drive you and Cam apart.”

“I don’t want to, but I keep going back to how did she know that stuff? He had to have told her, and there’s no scenario in which he was defending our relationship. It was only meant to be cruel.”

“I’m not convinced that’s what happened. You need to talk to him and get down to the bottom of it. You both deserve that.” She looks me in the eye. “If it’s over because you two don’t work out, then it is. You’ll move on. But because of something his ex said? Nah, girlfriend. I want to hear his side of the story.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be on my side? You’re my best friend, not his,” I mock-yell, even though there’s some hurt behind it. Why is she defending him so much?

“I am on your side. Didn’t you heard me when I said I’d castrate him?” She takes my hand. “Liz, I want you to be happy and sexed up and loving life, and I’ve only seen you doing all that with Cam. You’ve never been happier, and that’s all I want for you. You’re complete with him and the girls. I don’t want you throwing your happily ever after away because of a stupid misunderstanding spurred on by his cunt of an ex-wife.” Lia is standing now, all fired up. “Come on. We’re going to have a girls’ night at Ellie’s place. We’ll watch some rom-coms and order takeout sushi and gorge on popcorn and candy. You can cry all your tears out on our shoulders before you see him tomorrow.”

I don’t really have it in me for a girls’ night, but I know I probably need one. Getting my mind off everything, or at least trying to, feels like the best thing to do.

The next thing I know, my best friend is dragging me to the bathroom and throwing me into the shower. I go along without a fight, feeling numb from all the crying and emotional overload, but I can admit that it made me feel a tiny bit better.

I dress in comfy sweats and pack some toiletries and a change of clothes for the sleepover, then Lia and I make our way outside to her car. I don’t look at Cameron’s house for fear of catching a glimpse of him and breaking down again, but I do see my parents sitting on their front porch, concern lacing their features.