Page 8 of Under My Skin

I saw how bad she wants me, and it felt good.

Really good.

It made me wish I could have taken her upstairs and gotten both of us clean. Turn on the shower, strip her out of her muddy shorts and shirt, and watch the water slide down her body like my own personal show. Lick her clean and then get her dirty all over again. What I wouldn’t give for that.

Wait, what?

I need to shut this down. Icannotbe imagining Lizzie Montgomery naked in my shower. I can’t be imagining her naked anywhere. It’s absolutely the worst thing that can happen.

While simultaneously being the best.

No. I can’t go there.

What I can pay attention to is the fact that the girls seem to like her. Both seemed completely comfortable, and I saw Mackenzie giving her a hug when I was driving up. Totally out of the norm for her lately. She’s been so closed off and reserved around anyone outside of our immediate family since the divorce, so this means something.

I’m seeing it as a good thing. A sign that things are looking up, and maybe I did make the right decision moving back home to Brantley Falls after all.

The girls are excited about Lizzie’s pottery class, too. The look in their eyes when they brought it up and asked if they could go was enough for me to say yes without knowing anything about it. I’d do anything to see that look on their faces all the time.

Even get the layers of caked-on mud cleaned off their clothes and their skin. A harrowing task I’m still trying to get the hang of.

Lizzie wasn’t fazed by any of the mess. It was almost like she welcomed it—and not just because she works with clay for a living and is probably used to throwing her clothes in the washer every day. It was like she was okay with doing whatever it took to see the girls happy. Like it was all that mattered. Unlike my ex-wife, who would never allow a speck of dirt near her regardless of the occasion.

Even if they are her kids.

It’s moments like this that make me remember that conversation I had with my dad days before Mackenzie was born. When my head was all messed up and I just needed some clarity, so I came home. I needed to know everything would be alright. And I knew my dad would get me, because he always did.

“You ever look back on your life and think that you took a wrong turn somewhere along the way?” I asked him.

“I can’t say I have. I wish some things were different, but I’ve lived a good life,” my dad said reflectively.

“I don’t know if it’s because I’m about to be a dad, but I’ve been thinking about what I thought I wanted and what I have, and I guess I just envisioned something else.”

“Having kids will do that to you.” He kept quiet because he knew he could get me talking that way. Just by making a comment.

And he wasn’t wrong.

“I saw an easy life. I saw myself playing football and then retiring with a lot of money and moving back home. Bringing the wife and kids here to be around family. Right now…I don’t know if that will ever happen. Renee hates it here and will never want us to leave the city. She doesn’t even seem that excited about the baby. She complains about everything. Nothing is ever good enough, and it seems like everything I do is the opposite of what she wants.”

I ran my fingers through my hair out of frustration. Everything had been weighing so heavily on me. Like I was on the outside looking in and screaming at myself to do things differently.

“I think…maybe I made a mistake marrying Renee. I thought it would all fall into place. And maybe things will get better after we have the baby. I don’t know. I just don’t know anymore, Dad.”

“You’re a smart man, Cam. It may not seem like everything makes sense right now, but it will someday.”

“Do you ever regret any big decisions you made?” I asked, and he smiled.

“Everyone does. But in the end, those bad decisions led me to what I have now, and I can’t say I resent that. Sometimes you have to go through the bad to enjoy the good.”

He leaned over and patted my shoulder, ending it with a squeeze that comforted me more than he’d ever know.

“If you say so, Dad. I miss this. I miss a simpler life.” I sighed. “But yeah, things will get better. There’s just a lot on our plates right now. We’ll get back on the same page eventually.”

“I wish your mom was here to see you and all you’ve accomplished. She would be so proud. I couldn’t have asked for a better son.” I saw the shine in my dad’s eyes and couldn’t help but get emotional. “And I know you’ll find your happiness. You deserve it.”

Muddy hands, grabbing at my arms, snap me out of the memory. I miss my dad. I couldn’t have asked for a better dad, and I’ll always be grateful for him.I wish he were here right now.

Looking down, I see Addy slathering mud all over my arms like some sort of mud mask.

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