Page 81 of Under My Skin

“Where else would I be when my best friend needs me?” Lia puts her car in park and then leans over and wraps me in the tightest hug, squeezing all the air out of me, just like we’ve done since we were kids. “Promise me you’ll talk to him? You both deserve that,” she whispers in my ear and adds, “And then let me know about the castration. I’ll be ready.”

I laugh at that and nod because I’m feeling too emotional and don’t trust myself to answer her out loud. When I get out of the car, I glance over at Cameron’s house, noticing his truck is gone and sighing in relief for some more moments of peace.

As soon as I close the door behind me, I beeline for my bed upstairs and get under the covers. I don’t know if all the crying has made me tired or if sleeping is just an easy way to escape reality, but regardless, I doze off for a couple of hours. I check my phone once I clamber out of bed and notice Ellie texted saying she wouldn’t be able to make it to the art show tonight because she had to cover a shift for someone who called out sick.

I was looking forward to her being there, and, selfishly, I need as much support as possible right now.

After reading her message, I decide it’s finally time to look at the ones Cameron sent me.

Cameron: I’m sorry. I know that I’ll never be able to say this enough, but I need you to know that I regret everything I said. I meant none of it. You have to believe me.

Cameron: You mean everything to me and I won’t stop fighting for you. For us. When you’re ready to talk, I’ll make this right.

Reading the words on the screen sends me into another crying fit, and I don’t answer because I honestly don’t know how to. Part of me wants him to fight for me and what we have. The other part of me thinks that it isn’t worth the trouble—thatI’mnot worth the trouble.

When I’m alone, that’s where my brain goes. When I was with Ellie and Lia, it was easy to shove those thoughts to the back of my mind. Without them, I make myself believe he said what he said because deep down inside, he feels that way. And if he feels that way, it was never going to last.

I jump in the shower and try my best to cover up the bags under my eyes with concealer. Newsflash, I’m not successful. I throw on a pair of leggings and a baggy shirt and then pack a change of clothes for later. I grab a granola bar and a bottle of water from my kitchen, and before I know it, it’s time to leave and set up for tonight.

After driving to my studio, I spend the next two hours putting on all the artwork that the kids created on display. I’ve transformed the space into a makeshift art gallery, and it makes me happy to see all the raw talent being shown off. I walk around and admire all the hard work and creativity that the kids put into it. I’m so proud, and it just confirms that working with kids is what I was meant to do.

It gets me thinking that if I move to Chicago, I won’t be able to do it anymore, and it makes me really sad. And mad.

Why did I have to fall in love with him and his girls?

The thought of losing Addy and Mackenzie breaks my heart just as much as losing Cameron. They’re the brightest, sweetest, smartest kids I’ve ever met, and I don’t know how I’ll be able to cope with not having them in my life.

Having them near me every day but not being there with them will be too much. I just know it. Which is why I know I have to leave. Or at least try. Even though I’m worried that this may affect the girls. I don’t want them to feel abandoned again either.

But if I stay, I’m afraid I’ll become the delegated babysitter or theold friendwho’s always available to help. And I won’t even be able to say no because I love Addy and Mackenzie and I love spending time with them.

I have ten minutes left before all the kids and their families arrive, so I run to the back and change into a pretty floral dress and brown wedge heels. My hair is up already, so I mess with it a little, making it look like a more natural and looser updo before I head back up front.

I hear the door open and turn around, thankful it’s just Lia, her hands full of coffee and pastries from Francine’s. Trailing behind her is Ellie, and I’m suddenly feeling emotional again at having my supportive friends here.

“I thought you had to work tonight, Ellie.”

“I do, but I had to make an escape for a few minutes. Liam has been sitting in the bakery all afternoon just watching me. He seriously won’t take no for an answer.” She looks exhausted in daylight, and I’m not sure if it’s due to Liam’s relentless behavior or all the hours she puts in at Francine’s, but something has got to give soon. Even last night didn’t seem to help her at all.

“Would that be such a bad thing, Els? I mean, he hasn’t given up pursuing you, and it’s been two months. Maybe you should give him a chance,” Lia advises.

“No. No, it will never work out. We’re way too different, and he thinks I’m someone I’m not. He’ll give up soon.” The way she says all this makes me sad. I can see the longing looks she gives Liam when he’s not looking and the sparkle in her eyes whenever he’s even brought up.

I don’t know the details of what went down with them in Chicago when they first met, but I do know that she had just come out of a bad breakup, and her ex made her feel like absolute shit. Maybe she’s letting that hold her back.

I just want my friend to be happy. I know Liam is a great guy, but for some reason, she doesn’t think she deserves that happiness with him.

I exchange a look with Lia that meansWe have to do something.But then she opens her mouth, and what comes out of it is not the upbeat encouragement I was expecting.

“Well, maybe we can form some kind of lonely girls club and talk about all the shitty things guys do and how we’d get back at them if we ever had the chance.” Lia says all nonchalantly while sipping her iced coffee.

Wait, what?

I’m suddenly concerned that I’ve missed something big. Her tough, badass exterior is a mask, but I can usually see through it. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own life, though, that I’ve been a terrible friend.

“Is this about that professor? Why have you been acting like it was no big deal? You seemed happy that it ended.”

“I am happy. But it hurt, and I’m not looking forward to having to see him and interact with him on a daily basis once the semester starts.”

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