Page 83 of Under My Skin

“I’m not ready. I have a lot to say, and I feel like none of it will come out the way I want it to right now.” I brace myself against the table so I don’t give in to my body’s urge to lean back into him. To feel his warmth and closeness and breathe in his scent from the source.

“Baby, I can’t let you go. I’ll never be able to let you go. What I said was horrible, and I understand why you’d want nothing to do with me, but I’ll never stop fighting for you. You have to know that.”

“How would I know that? Our relationship was superficial. You’ve staked your claim on me, yet you’ve never really told me how you feel.” I turn around now because I can’t keep talking to the table. I’m not that big of a coward. “Except yesterday. You expressed how you felt about me yesterday. Your timing and delivery may have sucked, but I did appreciate the honesty for once.”

“I didn’t mean any of that?—”

“You still said it,” I interrupt. “You didn’t just pull it out of thin air. It’s what held you back in the beginning, and it’s what’s still holding you back now.”

“Lizzie—” he tries again, but I quickly cut him off, needing to get everything out now that I’ve started.

“I’m in love with you, Cameron Dylan. And I love your girls and what we’ve been doing these past couple of months. But I let myself fall too hard for the fantasy life we’ve been living. And I know that’s on me and not you. I know where you stood regarding us and what we were and weren’t. I played a part in messing this up too, so I’m not mad at you or blaming you.”

I’m met with silence, and I immediately regret telling him how I feel. I shouldn’t have said that I loved him. I should have kept that part to myself. Now I’m going to be met with a look of pity every time we see each other moving forward.

“Look, I’m trying to make this easier for you. Just a clean break. I can’t take back what I just said, nor do I want to, but maybe let’s just sweep it under the rug and not bring it up.” I’m looking down now, too afraid he’ll see the embarrassment and hurt all over my face.

“I don’t want that, Lizzie,” he says quickly, but I cut him off again because I know I’ll break down if he says something sweet just to placate my feelings.

“Listen, I think some space will be good for us. It’ll let everything blow over. When I’m not in your life every day, you’ll see that I never actually had a long-term place in it. We can just go back to being neighbors, and I can help out with the girls whenever you need me to.”

I’m met with another bout of silence and wish the floor would swallow me whole again.

Without a backward glance, I rush to the back room and close the door behind me. I need to leave and get away from Cameron. Going away for a few days is definitely the right call. In the meantime, today, I’ll hide out in here until I know the coast is clear.

Except when I move to close the door, Cameron’s foot is there. He pushes his hand against the wood too, stopping me from escaping. My eyes go from his foot to his hand to his face. He looks…determined?

“No, Lizzie. You don’t get to tell me you love me and my girls and then in the same breath ask me to forget I ever heard it. That’s not going to work.” I open my mouth to speak, but he holds his other hand out. “No. Now it’s time you listen. The girls are in love with you. The number of times they asked me where you were and if you’d be sleeping over… They want you there. With us. You belong with us.”

I gather my courage and try again. “Camer?—”

“But more than that…I love you, Lizzie. I keep saying the wrong things over and over and hurting you, but I love you.” He runs his hand through his hair. “I’ll be at your house tonight so we can talk. Please let me in. That’s all I’m asking.”

Then he moves away, goes to the girls and tells them something that gets them all excited, and suddenly they’re out the door.

And I’m still standing there, holding the doorknob as those four words keep playing in my head.

I love you, Lizzie.

38

LIZZIE

I drove home in a daze.

When I told Lia and Ellie what had happened, they squealed. And I mean squealed. Which was so out of character for both of them that I know how happy they are for me.

Me? I’m processing it.

I got here, took a shower, and I’ve been staring at flights on my computer for the last ten minutes. I texted my agent during the art show and told her I was going to go to Chicago for a few days and be present at the gallery when my newest project goes on display for the first time. She was, of course, ecstatic and already said she was going to use this time to convince me to move there.

But I’m not going anywhere.

Yes, it’s Cameron’s fault and those stupid four words. But it’s also…me.

As much as I’d like to be the person who moves away, I’m not. I’m a small-town girl through and through, and nothing is going to change that. Plus, I promised Mackenzie I wouldn’t leave, and I’m not betraying that little girl.

I love you, Lizzie.

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