He stopped, turning to face me fully.His dark eyes searched mine, concern evident in the slight furrow of his brow.“Too much?”
The question hung between us, heavy with implications.Was this life too much?Was he too much?For a moment, I considered the simplicity of my existence before Azrael -- my job, my small circle of… well not friends, but acquaintances, the predictable rhythms of my days.It had been comfortable.Safe.
But it had never made me feel the way I did when I was with him -- alive, seen, breathless with possibility.
“No,” I said finally, meeting his gaze steadily.“Not too much.Just… intense.”
Something in his expression relaxed, though the concern remained.“We don’t have to do the family night thing right away.Scratch and the others will understand.”
“But it’s important, isn’t it?”I pressed.
Azrael nodded slowly.“In this life… yeah.It matters.Tells everyone you’re under my protection.That you’re mine.”He paused, his jaw tightening slightly.“But that doesn’t mean we have to rush it if you’re not ready.”
The ride back to Azrael’s house was silent.I clung to his back, my cheek pressed against the leather of his cut, the embroidered Devil’s Boneyard patch rough against my skin.The wind whipped around us, carrying away my jumbled thoughts almost as quickly as they formed.
By the time we pulled into his driveway, the sun cast long shadows across the house.Azrael killed the engine and helped me off the bike before dismounting himself.Neither of us spoke as we walked to the front door.
Inside, the familiar scent of leather, sandalwood, and something uniquely Azrael enveloped me.The house was sparsely but thoughtfully furnished -- comfortable couch, solid wood coffee table, bookshelves filled with an eclectic mix of titles that had surprised me when I first saw them.This was a home, not just a place to sleep.
Without thinking, I made my way to the couch and sank down onto it, suddenly aware of how tense my body had been.Azrael moved to the kitchen, returning moments later with two glasses of water.He handed one to me before taking a seat close enough for our knees to touch.
“Talk to me,” he said simply.
I took a sip of water, organizing my thoughts.“They were… Not unfriendly, exactly, but…”
“Cautious,” Azrael supplied.“They’re protective of the club.Of me.”
“They warned me about club girls,” I said, watching his face carefully.“Said they might try to stake a claim on you when I’m around.”
Something darkened in his expression.
“Should they be a problem?”I asked, the question that had been nagging at me finally surfacing.“Do you have history there I should know about?You said you hadn’t been with any of them in the last year, but that doesn’t mean you never have.I guess what I’m really asking is… are these the same women who were at the clubhouse when you did sleep with some of them?”
“They won’t be a problem.I’ll make that clear.”Azrael set his glass down and took mine from my hands, placing it beside his on the coffee table.Then he took my hands in his, his touch gentle despite the calluses that roughened his palms.“I’ve never brought a woman to meet the club before.Never introduced anyone as mine.There’ve been women, yes.I’m not going to lie about that.But nothing serious, nothing that mattered.Not in a long-ass time.”
I noticed he didn’t exactly answer my question.Which made me think at least one of those women had been with him before.It was silly to worry about it.Like he said, he hadn’t touched them in a year.He was with me now.That’s all that should matter but…
“How long?”I asked before I could stop myself.
“When I was just a Prospect for this club, I’d been dating someone seriously.Even back then, I wouldn’t walk away from a woman in trouble.It came back to bite me in the ass.My girlfriend ended up dead because of me.”
I reached up and placed my hand on his cheek, wishing I could take away his pain.Even now, all this time later, I could see the anguish in his eyes.“I doubt she blamed you.”
“Doesn’t matter.I blame myself.”His dark eyes held mine, unwavering.“You matter, Zara.That’s why I took you there today.That’s why Scratch and Clarity are talking about family night.”
The intensity of his gaze made it hard to breathe.“We’ve only known each other a few days,” I reminded him, though even to my own ears it sounded weak.
A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.“Time works differently in this life.When you know, you know.”
“And you know?”I whispered.
His hand came up to cup my cheek, thumb tracing the curve of my bottom lip.“I knew the moment you looked at me in that alley and met my gaze without flinching.When most people look at me, they see what they’re afraid of.You saw me.”
I leaned into his touch, remembering that moment.I’d realized who he was, known I’d be safe.
“I’m still learning what all this means,” I admitted.“The club, your role in it, what it means to be with you.”
“I know,” he said.“And I’ll give you all the time you need.But I want you to understand something.”His voice dropped lower, an edge of steel beneath the velvet.“I’ve done things that would horrify most people, and I’ll likely do them again.That’s who I am, Zara.That’s part of what you’re accepting by choosing this life with me.”