Page 42 of A Touch Of Death

"You're full of shit, man," Nix proclaims. I know exactly what's to come now, so I drop my head back and glare at the stupid ceiling. "You're hung up on her just as much as we are, but it's like you don't want to be. Or, it's not so much you don't want to be, you're just keeping her at arms length, and I don't have a single fucking clue why you're doing it."

I don't answer. What do I say to that? I don't want to have to explain my reasoning. I already feel enough of an idiot. I think I'll bypass my inner musings on the topic of wanting Novia.

"What's he talking about, Ez?" Spencer asks, genuine confusion evident in his voice.

Nix doesn't wait for me to answer. Oh no, the animal takes matters into his own hands and answers for me. "I mean, Ezra likes Novia, but he's pushing her away. First, he was cold towards her, but slowly started warming up. Then he quit cold turkey and started ignoring her, pretending she wasn't even in the same damn room as him. And now he's talking to her again, but I can still practically see the wall he's built that's separating him from her. I want to know why because it's clearly making you miserable."

Itismaking me miserable. It's screwing with my head more than anything has ever done before. But how can I tell them that nothing will ever happen between Novia and I when I can't even bond to her like the others can? I've never met a demon in my existence who has ever bonded. It's said that demons can’t bond at all. Being an incubus means that I won't bond to anyone. I won't find my mate or link or create a blood bond. Even though I feel the tugging of the mating bond she created, I have nothing to offer her in return.

In short, I'm replaceable.

But I'll be damned if I tell them that. I don't need their pity or sympathy. We haven't known thefae long enough for me to warrant these thoughts, anyway. I'd rather keep them to myself, so I'm not at risk of being made a fool of.

"You don't know what you're talking about. Now, if you'll excuse me," I tell them both, putting my mind on the task at hand, clattering and banging around in the kitchen in hopes they’ll leave me to my thoughts for a little while.

I hear Spencer leave, no doubt heading upstairs. Nix stays behind, much to my exhaustion. "Ezra, you can talk to me, man. I don't see a problem here that you're not creating. You like her, and if what I saw through the window is anything to go by, she likes you too. You already feel the mating bond between the two of you, so what's the deal?"

At the end of my tether, I sigh heavily and turn to face him fully. "The deal is that I'm not what she needs. That much is glaringly obvious. If I was, I'd be able to bond with her the way she's tethered to us. But I can't and won't ever be able to. If I was meant for her, just as the three of you seem to be, I’d have some kind of bond to her too. Demons don't mate, though. So you can understand why I'm miserable when the first woman I've ever truly wanted can't be mine in any sense of the word. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have dinner to prepare."

"Ez-" he starts, but I'm done with sharing my feelings. I didn't even mean to give him that much, but it's too late to take it back now.

"Nix, please drop it. I don't want to talk about it. It'll pass."

The room goes quiet for a moment until I hear him sigh. I can feel his disappointment as though it were my own, but I don't acknowledge it. I have enough of my own disappointment to deal with. I don't need the shifter's added on top of it. His footsteps leave the room a moment later, leaving me alone in the kitchen to think about these feelings I have for thefae and whether they will ever actually pass, or if I'm going to be left to suffer with them for whoever knows how long.

Only time will tell, I guess.

Chapter 20

Novia

Zaynand I stop at his room to gather some books that might help in understanding my abilities and how I have them at all.

"There's a book I'd like you to read at some point. Maybe that will give you some answers I'm not able to provide," Zayn comments as he walks towards the shelves lined with more books than I've ever seen in one place before.

I watch him pick out several books, stacking them in his arms as he animatedly talks about their contents, but I'm not really paying much attention to so much of what he's saying. Instead, I'm focusing on the way his voice sounds as smooth as satin, how it relaxes me instantly. I focus on the way he moves across the room, not overly confident but enough so that I know he finds no reason to act any differently than being himself. I watch the way his shirt pulls across his back when he reaches a book on a higher shelf with rapt attention, and the way the toned muscles in his arms bunch up as he carries the stack he's now holding towards me. Normally, Zayn wears button-down shirts or long-sleeved shirts that hide the defined muscles, but the t-shirt he wears today makes them stand out enough that I can't seem to take my eyes off him.

"Novia? Are you okay?" he asks, a small smile pulling up his mouth, though he does try his best to suppress it.

It takes me a minute to realise why he's trying to hide a smile, but when I do, I feel a blush coursing up to my cheeks, and I quickly avert my eyes. I will remember he's a mind reading vampire and learn to cap my thoughts constantly one of these days.

With an awkward head bob that's supposed to be a nod, I tell him, "Yep. Great. I'm fine."

He nods, but the small smile grows. I roll my eyes and head out of his room with my cheeks flaming. Zayn follows close behind me, balancing the stack of books easily as we make our way down the end of the hallway and up the stairs that lead to my room.

Just as we reach the top, and my eyes take a look around, I pause. Since waking up, I haven't really paid much attention to my room, so this is the first time my eyes have raked over its entirety since we left to go shopping.

The whole room is decorated to perfection. My bed has the duvet set Spencer and I decided on. Decorative cushions lie on the floor to the right side of the bed ready to be put back in place, and a white, distressed rocking chair on the left that Spencer occupied before. There are photo frames filled with black and white pictures of dahlias, camellias and irises on the walls with beautiful white fairy lights strung around them. White bookshelves have been built and placed in different parts of the room, along with a bedside table, a vintage distressed vanity, and a television stand where the stupidly large TV Ezra ordered now sits hooked up to all the gadgets a person could need. A grey fluffy rug lies on the floor, and grey and white layered chiffon curtains hang over the large windows. How I didn't notice all of this before is a mystery to me, but it's stunning. It's everything I could have ever wanted and more.

"Your closet is stocked, too. Ezra and I hung and put all of your clothes away. You should check it out when you have a spare minute," Zayn says from behind me.

Realising I've stopped on the stairs while Zayn holds a stack of books in his arms, I move into the room and give him space to place the books down on the bed. I walk closer to the black and white photos, lifting my hand to brush gently over the glass that's protecting the photos underneath.

"Do you like them?" Zayn asks from behind me. Where I'd normally jump at someone sneaking up on me, I find myself relaxing and smiling at the beautiful photographs.

"I love them. Is that where you and Nix disappeared to?"

"That would be the reason. I went searching for the pictures, lights, and curtains, while Nix took on the furniture. All four of us decorated while you recovered," Zayn explains, coming to stand next to me.

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