Page 82 of Storm of Blood and Shadow

“Varex,” says Kyreagan, much too calmly. “What did you do?”

I take a deep breath and meet his gaze. “I swallowed the Mordvorren.”

Kyreagan takes the news much as I thought he would. He’s shocked and concerned, and he shows it by pummeling me with questions in his angriest tones. I answer as many of them as Ican, but since there are so many unknowns, my replies seem to make him more frustrated. As his temper rises, so does mine.

“Enough!” I exclaim at last. “All I know is that this thing, this entity, is taking over me. If Thelise understood it better, if there were any records of what it is or where it came from, perhaps I could combat it more effectively. But we don’t know any of that. So I have to go away, alone, and try to learn how to cope with it. And if I can’t do that… then you may have to kill me.”

“Out of the question!” bellows Kyreagan, so thunderously that I recoil.

“We’re not doing that,” Serylla confirms. “Besides, killing you might just set the Mordvorren loose again, which would be disastrous for everyone.”

She has a point. “So there’s nothing left for me but a lifelong struggle against this evil, far from anyone it could hurt,” I say morosely.

“What about Jessiva?” Serylla asks. “Are you two still in contact? Does she have thoughts or ideas about this?”

“She’s with her family in the capital, where she is safe. Where I can’t hurt her.”

Kyreagan rumbles deep in his throat. “Isn’t she the one who hurt you? That scar on your throat—”

“I did that to myself.” The confession bursts out of me, raw and dark. “I wanted to die.”

My brother draws back, his yellow eyes filled with pain. “Varex…”

“There’s more to what happened in my cave,” I grit out. “Things I can’t tell you. Don’t ask me to speak them aloud. Jessiva was more gracious and generous than any woman should have been, considering what I put her through. She deserves to be rid of me.”

Kyreagan advances so suddenly that I tense, thinking he’s about to attack. But instead, he touches his muzzle to the side of my neck, a sign of affection and respect. I tremble, wanting to flee from his comfort and from the sympathy in Serylla’s eyes.

“What can we do?” she asks. “What do you need from us? Anything we can do for you, we will.”

As I hesitate, unsure how to answer, Kyreagan lifts his head and looks into my eyes, like he’s reading me.

There’s only one thing I want—the one person I cannot have. I don’t want my brother to see how much I crave her, so I avert my gaze from his.

“All I need is to be left alone,” I say tightly. “I’m going to the Twin Fangs for a few days, and if I cannot resolve this or get it under control, I will head farther south, to the deserts of the Southern Kingdoms.”

“But there are dragon hunters there,” Kyreagan objects.

“If they kill me, and the Mordvorren escapes, it will be released above an ocean of sand where it can do some good, not here where it will destroy us all.”

My brother arches his neck, every spike bristling. “I’m not letting you do this.”

“It’s not your decision to make,” I tell him quietly. “I will not say goodbye to the hatchlings, for their safety, but please give them my love.”

“We will.” Serylla’s blue eyes are filled with tears.

“I must go now, while I can think clearly.” I bow to my brother.

“I’ll visit you.” The words tear out of him, as if by leaving I’m ripping away a piece of his heart.

“I look forward to it.” With a beat of my wings, I rise and soar over the mountains, heading south.

Was it my idea to return to the Twin Fangs? I’m not sure anymore. I think perhaps it was the will of the Mordvorren.

I’ve been worse since I landed here, and yet I can’t bring myself to leave. I have the sense that the Mordvorren is stronger on this island for some reason—something to do with the strange odor I smelled when Jessiva and I first arrived. Something lives here, or died here, or festers beneath this place… I don’t know what it is, because it smells like many things I’ve smelled before, and yet nothing quite matches it.

All I know is that the evil beneath this island communes with the entity inside me. They strengthen each other, and I am caught between them, crushed like a soft body between two boulders.

I feel the darkness and pressure even when I’m in human form now. I can’t remember when I last ate. Sometimes I can’t see any part of my surroundings. I sit still for hours, blinded by the dazzle of lightning across my eyeballs. Its brightness is worse than the dark.

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